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“i bet your neck tastes like skin salt” 🫵🏼
She slightly bit her lip and said “I like your eyebrows”
I still don’t know what that was about. It’s been 5 years.
“You have skinny wrists”
A woman once asked me if I was bi… because if I was, that was a dealbreaker. I thought that was super weird and homophobic. What made it extra weird is that she knew I was already in a relationship with another woman (I’m polyamorous). So THAT wasn’t a deal breaker but the possibility that I might be attracted to men was? WTF?
And so I learned that this is a thing. Pretty common for bisexual men to be rejected by heterosexual and homosexual partners for being bisexual.
“I’m going to sit on your face someday.” She didn’t say it sexily, but almost threateningly. And she said it with her fiance 10 feet away from us.
Coworker: “Hmm you don’t normally wear glasses but when you do you give me mr. Roger’s vibes”
What?
“For real like. It uh, works for you.”
Thanks
some girls once called me a “bachelor” for some reason
She said she would facefuck me if she wasn’t married. She’s 56.
It wasn’t weird, just unexpected, but I used to be a cop and I caught a road rage incident. So I wrote this girl about $1200 worth of tickets. It was a bad case of road rage. I had her for speed, unsafe passing and reckless. She drove the other vehicle almost off the road. Like the speed alone and the reckless were over $1000 on their own. But after explaining and then handing her her tickets she looked at them real quick, put them aside and said “that’s just money” and proceeded to tel me that I was the most handsome man she’s ever seen. She gave me a business card with her number. Asked me to call her and drove away. She paid the tickets too. She never took it to court or even asked for a waiver hearing. I never called her cuz I was engaged at the time. My wife is the hottest person in the world. To me and I’m pretty sure in general. I don’t know if this girl was rich or what. Got her parents to pay (she was 20)She wasn’t driving the fanciest car. But I’ll never forget it. I get called handsome from time to time. But I had never and have never since been called handsome after essentially ruining somebody’s driving record… at least not when they were sober
One time I was making out with this chick and she stopped in middle of getting busy and she grabbed my face, held it to hers and whispered “You remind me of my uncle”.
“You have serial killer eyes”. I was standing around with friends laughing.
“Sit on my face.” to which I responded “Shouldn’t that be the other way round?” and she said “It depends on how kinky you are.”
‘why aren’t you straight’. I’m gay and I just ain’t
“A body is the price I pay for consciousness.” It sounds very weird but there’s definitely some truth to it.
“How the hell do you have so much hair?”
Had a girl say I listen to “misogynist music” bro I listen to like early 2000s pop rock and death metal and anything in between. How is any of that even remotely associated with misogyny?
I farted in the tub and the fart traveled up into my vagina.
We were in a group of friends and all pretty high and she was staring. She looks me dead in the face and says she wants to eat my eyes. Not in a creepy way just in a I wanna keep your eyes with me forever so I need to eat them kinda way, ok. Brought me right back down so quick