So some back story , my dad(M56) constantly tells me(17m) that the conversation is over constantly, from just talking about games with him to football teams to a movie we’re watching or what I’m cooking for dinner ( cause I’m the only one who cooks)
Anyway I work at a golf course , I’m a landscape technician , decent pay , 40 hours a week as a highschooler I choose to work and do online classes to support the house hold and it’s needs and my needs. They offer great pluses to the job such as free lunch there from the kitchen to free tee times .
I luckily got a tee time and planed to play with my father cause he is always talking about wanting to play golf with me someday. I got it all planed , cut my hours that day so I could play and everything. Told my dad tonight and he seemed agurmentive about the gift. Although he was happy to play , he didn’t like the idea of me playing golf with him as I’m new to the game and although I’ve been practicing my drives and stuff for a couple weeks , I’m just a beginner.
He started arguing that he would only play a couple holes and then just sit in the cart as I play , I reluctant agreed that’s okay I guess but I wanted him to play which then he responds with ” why is that just okay ? It’s perfectly fine !” And I responded with what do you mean ? And he started raising his vocie like he wanted me to start arguing and said YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN . So I just said I really don’t, can you explain? And he said no I won’t explain your being entitled ! And me very confused said ” look I really don’t want to argue right now, I’m tired , this conversation is over , As it’s 8pm and I have 5am wake up to go to work at 6am , please explain or I’m just gonna go upstairs…” . He then just started throwing insults at me , says f*ck you , your entitled, go upstairs, I don’t want to talk to you anyway , get! Go away , no body wants you here! .
Now I’m used to this so I stand up and walk updates, I’m laying in bed , I’m fine , pretty happy and kinda confused what he was on about . Anyone else have this exsperince ? Is this normal for parents to do this stuff?
Tldr: told my dad I was done with the conversation cause I didn’t know what he was so on about. He then threw insults at me , is this normal?
3 comments
I’m sorry 🙁 The way your dad was talking to you isn’t normal. He isn’t being kind, fair or rational. It sounds like he said he wanted to go golfing with you, but when offered the chance, he didn’t actually want to?
It may not be the most fun golfing experience to go with a newb when you are at an intermediate skill level… but I think your dad should’ve looked at this as less of a golfing experience and more of a family bonding one.
Does your dad have a pattern of being insulting and quick to anger? Does he react poorly unless you follow his every word without question? If so, that’s seriously not normal and points to abusiveness.
It’s impressive that you’re working FT and making it through high school. Keep up the good work. I think it was a sweet idea to try and bring your dad golfing, and it’s sad that he responded in such a hurtful way.
Love to hear his version of events.
Your dad is probably no longer physically capable of playing nine holes, let alone 18, and he’s too embarrassed to admit it. Watching you play would have been gift enough for him.
I get using that phrase, “this conversation is over,” on your dad feels good because you’re throwing his toxic shit back in his face. However, do not use that phrase on anyone else, ever. It’s toxic AF. If you do you will destroy friendships, relationships, marriages, careers.
Think about all annoyance, disrespect you feel when you hear that directed at you by your dad and realize that given all the bad, you’re kind of used to hearing it. Saying it to anyone else will come across as far worse to them and eventually you will destroy a relationship you care about. It reflects very badly on you.
Your dad isn’t very mature and unfortunately some of that immaturity is rubbing off on you. Do better.