Basically he was adopted from India. But his so called parents decided that they didn’t want him anymore. He was sold (via. internet) to a man who abused him physically and basically treated him like a slave. And pimped him out. Then he was sold (for adoption) again to another pedophile. Then taken by social services and placed in a foster home. His foster parents adopted him.
This all came up two days ago. And he was quite open about it. He says he has been attending a support group for male rape victims. I was quite shocked. I have met other rape survivor… including myself. But this was quite surprising for me to hear. I want to support him. I was also thinking about maybe attending a meeting myself… if he is OK with that. I still haven’t told him anything about what happened to me. I have a much harder time talking about it than he does.
Should I tell him what happened to me? Should I go to a meeting?
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Why not? If ur ok with it it would being you closer most likely and he showed he trusts you this much to say this so it would be you showing the same.
Yes and yes.
First of all, he REALLY and I mean REALLY loves and trusts you for him to open up about something so horrific. Trauma isn’t easy to deal with, just continuing to love him the same way and showing him compassion is great.
Sharing your own story would be a good idea and healing for the both of you.
I wish you both the best
Yes (with exceptions) and yes. But make sure when you tell him about your trauma, you are careful not to make it sound like you are saying either one was worse. For example, Definitely don’t say that you have a harder time talking about it than him, that makes it seem like he might not actually be struggling (I know that is not what you intended). It is really easy to sound like you are comparing trauma when two people have similar trauma
Also before you tell him about it, ask if he is okay if you share your own sexual trauma with him. He may not be in the right head space or it may be triggering to him.
Also you should maybe try to find your own support group, at least for now. Unless he wants you there as support (ie not talking about your own trauma) or he specifically suggests you also attend the meeting without you asking to come, it may seem like you are invading his safe space. It’s important for him to have a place where he can talk freely, you going to his groups might make it too hard to speak freely (weighing what he feels or his past vs how it could affect the relationship).
Bless you and him. Good on your for being so supportive
> Should I tell him what happened to me?
Okay, this doesn’t have anything to do with what happened to you, this is about what happened to him, and how you can support him. You opening up about something you’re not ready to open up about won’t support him, it will only hurt you. So don’t conflate the two issue, you only need to open up when you’re ready to, and for no other reason. And if you are ready to open up, then just be sure to let him know that you feel comfortable sharing partially because he was open with you.
> Should I go to a meeting?
That depends entierly on him. Just showing up might not be a good call, so Perhaps ask him if he would be comfortable with that, and if it’s a good way to support him. Feel free to be honest that you want to support him as best you can, but are a bit lost on how to do so. Just communicate, and I really don’t think you can go wrong here. It’s the thought that counts, and it’s not something that we are born, equipped to handle flawlessly.
Going to a meeting sounds like a good idea.
Are you sure it is not a compulsive lie though? Casually mentioning a chain or heavy crime he’d been involved and not any conviction that followed? What happened to all those pedos? How was the situation resolved by the authorities? How come all those pedos were able so easily adopt a child who undoubtedly would show sign of abuse if the abuse really happened? Is there any trial record related to this story?
You just met and he told you a story that most people would keep to themselves. It may or may not be true, but I advise, before taking any actions or feeling any feelings, make sure it’s true first.
One thing to remember is that just because his trauma is more violent it doesn’t invalidate your trauma.
You have a lot of commonalities just as survivors.
As for advice I’d say take all the time you need to feel things out and act only when you feel urged to, don’t act on the assumption of his needs or yours.
Your needs reveal themselves to you through your emotions.
I suggest you ASK him what he’d like you to do.
OFFER the things you’re willing to do / want to do.
Don’t do things just because you THINK he’ll like it / value you more for it (eg. Going to the support group / sharing your story, etc)