What are your controversial boundaries/rules in a relationship?

47 comments

  1. According to reddit at least, I won’t date a woman who used to be or currently is a sex worker.

    I’m not an emotional punching bag or emotional baggage trolley. So that means I’m not going to take the brunt of a woman’s personal problems or emotional baggage when getting into a relationship.

    Edit: Just FYI I’m not implying these two things are related to one another on my end.

  3. Don’t let yourself get fat. I’m not attracted to fat chicks, so my partner letting themselves go would be a deal breaker if they chose not to do anything about it.

  4. Whoever works less or has better hours needs to try to do more upkeep at home. Could be me or her and goes both ways.

  6. As someone with Asperger’s who worked hard to recover from mental health issues, I will not date someone with untreated mental illnesses or untreated ADHD.

  7. if i tell you i need time without talking to me & you don’t respect that, our friendship is going to be short

  8. Our money is separate unless explicitly agreed upon otherwise. This does not mean I won’t help out, or won’t give gifts, or buy her stuff, but no one is entitled to my money except the govt by technicality and me.

    I want kids someday.

    You can have as many of anything you want, so long as I can have my cars

    No hitting our kids.

    Responsibilities relating to our kids will be shared equally.

    Be honest with me

    There’s others but I’m tired of writing this post.

  9. Do not take my fries AT ALL without asking(I’ll say no)

    Literally I’ll share a mortgage with whoever I love but never my fries. I’ll give her my entire burger before she takes a single fry. This may sound like a joke but is not

    Fries have been my favorite junk food ever since I was a little kid & always reminded me of a time when life was simple/not as hectic as it is now

    Before I was treated horribly & threatened at work, before my mother had breast cancer almost dying, before my best friend stabbed me in the back talking terribly about me at his work to try hitting on a girl, before my student loan debt settled in, & before I got cheated on

    Don’t take my fries ever. I’ll buy one for you

  10. I’m not interested in having his children if it’s not possible for me to stay at home if I wish to.

  11. Im simple…. Let me have my downtime, dont EVER go through my phone because i wont go through yours, and dont fucking lie to me.

  12. My boyfriend can hang out with whoever he wants whenever, even in a 1 on 1 setting. He feels the same way about me. Saw a thread saying they didn’t trust their partners with the opposite sex 1 on 1 and that it was inappropriate. What? Since we’re both bisexual dudes are we both supposed to only see each other?

  13. Lack of self policing.

    I expect a woman to act respectful implicitly in regards to me, whether I am there or not.

    If she doesn’t, or pretends she doesn’t understand what being respectful towards the man she is with is… In my view she doesn’t think of herself as being in a relationship and there’s no relationship by default.

    Women are not stupid, they know when they are being disrespectful, especially towards the people they are close to. They know other people’s boundaries better than you know it yourself.

    Most women just think men are stupid and it’s fair game to shit on them as long as the fool doesn’t find out or makes a hissy fit like the insecure little bitch they see them as.

    The one exception is when they genuinely respect a man. For that man, be it a teacher, a drug dealer, a neighbor or their father, she will pull her bff’s hair out for talking shit. If I’m not the man that man for her, i don’t really want to be anything else.

  14. No unnecessary contact with exes or former FWB’s, and no inappropriate outings. I.e. she isn’t going out to dinner alone with that guy friend who’s been in love with her since the 6th grade, or her boss, or Kevin from work who’s probably gay.

  15. I’m kind of still learning where exactly to set this boundary, but I’m not really open to talking about past struggles and trauma until far into a relationship.

    I’ve met women who got a little pushy wanting me to share and “open up”, only to have them get scared away by the amount of baggage I have.

    It’s just easier and safer to keep things to myself.

  16. She must call to the sun every morning like a rooster. Dress as a Christmas ham on Fourth of July. Like Mustard.

  17. Dealbreakers, eh?

    * BPD, NPD, self-harm or major depression
    * Smoking, serious drinking, hard drugs
    * In the military, right-wing, militant vegan
    * Homophobic, transphobic, noticeably religious, owns a ‘male tears’ coffee mug or similar.

    On the other hand, I’m totally fine with sex work, other partners, etc.

  18. I had a life (and so did you) before I met you. And just like I will never know all there is to know about you, you are never going to know my every life experience. However, I expect you to respect my growth from my life experience as will I yours.

  21. This is one boundary/red line I didn’t realise I had until recently and, in fairness, no woman I have been in a relationship with has actually crossed it, so it’s pretty hypothetical.

    – Comparisons with other men. I mean stuff like “Friend’s husband does X, you should too” or “Coworker’s boyfriend is Y and Z, I wish you were as well”.

