Need quick advice? Ask here! We know you might have a date this weekend that is one your mind. Ask away.

20 comments

  1. any quick ways to get over insecurity that make you paranoid about cheating? for the record, i know i’m being irrational. but the girl i’m exclusive with is going for drinks with another queer woman and my stupid brain goes right to worst case scenario.

    i’m not like this once i’m in a relationship, i’m not the jealous type. idk why i’m being like this

  3. I have a guy i really like, been on two dates and it’s my birthday next week. He asked if he could take me for a birthday dinner Saturday and I of course said yes. So on second date we had sex and of course looking forward to doing that again with hopefully a bit less awkwardness. Unfortunately shark week is about to start anytime now so sex will be off the table. Now we are both looking for long term relationships so it isn’t just about sex. The man is a sweetheart and even surprised me with coffee at work yesterday and I know through a coworker that knows him he is very into me. Now should I somehow “warn” him/ drop a hint so it isn’t expected? Or just leave it and address if it comes up. I’d hate to let both of us get worked up just to have to put on the breaks. Hasn’t come up before so early in dating process

  4. Update to [this](https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/x2xnzb/so_happy_its_thursday/imokd9r/?context=3), I texted her yesterday saying I could pick her up (she lives 30 minutes away without a car) and we could go get a pregnancy test. She left me on read (normally, she responds instantly), she’s been online AND has been posting to FB.

    I don’t even know man.

    If she made this all up to mess with me, she’s a scumbag. But at the same time, I’d also be VERY relieved…

  5. Is there coming back from a ‘break’? Does it ever improve a relationship?

    My boyfriend of 6 months is moving cities at the start of next year. We discussed doing long distance and then me eventually moving there also. Since he took the job offer things have been weird between us and every time we have a big talk, things don’t really improve.

    I feel like we need a break and he needs to make a decision about us (seeing as he has already decided about the job) and once he has, he can tell me once and for all. I feel like I’m being dragged along as a ‘for now’ with words to keep me hanging on until later so he still gets to have someone to hang out with until he leaves.

    I really like this guy and see a future between us but right now things don’t feel great between us and I don’t know what else to do to try and fix it.

  6. Before our planned first date, she said “I need cuddles”

    Does this mean that instead of meeting at the bar which is about halfway between us (15-20 min drive for both of us), I should meet with her at a place closer to my home?

  7. Why would someone ghost after sexting? Both parties were super into it and any images were sent via disappearing software (the snapchat kind of feature on Instagram where you can choose to only allow it to be viewed once). Plus lots of chats about spending time together in the future for some fun. But after messages got intensely hot last weekend, he’s gone quiet!

  8. Went on a few dates, then he backed away citing bad timing for a relationship.

    Reconnected and he’s present for the most part, helpful when needed, will hangout and punctual as planned. Been hanging out more than the dates we used to have.

    Straight up asked again whether friendship is all he wanted. Was told no, but again, he’s going through shit and not ready for a relationship.

    What gives?

  9. “A sign of emotional maturity is if you are able to name your own red flags.”

    That’s something that really opened my eyes, this level of self awareness.

    I think my own red flags are withholding my feelings, judgment and being manipulative. The kind of stuff I learned from my caretaker as a child and what I Thought would protect me into adulthood.

  10. A guy I had a small crush on in high school recently flirted with me over IG. He’s apparently been into me for a while now. I am over the moon… but also scared shitless for some reason. We’ve known each other 15 years without ever *really* knowing each other – we’re just always in the same circles.

    I very recently broke up with a guy I loved for over a year, but was very incompatible with. I told him this so he knows.
    I’m interested in him, but don’t know how to approach this. He is special and I actually think it could work with him. After so many failed short relationships, I’m just so nervous. I need a little time, but do I just say this to him outright? I don’t want to miss my chance. What if he starts dating someone else?

    You can tell I’m overthinking, lol. Please tell me I’m overthinking.

  11. Would it be a red flag if most of your adult life you were on a long term relationship ?

    I (33F) was in a LTR for 11.5 years. We’ve been separated for a year and a half.
    I’ve noticed when I met people, either for a date or a new acquaintance, and someone asks me.”How long were you with your ex?” I say “11.5 years” people usually reply (somehow shocked)”OOH WOW”. Or “WOW thats a long time”.

    When it comes to dating, I’ve mentioned it on the 2nd or 3rd date, when the guys asked me about past relationship.

    Is this intimidating for guys?
    Is my past 11.5 years long term relationship a red flag for people?

    Thanks

  12. Got one of those “hey, not ready to date right now” cancellations right before our first date.

    I’ve gotten like a dozen of these and I always tell them they’re welcome to reach out if they change their mind. But I’m curious, has anyone ever heard back from them?

  13. I’ve been online dating for about 8 years now and have never found someone. Could it be a mentally healthy decision to retire at the 10 year mark? I don’t want to spend my entire life doing something that doesn’t work.

  14. Where does one go in her late 30s to find nerdy but not creepy men? I need to get over my crush who has a girlfriend— too bad he’s my exact type.

  15. Realized the guy I was feeling things for is pretty selfish when it comes to sex. The act is fine, but not long enough and he doesn’t care to help me out once he’s done. I’m too old for that shit lmao. There are plenty of giving guys out there.

    I was going to have a DTR talk but instead I made an excuse and left before we went to bed.

  16. Just need a quick advice.

    I had a nice first date over a week ago, but I didn’t really hear back from him (I sent the last text message). He’s now texted me and apologised for going silent, and asked how am doing.

    I honestly can’t be bothered to text him back as he’s meant make a good impression on me, and I’m really sick of people who throw bread crumbs at me. At the same time, should I just give him the benefit of the doubt as it was only one date?

  17. I am seriously debating whether or not to just bite the bullet and ask out the guy from my social group. Part of me has an inkling it’s a lost cause anyway for various reasons, but at the same time there’s that little bit of my brain going ‘well if you don’t ask you won’t know, and better to do it sooner rather than later before this becomes a full-blown thing’. Ugh. I feel like a teenager in high school again.

    Also my FWB from over the winter resurfaced in the early hours of this morning after going quiet on me almost all summer. Not sure if I should engage with him – I feel mean not responding and know if the shoe was on the other foot I’d want the other person to do the decent thing and break it off. But then I just feel like I don’t want to expend the mental energy on this, especially when I don’t have a valid reason to cut him off just yet.

  18. Is it wrong to not want to date because you’re a low social needs person and don’t like going out in your community?

    I actually don’t like where I live at all and I’m burned out on people. I work 100% from home and never leave the house, but I really don’t want to anymore really.

  19. So, getting back out there dating after a five year self improvement spree. Is it normal for people to inquire about my dating history on a first or second date? Is this something people in their thirties normally do? First two people I have gone out with both asked…

  20. Just wanted to post an update:

    Tomorrow is the date after our first kiss, which got kinda steamy. It’s been a year since my last LTR. We’ve been texting for weeks since we met and keep it brief. Both in our mid 30s. Everytime we see each other, we can talk for the whole evening. It’s fantastic

    We’ve been learning more and more about each other’s background, families, but graze the topic of past dating history and relationships. Like before jumping into a pool, I have the butterflies. I do not want to rush her and I do admit being nervous about getting more intimate

    This is probably a case of me overthinking it, but I do want to communicate that I really enjoy her company, the connection that we are building, and that I want to see her more often

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