This is far too long so understand if it’s not read but I’d appreciate advice. I have some questions above my tldr
Last night my boyfriend and I (both early 20s) spoke and he broke up with me. I want to add some background for best advise. He moved to my city last year and we met, I began seeing him and very quickly started staying with him, he wanted me to be at his with him so we spent a lot of time together. When he went home for Christmas he let me stay without him due to a housemate situation I was having. He then moved back to his city about a 2-3 hour drive from me after losing his job, we did long distance seeing each other for a few days every couple of weeks. We would have phone calls every night but not message too much during the day which suited us both. I’m his first girlfriend he says, he did see a girl before me but never seriously, last time he came he admitted to me he has run into her and they had kissed but he realised straight away he liked me and came to see me and wouldn’t see her again.
He initially told me that he was unhappy as I have been quite down recently (mum very sick, lost my job, don’t have much money) and it’s not enjoyable for him to speak to me anymore and I have been too dependant on our nightly calls and long distance is hard. I understand this as although I am upset I shouldn’t have put this on him to make me happier, it wasn’t something I was doing intentionally but is bad nonetheless. We discussed how we could improve things but everytime I agreed to something he offered, he then took it off the table again saying it wouldn’t work and we would break up. He did also tell me though he wanted to see that girl again. He said we would still speak, I’m his first girlfriend, favourite person and he cares about me.
Our call ended I tried to call again and it was late so he blocked my number but also Snapchat straight away.
I was deverstated, I still am. I messaged him through WhatsApp this morning to say I’ll miss him essentially he replied saying he was at work and I said it was fine I wasn’t expecting a reply and he doesn’t need to reply anytime soon. He then called me an hour later saying we should take a break (despite having definitely broken up with me the night before) he said he would call me in a month but also said he was going to see that girl. I said I wanted time to think and I would call him later to confirm if I want to do that which he agreed to but I was still upset and we ended up arguing he then hung up said I couldn’t call him and he is going to block me and call month like he said we messaged a bit and he blocked me.
Our mutual friend came round to see me today and said my boyfriend rung him earlier and said he felt bad about it and told him a brief version of what happened and said he was going to send me some money which is a bit strange and continue to pay the wifi I have (he gave me a wifi box when he moved)
I just feel like his behaviour has been strange, he spoke to me quite cruelly while also saying he’d miss me, agreeing that he will probably regret it and then blocking me but telling our friend about money and wifi is strange. All the back and forth about breaking up or having a break was confusing.
I need help how to process this all, the blocking has really upset me and i didn’t see this coming as he was only saying earlier that day how he was going to come see me next weekend and how I should spend my upcoming birthday in his city with him. Our friend also finds it confusing as he had recently spoken to him about how would eventually want us to live in the same place again, saying he may move in with me
I hate how things were left the most, we were friends first and had quite a nice relationship. He’s really special to me and he always said he’d never want to stop seeing me even if we couldn’t be together at some point so I want closure and to ask and speak to him about a few things (stuff still at each other’s places, me taking over the wifi)
When and how is best to reach out so he speaks to me and we can end things amicably?
Or do you think it’s likely he will reach out to me anyway?
How do I cope and take my mind off it? I feel awful about myself
I don’t think I can get over this without doing that, I’m heartbroken and it feels like I’ve lost my best friend too
TLDR: long distance boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue has gone back and forth about it and been confusing about reasons. I’m having a bad time in life in general. He’s blocked me, out of character for him. I want to speak to him again and I have a couple questions just above this I need advice regarding