I know this is a common topic so I’m sorry if it seems repetitive but I am hoping to get some others opinions to see if I am overthinking this.
I (30F) suspect that my husband (32M) watches porn almost every morning in the bathroom right when he wakes up. This morning we had sex, which was great and I was ready for round 2 but he was not. Just after he got up to shower and get ready for the day he came back to play with me and make me cum one more time before he went into the bathroom. After he was in the bathroom for some time.. probably 10 minutes or so he walked into the hallway naked to grab something from the closet and I could see that he was turned on and not flacid. I saw this and immediately thought to myself that instead of going round 2 with me he would rather get me off and then go watch porn in the bathroom to get himself off again?
I have also already tried to express my insecurities and that I’m not bothered by him “getting the job done” but that I don’t really like that he watches porn. He consistently denies that he doesn’t do either. Like literally said he barely ever jacks off and I know this is a lie. I unfortunately did snoop in his phone and saw a porn website in his history browser but that was all I looked at and didn’t say a word or confront him about it. I didn’t want to have an argument about it again but I just feel like he may have a problem with it or something because it seems like the porn never goes away.
Am I wrong for feeling like this wasn’t right for him to go jack off in the bathroom after us having sex and then also getting me off again?
TLDR: My husband masturbated in the bathroom after having sex with me. Seems like his porn use never goes away
11 comments
What’s the “addiction” part of this?
As to whether or not you’re “wrong” for feeling something… no. It doesn’t seem healthy or useful, but you’re not “wrong” or broken for having feelings.
He’s likely hiding it from you because he doesn’t feel safe. When people feel scolded and judged and shamed, they’re usually not very open with the people/person doing the scolding/judging/shaming.
First, unless you ask/confront your partner, don’t assume what he was doing. That is what leads to bad feelings and continued stories in your head about what he is doing…not finding out what he is doing.
Secondly, I would say the problem isn’t with porn, his use, or him masturbating. The problem is the willing partner left wanting the connection and he ‘chose’ to exclude you. This is more of a conversation that if he just wants to Jack off and not have sex. That’s cool. But how about mutual masturbation so he can get himself off while watching you (or helping you). That’s a better solution, in my opinion.
But honestly, the best solution is to openly communicate your assumptions of what he is doing. Let him respond. And you offer a solution that is mutually beneficial.
I don’t see what the problem is here exactly. Your sex life is not suffering and he likes me time. Also man general spend lots of minutes in the toilet, the only room they can have some peace and quite in the house.
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Did he get off the first time?
>I don’t really like that he watches porn. He consistently denies that he doesn’t do either. Like literally said he barely ever jacks off and I know this is a lie.
This is the standard in your relationship. You either have a hard line with it or you don’t. You’re boundaries aren’t going to mean anything to him unless enforced, sorry.
“Am I wrong for feeling like this wasn’t right for him to go jack off in the bathroom after us having sex and then also getting me off again?”
If you were ready for round 3 then fuck no. That’s him denying you and anyone would be POed.
If you were done and he was not, then yes, absolutely. If he’s ready for round 3 and you are done then he can go jack off. Ideally with you present.
The only exception I think would be if he has some need to have a separate sexual relationship with himself, via masterbation, than the sexual relationship he has with you his wife. I think this would be a dealbreaker to a lot of people since in a way it’s sort of like him demanding to have multiple wives just with the second wife virtual. Maybe some people would be OK with it. I know I wouldn’t. To me, masturbation is like eating the frosting on the cake and not having the cake also. Who wants an echo of a thing when they can have the real thing? Unless that echo isn’t really an echo. Sure he’s not paying some performer for a video stream of her fondling herself while he’s jacking off?
If he said “honey I just want to jack off” and did it there, in the bedroom, with you (maybe you helping him) then that’s different.
So he likes to rub one out? Helps me fall asleep when I get home from the midnight shift. I still get intimate with my wife on a regular basis. Addiction? Nah, now if he’s cranking one out every hour, he might need help.
I will not allow porn in my marriage. There is too much science behind how it makes the user 300 percent more likely to cheat, and it gives men brain damage and rewires their whole personality and I feel sad for any woman who is committed to their hubby to be just fine with/ allow their hubby to have actions which literally say they are not enough
He may have a fetish, have you tried watching porn with him while you have sex and see if he still has the need to jack off afterwards?
I’m not quite seeing an addiction here. You had sex or sexual contact twice and then he left to shower or watch porn or whatever for 10 minutes. Him not being flaccid also doesn’t mean he was watching porn or jerking off, it simply means he wasn’t flaccid, right? If I read Reddit every morning for ten minutes in the bathroom am I addicted? If I prefer to decompress and do that, am I addicted or just decompressing. It sounds like your sex life is healthy, he doesn’t have an issue with arousal around you, he doesn’t seem to be neglecting you or the relationship, he’s taking 10 minutes to himself.