So I have been casually having sex with this guy month. Whenever we get going and I try to take off his pants, he’ll always manage to avoid it. I literally tell him I want to suck his cock, but he says first he will give me head. And he gives THE MOST AMAZING HEAD. Seriously, that man’s tongue will take him places. But basically anytime I suggest anything to do with his dick, he’ll avoid it either by telling me he wants to give head first or just brushing my hand away. And then after he gives me head, I am in such a euphoric and orgasmic state that I can’t think properly and sort of forget the fact that he hasn’t gotten off. In fact to date, I haven’t even seen his dick. Any ideas? Suggestions?

Edit: if it isn’t clear I am a girl.

47 comments

  3. He could be insecure about his size or erectile issues and/or he could just prefer giving head over other types of sex.

    Either way, the only way to find out what’s going on is to have a conversation about it. Just sit him down when you’re *not* actively having sex and say, in a curious and non-judgmental tone, “So I’ve noticed you seem to really like to focus on me sexually, and don’t seem to want anything in return, and I’m wondering why that is.”

  4. He’s getting what he wants. He just hasn’t communicated his intentions. Ask him about it.

  6. He might not be able to perform. My antidepressants give me anorgasmia; meaning I can’t achieve orgasm. He may be in the same boat. Is he a vet?

  7. it can be several things from performance anxiety to erectile dysfunction,he have a Small Dick and insecure or he thinks his Dick looks ugly or he ist to shy about Negative Experience.

    Talk with him and when he trusts you he explains you why

  8. I would just bring it up gently when you’re not getting intimate, “Soooo, it seems like you’re avoiding getting naked around me?” and see what he says about that.

  9. There are so many possibilities that the only way to really get to the bottom of it is have an honest conversation. It could be ED, or something physical or an injury or appearance. It could be something psychological or even a sexual preference. Worst case scenario, I guess, is he doesn’t have one. Not saying that to be funny or dismissive. Just that it has happened to people.

    Personally, I don’t like penetrative sex until I really have a strong emotional connection with someone. I will want to give oral to my partner right away and I will do it as long as she wants, but I am also uncomfortable receiving oral until I really have that bond. I don’t know why, but it’s just the way I am wired. I do get hard though, and I do let my partner play with it and feel it because I want them to know that I am turned on. I can go down on a woman and stay hard the whole time, but if we try intercourse too soon, I will lose my erection before we are done. Some women are OK with that, and obviously some are not. That’s life. I found it best to bring things like that out in the open instead of leaving someone in the dark and wondering what’s going on.

    I hope you can get him to talk about it, because it makes things a lot more challenging if he won’t.

  10. He might be self-conscious about how his dick looks. He might have an STI he’s not ready to tell you about yet but wants to protect your health and well-being.

    He might not be ready to have that level of intimacy yet even though he loves giving you head.

    There might be other reasons. You should ask him (and in a private place and not immediately before, immediately after or during any sexual or hot encounter.)

  12. Stress affects me where I cant get hard as easy then it plays into performance anxiety. I am a little self concious about size my size, especially when I’m not hard. He’s probably going through one of those things or a combination. I would say next time you are about to get it, just ask him if everything is ok and be prepared to be gentle and understanding. Personally whenever I get past whatever is causing my stress or anxiety and can start getting hard I’m very much the initiator but you might just have to be patient and understanding to start. It’s a fragile issue for men lol

  14. Trans man? ED? Micro penis? Should have a talk with him and find out what the hold up is

  16. As other members have suggested:

    1) Self-conscious about his penis size

    2) He suffers from PE (premature ejaculation) and wants to avoid letting you down and therefore be embarrassed

    3) He has some sort of trauma from a previous sexual encounter

    4) He simply is just trying hard to get and make you want it bad

    ​

    Modern Man Advice

  17. Worried about his size, erectile dysfunction, possibly an STI that he is ashamed about, perhaps just anxiety all together. Only way to find out is to talk to him about it.

  18. Could have penis that doesn’t look normal in some way. Or a trans man. Or just general performance anxiety. Or some kind of trauma/rape in his past. Or be HIV positive and avoiding penetration.

