First off, this is purely from my (M22) perspective. I’ve tried to have serious conversation with this person (F24) about what I want from this relationship but either it gets ignored or we just avoid talking about it. So I ended up deciding on being a friend for her rather than a romantic interest.
I recently gotten really close to this person we’ve opened up to each other about things we haven’t told other people. I’ve been trying to help her and listen to her problems during a tough period of time for her and making sure she knows I would always be there for her. She isn’t a person that has a lot of friends, in fact I think I’m one of the closest friends she has made in a long time. We’ve been hanging out almost on a daily basis playing sports, watching movies and tv shows, and going out to drink and have meals together.
As much as I want to maintain this platonic relationship I have with her, from time to time my feelings for her resurface. The other day we were drinking with a lot of friends and I got extremely drunk and made a move on her, she reciprocated. My friends told me the next day that it seemed like I was coming on a bit to strong on her, and deep down I felt extremely guilty and she probably reciprocated because she wanted to maintain this friendship above all else.
I talked to her the next day about what happened and wanted to know what happened because my memories of that night was extremely hazy but she said she doesn’t remember as well (which I do doubt because she barely drank). We decided to brush this incident under the rug and continued to hang out as usual for the next few days.
But here comes my thought, I realized that we are at a dead end in terms of what we want from this relationship. She wants a close friend that would be there for her but I still want to be in a relationship with her despite knowing what she wants. Which made me decide to cut this person out of my life completely because I really don’t want this relationship to end up either me painfully being the friend and see her see other people while we still hang out the way we do, or be in a forced relationship because she values our friendship a lot and don’t want to lose me.
tl;dr: So I decided to cut her out of my life even after everything we’ve been through. As I want something more in this relationship and she will either go into a relationship for the sake of keeping me, or for me to see her go into another relationship with another.
3 comments
Have you considered that maybe she does want to be more than friends, but is a bit shy and maybe unsure of your feelings? So she’s playing it cool and pretending not to remember in case you want to go on just being friends? I appreciate you wanting to make sure you aren’t pressuring her, but I think you just need to be honest with her and say that you have feelings for her and would like to be with her romantically, and if she’s not interested in that and just wants friendship, then you need to take a step back. You’re not really giving her any agency to make her own decisions here.
Even if you are right, you can’t live your life worried about doing what other people may really want. You have to act on how you feel and take their word on how they feel. If not they won’t learn their own lessons and grow as people. Tell her how you really feel and then you either trust her or you don’t to give you an honest response.
Since your attempts at serious conversations failed, she is absolutely not an option for a serious, long-term romantic relationship. So, yes, if being friends with her and never trying to make it anything more is too painful or uncomfortable for you, cut her out of your life.