My (21F) sister (18) was supposed to move to Maryland with my family this September for college but unfortunately didn’t receive enough Financial Aid so will be staying with my boyfriend & I in our city for a year. A few days ago my sister found out her girlfriend was cheating on her. There were very clear messages implicating her. There’s no doubt about it. This girlfriend has continued to manipulate and gaslight my sister. While what she did is extremely wrong, my sister is not innocent. When telling me about this, my sister admitted to getting violent with her girlfriend. Apparently when my sister confronted her girlfriend (I’ll call her girlfriend Z), Z wouldn’t let her leave. She attempted to restrain my sister and took her phone. This is abuse obviously. My sister has bruises on her arms from the restraint as well as a torn shirt. Now, my sister has also admitted to beating up Z. Multiple times. And this ain’t the first time she has put her hands on her either. My sisters excuse is that they’re both girls so it’s not as bad as a woman & a man being violent. That there isn’t any overpowering. I DON’T CARE. Domestic Abuse is UNACCEPTABLE. I won’t tolerate it & especially not in my apartment. I told my sister they are both wrong & that she needs to get help and go to therapy. I told her that she does not need to be in a relationship like this. Everyone is telling her this but she is believing Z’s lies that “it was never physical” (it’s very obvious that it was). Now, here’s where I may be in the wrong? I told my sister that Z is not allowed in our apartment. I won’t have any fighting in my house nor the police being called. I do not ever want to come home and have to break up a fight. I told her that if she can’t learn to keep her hands to herself then Z isn’t allowed over whatsoever. I said “i’m not gonna normalize that. it’s fucked up” My sister & Z aren’t together at this time but “are on speaking terms”. My sister replies with “girl what…” I texted my sister this morning to find that she blocked me. Also, my boyfriend & I will be the ones paying rent. My sister will be paying the electric bill. I don’t care that she’s upset with me. She should be upset with herself for being abusive. What other action should I take?

TL;DR – Ny sister & her girlfriend are abusive towards each other. It has escalated to physical violence. I don’t want this happening in my apartment.

10 comments
  1. Put in the lease that Z is not allowed to enter the apartment, and that if she ever does then the lease will be terminated

  2. Your apartment your rules. It sounds like you might want to encourage your ADULT (at least in age) sister to get her own place.

  3. Honestly. I think your words and actions are spot on. They shouldn’t be together if Z is cheating and both are physicsly violent towards each other. You shouldn’t have to deal with that drama under your roof. Good on you.

  4. I can’t see what more you could have done to help your sister. The stupidity of youth means she may well not see that.

    Well done to you for standing your ground.

  5. The first time I read that, I though it said you banged your sister girlfriend in the apartment. I need to get off of Reddit for a while.

  6. Honestly think it’s probably best if she doesn’t move in. You know she won’t stick to the no Z in the flat rule.

  7. That would be a hard line for me, too. Fuck that noise: you want to beat each other up and cheat on each other, that’s your choice, but it won’t be happening in my house. If she can’t deal with that she needs to find a new arrangement or move back in with mommy and daddy.

  8. You made a reasonable rule for your home clear. No Z and no fighting. Your sister either abides by this or she gets to find somewhere else to live. She’s not going to figure out how jacked up it is until someone files an assault charge against her.

  9. Everyone in this story is an adult & fully capable of dealing with their own shit. There’s no need to treat your sister with kid gloves.

    If I was you, I’d tell the sister that if she cannot abide by your house rules then she cannot live under your roof.

    She sounds like a drama magnet.

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