    Many reasons but you need to try bringing it up. Saying something like “Iv noticed you have never been naked near me or let me give you an orgasm. I don’t care what is in your pants, but it’s important to me to be able to make you feel good too and have sex WITH you.” Reassuring but setting that it’s important to you, since it DOES involve you.

    If they still won’t even tell you why, you might have to just give up and end it or take a step back and just enjoy casual oral sex. If theyre so upset about it they can’t even speak of it, they probably need more therapy about whatever X is before a serious relationship.

    They might say something crazy like “i’v been raped and need more time”, which is then up to you how patient you want to be and how happy you are just getting oral for a while : )

  19. Maybe his size is an issue or premature issues can also be considered . Try spending a night with him… also consider that he might be married ![gif](emote|free_emotes_pack|dizzy_face)

  22. Better question…have you asked him? If it’s a super casual thing and you both are satisfied does it matter? If it’s a more FWB situation and you want to be more reciprocating then you should ask him outside of sex times in a non-judgmental way. It sounds more like the former and he’s either more or less okay with the situation as is or insecure about something. That you forget in that euphoric state heat of the moment is one thing but it feels odd to me that you call him a boyfriend but both see this as more casual and maybe aren’t asking him about it first.

  23. That you haven’t seen your bf and lover nude is weird, given the fact you are already having sorts of sexual intimacy. Yeah, maybe it’s either some penis insecurities or medical issues. You should talk to him about him avoiding to involve his genitals. Maybe it’s something completely unrelated.

  25. Just talk to him about it and ask what’s up. He could have something physically wrong with his penis, could be a medical issue, could be small or micro penis.. He may have had it removed for whatever reason (cancer, infection, etc)… Could be mangled up due to surgeries or etc.. Birth defects… Deformed…

    Soo… Just acknowledge that and be prepared.

    Also suggest going to the r/smalldickproblems sub and reading how self conscious all those guys are about their penis..

    [Check this guy out](https://www.reddit.com/r/averagedickproblems/comments/x2il5v/urologist_told_me_i_have_mental_health_problems/).. Literally has a normal penis, but is so freaked out about it he was told to get in patient therapy by a doctor/urologist

  26. There are so many possible reasons why (some less likely than others IMO) and the comments pretty much list them all, but the only way to find out the actual reason is to ask him (gently and in a non sexual setting as others have said).

  27. It could be physical ie he thinks his penis is too small or it’s ugly. It may be performance related ie can get it up or cums too quickly.

  28. For whatever reason, I’d say he’s self conscious of his penis. Size, shape, hard getting hard, EZ Cummer, whatever it is. But the oral skill kinda points to him using that as his dominant form of giving pleasure. But no matter what it is, you’re gonna have to have a very open talk about it. Find out why he’s so shy about it, and find a way to work through it.

  32. Usually the guy who is self conscious of his dick (whether ed or small) tend to develop skills to please a woman very well

  35. But I agree he could be very insecure about it and he could just have issues with sex maybe he’s never had penetrative sex?

  36. He might just not like it 🤷‍♂️ I know it sounds unlikely but not impossible. He is probably just nervous though, might be small and feel embarrassed. Probably had a nasty comment on the past. Something like that.

  37. I’m guessing he’s really insecure about his size, I’m always extremely anxious whenever that happens. I’d rather just focus on her as well.

    The only way is for you to bring it up in a gentle manner and try to put him at ease.

  41. I really don’t understand why people post so many things like this. How are so many people having sex without getting the basic principle of “talking to the person you’re having sex with like a human being?”

  43. he may be self concious , feel inadequate or just plain likes to satisfy a girl,just in a non awkward way bring it up. if you can. , and be glad you dont got a selfish guy. / side note. alot of guys jumpin to std. maybe some reflection is needed lol

  44. Have you felt his dick through his pants? Dry humped? I agree he’s probably embarrassed about size, ED or STIs

  46. 90% of the problems posted on r/sex could be solved if you ask the question, “have I spoken to them about this?” If the answer is “no”, save yourself the embarrassment online, talk to them about it, and figure it out.

    He could be sensitive and not WANT sex. Not all men just want to fuck.

    He might have an STD or something wrong “down there” that he’s nervous about.

    He might want to remain a virgin until marriage.

    He might really just love oral and nothing else.

    You will NEVER KNOW THE ANSWER until you TALK to him.

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