This has happened a few times. I’ll become really good friends with a guy and we are so close but they do tend to lean on me for their problems or definitely out of loneliness I’ve felt. But I care for them and considered them Great friends but they second they get a girl friend they practically ghost me. It hurts because I value these friendships and I get that they may not have as much. I am a female and am 23. So I get having a girl that’s a friend in a relationship can be a problem. But, zero sexual attraction even thought I did hook up with them when I first met them and then we became friends (the hook up was years ago) and neither of us have any romantic feelings but I am
Left feeling hurt and missing my friends.I would also totally be down to be friends with their girlfriends (one more than the other, he lives in a different state) she is lovely and I’ve met her. Idk just kinda sad
Tl;dr sad my guy friends kind of ghost me when they get girlfriends
Tl;dr sad about my friends distancing themselves when they get girlfriends
4 comments
I mean that’s kind of a normal reaction from them especially if there was a sexual history. The fact that it was years ago doesn’t matter. You have to appreciate their honestly with their new partners and that ghosting someone they had a sexual past is normal. Is it hard for you to make friends with guy friends without introducing sex into the relationship? Do you find yourself having a hard time making friendships with girls? It kind of just seems like there’s a deeper issue here then just losing friends.
I feel like friends who do this are not real friends. It sucks and it’s not easy to realize, but it’s usually best to just see them for what they are and let it go. Better you found out sooner than later.
It’s a normal shift in your early 20s as people learn to balance their relationships. People have less time.
Men, in particular, tend to over-rely on their GFs to meet all their social needs. They are not modeled good skills to maintain important plutonic friendships. They often drop the ball.
If it’s not a hard boundary, but more of a loose drifting away, staying in contact occasionally can help a mature friendship form in time, but you will probably have to do the work for a while, and it will take time.
Simple answer is that this will keep happening so long as you keep making friends by hooking up with them. I too stopped talking to everyone I’d hooked up with when I entered into a monogamous relationship, but stayed friends with the ones with whom I had no sexual history.