My boyfriend (34M) and I (28F) have been together for about a year now. We’ve never had a real argument only a few small conversations that he has been very receptive to. Well lately I’ve been feeling very neglected in the sex dept and told him how I was feeling about the frequency declining and when we do have sex, it’s like he doesn’t care about my needs only his. He just said “I don’t know what to say” and then proceeded to ignore me for the next 2 days (still going) and I honestly don’t know what to do. I don’t want to scare him away but it feels like he’s punishing me for sharing my feelings? I get he might be processing, but he should still talk to me like normal I would think? I’m not used to this please help me figure out how to handle this. I love him and didn’t mean to make him feel bad, but I feel like if he cared he would want to do what he could to make me feel good rather than not even try? I want to add we live together and I know for a fact he is not cheating on me.
TL;DR told my boyfriend how I felt neglected and now he’s ignoring me
5 comments
Low libido, low testosterone?
Does he work long hours?
My first instinctual response to that title is: you don’t my dear.
To me, one of the very last things you can do or say to them is that they are indeed slipping away, walling off, and you need different in order to work through.
The only thing you can do after is to say enough is enough and leave. They are holding you back, stunting you with their ineptness, and you will not be happy with someone who doesn’t want to try.
Unless they actually listen and actually want to try and show you that they do before you resort to rash things like breaking up.
If you feel like he is ready to do that then just know he loves you.
The problem I see is that you do not seem vulnerable for him to care for you. And usually most man wants to protect and care for someone as this drives and give them purpose.
But since you are independent he cannot fulfill this basic need and maybe just maybe he wants to be able to care for you. If you show him more vulnerability then i feel like he will want to be more intimate with you.
lmao, are you dating the male version of my ex? The sexual mismatch is one thing, but it’s the very poor communication on display that could really kill this relationship.
Sit down and really think about your standards and what you need in a serious relationship. Do you believe your partner should:
– Care about your sexual needs
– Be able to talk about sex with you
– Participate in conflict management and solving – relationship issues
– Be open and receptive to feedback
– Care about your feelings and treat you like he cares
– Be communicative about when you’ve made him feel bad instead of shutting down
– NOT stonewall or cold shoulder you or punish you for bringing up your needs
After going through one relationship that ended in sheer misery because my partner was like this, I would never tolerate this kind of behavior in a relationship again.
I suggest having a talk with him about how important communication and team problem-solving is to you, and that if you bring up an issue, he doesn’t have to know what to say right away, but he has to at least say, “I need time to think about this,” and then actually think about it, and not cold shoulder you until he’s ready to talk. If he can actually show adult communication skills in this conversation, then you can have the sex talk, but let me warn you, some fully grown adults simply don’t believe in communication and will refuse to have it.