I (32F) met an amazing man (35M), and we had our fourth date yesterday. At the beginning of the date, he says he needs to tell me something. Turns out he is a cancer patient and is going to start a new round of chemo this month. He has been in treatment before, with the first diagnosis something like 8-9 years ago. We talked about some stuff, he answered my questions, and then we went out and had a great night lol. He says he is trying to not get his hopes up, because everything is so unpredictable and he is afraid of disappointment. I really like him. But I don’t know what to do. This is definitely a first for me.
Any advice? Have you ever been in such a situation with someone and how did you handle it? I am going to work now, but I’ll do my best to answer. Any input is appreciated, thank you so much!
4 comments
I’m on the other side of the situation. Cancer patient here. I don’t know what type of cancer this guy has or what stage it’s in, so I can’t tell you what to expect. But, I can tell you that cancer treatment is nothing like what’s on TV. I can also tell you that no one knows anything about cancer like they think they do. I got sooo many silly questions during my treatment. People thought that me having cancer meant all I could ever do was stay in bed or on a sofa. Nowadays, it’s possible to still have somewhat of a life. I still went to work every day, I still met up with friends and funny enough towards the end of my treatment I started seeing someone new. I had a bf when I started my treatment, but I broke up with him because he was awful about the whole thing.
I think you should ask him what he expects his lifestyle to look like during treatment and what he hopes from you. Most people around me had no idea I was even being treated for cancer, so lifestyle-wise I was fine. And as for my partner, I really just wanted him to be my cheer squad and offer to do the dishes on date night because I was too tired. Anyway I think if you both share your expectations it should be fine.
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Never been in this situation but my good friend currently has cancer and has not been able to meet family and friends for a long time while on chemo.
According to her, her doc says this is because if she gets Covid, it could be dangerous and she’d have to pause her chemo and redo a cycle of it? She also says chemo makes her extremely tired so she doesn’t have much strength or energy to do much.
This might be something to keep in mind or ask him about since it might affect you two meeting in person.
You might also want to ask what he’s looking for during this chemo cycle? On your end, then consider whether you can do all that since you’re only four dates in. It’s about the two of you managing your expectations.
Cancer treatment can vary between minimal impact on day to day life and frequent admissions/severe illness. Without any other info it’s hard to say what category he is in but I will say that in my experience treatment for a recurrence is usually more aggressive and less successful. It’s hard watching someone that you care about go through that. I think you have to decide if it’s something you think you can handle if you ended up in a relationship with this guy. Personally I think if I liked someone I would give it a shot.
It’s important to know that it doesn’t make you a bad person if you don’t think you can handle it or if you just don’t want to. It’s a big thing and it can be scary especially for people that haven’t had much exposure to it.