I’ve been seeing a woman for about 3 weeks now and we’ve gone on six dates. I find her attractive and we have some common interests like hiking and actually went hiking twice in the last two days.
I originally assumed she wanted a short term thing because one of the first things she told me was that she was only in my city temporarily, but on Thursday after our date she made it clear she wants a long term relationship. She’s Indian and we’re in the US so she doesn’t really have ties to any city in the US so basically she said she hopes to find someone long term and is okay staying in that city. We spoke frankly about our long term goals relationship wise on Saturday and they lined up pretty well.
She’s smart, funny, has a great job, and is cute but I just haven’t felt that spark I would expect. My previous girlfriend of a little over 2 months broke up with me about 5 weeks ago so I think that could be part of the issue but basically I don’t feel that excitement I would expect when she gives me a text or speaks with me.
I’m thinking I should end things between us before she starts really catching feelings but I’d still like to have her as a friend, I’m just having a hard time figuring out how to communicate that to her.
3 comments
First off you’re dating too soon after the end of your last relationship. 5 weeks is probably way too soon.
Second if there’s no spark after six dates pull the plug.
I honestly think “chemistry” is a shit reason to give for why relationships do and don’t work, I regularly chastise people for chasing “the tingles” and then bitching about why they can’t find a good relationship.
However, it’s been six dates… plus all the conversations in between, and potentially the times you’ve met up/hung out outside of dating. If you’re still questioning a relationship at this point, that won’t change just because you give it an extra few weeks or a month.
Based on what you’ve said, I’d say it’s a mix of being newly single and feeling like she’s going to really depend on you as a social partner, which you really aren’t ready for (and maybe she’s just kinda cute and not outright sexy, so there’s not much motivation to take such a risk right now anyway).
Regardless, you should let her know that you aren’t interested in things going any further. Be honest with her about it and then move on.
The only thing you can really do is be honest with her about how you’re feeling and move on. You might lose her as a friend, but it is what it is.