My bf is always making jokes (the type that aren’t reaaally jokes) or passive aggressive comments about having a small penis. I tell him every time that he does not and he just says “yuh-huh” or something in reply. He is of average size, more than enough to work with, and I have never once said anything negative or complained about that because 1) that’s mean, and 2) I really don’t see anything to fuss about. Even if I thought he did have a small penis, I would never put him down for that, I don’t believe in shaming people for their bodies. Anyway, it’s really starting to irritate me after a few years of dating. He puts himself down any time he gets the chance, and dismisses me when I disagree. I once made a comment during sex about how big he felt and he scoffed and said “you don’t need to lie,” it totally ruined the heat of the moment and I have never let myself make another comment like that during the deed afterwards. It’s annoying to constantly try to reassure him that he’s perfectly fine the way he is and have him shut me down every time. But if I were to say nothing, or worse, agree just to hush him up, I would look terrible in his eyes. How do I deal with this? I don’t want to have to hear these self-deprecating digs forever.
TL:DR; BF verbally puts himself down all the time and won’t listen when I refute his comments.
2 comments
I would tell him he’s not allowed to make such comments to me. He should be in therapy. But even if he isn’t willing to, his comments are a form of self-harm, and I refuse to be somebody’s self-harm sounding board. If he wants to abuse himself, he can leave you out of it.
You both know he’s average, not big. Saying he’s “perfectly fine” or “not small.” Isn’t what he wants to hear. Instead, without embellishing his size. Be excited about his penis. Next time he puts himself down, get close to him. Grab his junk of you want, look him in the eye and tell him how much you love his amazing cock. Tell him how you love the way it makes you climax etc. Showing excitement and appreciation will speak volumes over anything you could say. It sucks his self-esteem is shot, that’s 100% not on you. Just do your best to reassure him that his size is in no way a problem for you.