making friends with women as a guy, I can’t shake the feeling that they are only acting nice towards me because they are scared of me/trying to placate me.
It is a common sentiment I see expressed by women that they are afraid of men hurting them. so often if a man is making them uncomfortable, they will just endure negative behaviour out of fear of escalation.
I understand why women would feel like this. but it makes platonic relationships with women difficult for me because I just feel the impulse to leave them alone no matter how friendly or enthusiastic they might be. I can’t take it at face value. often I will really like someone as a friend, but lose contact because I feel like they see me as inherently threatening because im a man.
I’m not complaining, but I would just like to know from any gender, if this is something that I could ask a friend about if I am unsure ? like ‘I feel like you are scared of me ?’ or should I just leave it up to them to tell me if I make them uncomfortable ?
1 comment
I sense a little confusion that I’ll take a stab at clearing up.
For starters when women say they are afraid of men hurting them, they mean cheating on them or somehow hurting them in a relationship. They also fear men in dark alleys at night, but they don’t usually mean they are worried about physical harm when they say that.
Many women I know, friends/family/wife don’t just “act nice to placate men.” The nice act is what strangers or work acquaintances do regardless of male or female. People wear a mask in public, you rarely see someone’s true self at work. Especially if they like to party. Some people that like to party a t very shy and timid at work or in public.
If all you are after is friendship, then don’t worry so much about the impression you make. Show them who you are and if they back away, let them. Male or female, people that like you will come to you. Just keep talking and keep conversation appropriate for work.
If you make a woman or man uncomfortable they will let you know. Some will straight up tell you, others will avoid you. Hell some won’t react at all. Just find people that like to talk about the same things as you and friendship will happen.