Is “hobby” really the best way to denote what we want our partner to have? I wonder if the term “hobby” is more of a proxy for other qualities.
Do people want a partner with a unique (if maybe not-so-useful) skill? Do people want a partner who has something to talk about on dates? Or do people just want a partner who “has a life” outside of the relationship? Probably all of the above…but is one of these things much more important than the others? Or are there other things that “having a hobby” might indicate about a person?
People seem to express a hint of disapproval–even disgust–for those who indicate that they “don’t have any hobbies.” Or, sometimes people wince when someone says “reading” or “video games” are their hobbies. Are these real hobbies, and if not, why? (I’m not trying to push the idea that say, video games are or are not hobbies. I’m just looking for a good articulation of the working definition of “hobby,” here. Sometimes these things are easier to tease out if you provide an example of a “borderline” instance.)
7 comments
Having a hobby means you have a life outside the relationship.Look i love my boyfriend ,but i want my alone time(1-2 hours a day).You can’t be 24/7 together
It also means the other person has a personality.Who would you select?A person that watches tv all day and talks about their 9-5 job or a food blogger that loves traveling and is into hiking?Most time the second one
I don’t consider video games as a hobby.Gaming is ok as long as you don’t spend 2 hours talking about league of legends(have it happened to me).I consider cooking,sports(i am an extrovert so a bonus for me),reading,arts or even going to the gym as a hobby.Just my preferences
For me it’s mostly about 4 things: 1) looking for things to do together and to bond over, 2) checking compatibility, if we have drastically different opinions on some activities, then we probably won’t really get along, 3) to see that they do have a life, 4) i just personally think that a well-rounded interesting individual should have versatile interests and hobbies.
It’s worth mentioning that anything is a hobby.
Go to the gym? Watch TV? Play video games? Into movies? Cook?
Some people turn their noses up at hobbies that involve low effort but if that’s what you’re into it’s always nice to meet others.
I’m a huge gamer/geek so someone into the stuff above would very much be floating my boat but for someone into outdoorsy stuff, that list is a red flag.
Having similar interests is very important to me. I want to share the time I enjoy doing stuff with my best friend, my partner. If I have to choose between what I love to do and a person, it will be a tough choice. But if we enjoy same things, it will help us bond well, spend more time doing things we both love, at least some parts of our lives we won’t be compromising.
E.g i go to the gym or fitness classes 6 times a week. Someone who does not share the same passion will have either issues with this, or with something related to me being at the gym. Hard pass.
This question always annoys me, so I’m glad you’re asking about it.
I personally don’t give a shit if someone has hobbies or not, what I’m curious about are their interests. We can figure out fun things to do without having to lean on things we’re already doing, but knowing what you like and find interesting is useful information to have in order to tailor our experiences. But I know women don’t see it that way, they want to see that you’re an interesting and cool person who’s not a serial killer, and someone who isn’t going to make them their *whole* life. I get where they’re coming from, but for me personally, the world is full of entertaining things to do, so I don’t see the things we’re *already* doing as relevant – surely, the adventure comes from doing new things, not old ones?
For me? It’s for them to have a life outside of the relationship. I feel suffocated if someone is near me 24/7. I want them to do other things than to be around me. They can do whatever, gaming, go out with friends, etc. I just need me time.. lol
Others might not feel the same way, just how I personally feel.
It’s not important.
It’s to make yourself happy and ‘appear’ more attractive to others.
But in all reality, it doesn’t matter. Loving yourself is what does, but relationships often don’t come from just self love sadly.