    I saw it mentioned in a parenting forum some time ago, as advice given by, presumably, a woman to another woman, and it kind of stuck with me as something I’d react very poorly to.

  22. If I know you aren’t crazy, it isn’t a huge deal, but people who put K-pop as an interest on their dating profile are too much of a red flag for me. Too many K-pop girls are crazy about shallow music and in love with idols they’ve never even met.

  24. 1. I deliver the house. She makes it a home. I only do that when she doesn’t have kids from a prior relationship.
    2. If she even suggests anything in the direction of an open relationship or sleeping with other men I end the relation on the spot.
    3. She has to be a complement to my life not the focus. Otherwise she has to go.

  25. For a majority of men a lot of attraction is lost when a woman has even alluded to the fact that they have slept with many other men.

  26. Exes are a no go in a relationship if you’re on friendly terms cool but I’m not interested in a relationship with you then

  27. My wife and I keep our own bank accounts. We have a joint account that we transfer in shared expenses or to spot eachother for a purchase as needed.

    The way we see it, we each worked our asses off. We each deserve to take care of our funds as we see fit

  28. If something is bothering you about me Or anyone, talk the thing out of your fucking mouth… Say it…. I won’t be able to read your mind obviously and say loudly if you are introvert…

  29. Needing or wanting space in a relationship. Often times your significant other thinks your trying to be up to something or be sneaky when in reality everyone needs mental breaks sometimes

  30. Partners checking phones, facebook, social media, emails etc is an absolute no go for me. If you’re in a relationship and do this to your partner you need help.

    Division of income, housework and child raising responsibilities should be equal, no matter the gender. Where someone is earning more, working more hours etc then the other should pick up the slack in other areas to compensate.

  31. We keep sodas in the fridge. If you take one and there’s one one left, fill her back up.

    Don’t wake me up on purpose, ever, unless it’s an actual emergency. This includes wanting to have any sort of semi-serious conversation when I’m essentially half way to falling asleep – which for me is about 2minutes after I put my head on a pillow.

  33. Keep yer fingers out of my arse crack.

    I dont know why but several of the girls ive dated have had this obsession with tryin to stick fingers up my arse and I dont always mean durin sex but when im stood doin dishes or summit and im fully dressed!

  34. I need my space, even if it’s a very little one, like a part of a cupboard. And you will never ever go there, you will not open it, without me allowing it first. You will not rearrange anything, you will not have a look.

  35. The things I say to you in confidence are not to be shared with your girlfriends. Neither are the details of our sex life or personal thing like how much money I make.

    I don’t think every woman understands that telling their girl friends this stuff is a betrayal of trust.

  36. Rule: i must be able to say anything to my so. And with that i mean anything, and vice versa. This, plus the rule that we always view each other as 100% equal makes the golden rules.

  41. These are all unrelated:

    Our home is our baby. No matter how angry we get, we do not hit or neglect our home. We are adults, we talk things out, and give each other space to calm down, but we never hurt the baby.

    (Only matters when dating): I won’t meet your kids until we are seriously considering committing to each other. I can break up with an adult all day, but telling a kid I won’t be around anymore, never again.

    And if you joke about cheating on or ‘replacing’ me, it’s over.

  43. Bullying.

    Some of you boys be living in some hella abusive relationships and are a ok with it. Any dude with the happy wife happy life mentality needs help.

  44. Never blurt the ‘break up’ word so lightly unless you really really mean it. Not sure if this is controversial even but I know people who use this habitually during arguments.

  45. “I cooked so you clean the dishes” is a huge crock of shit! Cooking is way more fun than doing the dishes and if the cooker is cooking because the other person comes home later from work then it isn’t a choice.

    I’m saying this as someone who does the cooking AND cleans the dishes.

    If you want to divide the duties of cooking and dishes then fine, go for it, but the reasoning of “I cooked so you clean” is some selfish BS.

  46. Apparently I wasn’t supposed to have any. If I did, it meant I didn’t “love her enough.” Suffice it to say, we are no longer together.

  47. I am my own independent person with lifelong friends, both male and female, that are part of who I am. I have my own interests, some of which you probably don’t share. If I want to have lunch with my female friends, I will do so.

    On the other hand I expect my partner to do the same. Have interests, friends, be an independent person. That way they feel whole as an individual and they have their wants and dreams completely fulfilled.

    We are partners and we are equals.

    They are with me because they want to be. If they don’t, that’s fine also. The result of this has been a pretty good relationship where she has developed into a remarkable professional and person. The horribly abused and very uncertain and not confident person I met years ago has developed into an amazing adult.

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