TL;DR: So my long distance now (ex)gf of 4 years broke up with me after a few weeks of us fighting and wanting to end things. I love this girl, I introduced her to my family and saw a future with her. This was 4 days ago, I’ve been having really bad anxiety attacks thinking about her with other guys, to the point where I throw up. Should I try to get her back?
Her last text was: “The entire time time we’ve been together have honestly been the best years of my time. But for some reason, I don’t think we work. I may be wrong and you may think differently but that’s how I really do feel. Like 2 months i was home, it wasn’t working. I wasn’t putting in effort and yeah things could’ve gotten better in college maybe but what if they didn’t and I went home all next year. It would’ve still been the same. That’s what I mean. In 2 months we probably argued the most we ever have and I don’t want that for me. I don’t like it and don’t like doing it to you. And idk if I wanna get back together but that doesn’t mean I’m treating you like a second option. but I feel like I owe it to myself and for you to try and be civil with you and be a good person till the end, and that’s why I want to remain friends. And me saying all of this is also not me being petty. It’s me telling you how I’m feeling. You do not have to text me back if you don’t want to or there isn’t anything else you need to say. But I am sorry for hurting you I really am. I’m sorry for being another person who hurt you, and I wish I wasn’t that person. But things happen and I still care for you as much as I did in the beginning, and if there ever is anything you need, do not hesitate to text or call me. Or if you’re bored and wanna say hi, pls do. If you’d like to remain being friends, I’d love that as well.”
What does this message mean in terms of her feelings about the relationship? I really need advice, I’ve been having anxiety attacks thinking about her going out and sleeping with guys, it’s gotten so bad that I throw up sometimes. I choose to grind at the gym and she goes to the bar nightly. I can’t stop looking at her location, worrying and crying. What should I do?
2 comments
>Should I try to get her back?
No.
>What does this message mean in terms of her feelings about the relationship?
Dude… Did you *read* it? We can only go by the same information you can. And in the first bit of her message she makes it very clear:
“The entire time time we’ve been together have honestly been the best years of my time. But for some reason, I don’t think we work. I may be wrong and you may think differently but that’s how I really do feel. Like 2 months i was home, it wasn’t working.”
It’s not working. She doesn’t want to put the effort in anymore. Accept that it’s over.
>I really need advice, I’ve been having anxiety attacks thinking about her going out and sleeping with guys, it’s gotten so bad that I throw up sometimes.
You should look into getting some professional support to manage your anxiety. Or even self help. Plenty of information out there. But at the end of the day… This relationship is over. If she wanted to sleep with other guys she would have every right to. And if you cannot deal with that you can only ask her to not inform you about her sex life. If she cannot stop herself from keeping you updated you’re going to have to end contact.
>I choose to grind at the gym and she goes to the bar nightly. I can’t stop looking at her location, worrying and crying. What should I do?
First step is to stop tracking her location altogether. That’s not going to get you anywhere but deeper into grief. Second step is to stop worrying. Because what are you worried *about*? If she’s single she is no longer accountable to you. Third step is to start making some progress by acknowledging that this relationship is over, so you can begin the process of moving on.
Your feelings are valid and your heart is broken.
It’s over and she deserves to be left alone. Allow yourself some time to grieve, but you need to pick yourself up and move on.