Known this guy(34) since 2016. Unknowingly I(28) entered into an open relationship with him when he said “live your life, do your thing.. lets meet up sometime when our schedule allows. Since then we’ve been on a weird routine of meeting in different countries for a short few weeks or days. On those trips, he’d always have a book/ tablet/ phone with him to read news, browse reddit and read. On dates, he’d still be reading, looking down on his material while I enjoy the coffee and amuse play with my phone as well. I didn’t mind because I thought we were never serious. Fast forward to this year and he asked me to marry him.
1. I’ve raised this issue with him and he denies it saying im on my phone the whole time too. I’ve compiled our pictures on dates since 2016 and his look is all the same. Me smiling to the camera and him just hunched on the other side of the table or beside me with his phone/book/tablet. He was this and still denies saying I take pictures only when hes busy of course.😤
2. Now he’s back in his country and when we call he opens up with hey, I gotta go in a few minutes! (ie, take the dogs out, maw his dads lawn, take his car to the etc) It feels outright rude i think to be saying those things when we barely have more than just small talks.
3. On phone sex, I understand we are on diffe time zones, so we try to call before he goes in to work but sheesh. After I bare my soul and he gets off hes back to browsing whatever he was looking at on his phone while video calling with me. 🫣
I try to justify his behavior with he’s an introvert and not as open as I am, but I’m also triggered and hurt every time it happens. I block him on and off because we always get into arguments about these things. He says Im making an argument out of nonsense, or replies with “I’d dont think so, but ok” or “what do you want from me”.
I’ve communicated these to him so many times but to no avail. I even wrote specific steps he can do like calling me for solid 5 mins or just saying hi when he wakes and calling before he sleeps. The conversations go from boring, short talks to silence. The call ends at 2 mins or less. Probably im waiting for him just to end the call coz hes always on his way or busy or needs to wake up early for work, allegedly. He’s also not every open or talkative. I’m still adjusting to his personality when he losses or forgets something. but I cannot stand it sometimes because he starts freaking out or cussing even while talking to me on the phone. gives me bad vibes and so uncomfortable to be around a person like that.
I’ve been in other relationships and now I know what bare minimum feels like. I’m at a loss, feeling defeated and resigned that I try to get busy with my own life and not think about it. How do I make him see my point and not feel so needy? Am I wrong to keep this going? I still love him and want to make this work. But man, feels like im just here for sex or to fill the label.