Hey everyone! I (27F) am about 2 months out of a long term relationship that ended when I found out about my ex’s serial cheating. It was traumatic and sudden and I broke up with him on the spot and have been no contact since.
I’ve been on a pretty intensive healing journey since then. I’ve been in therapy, started going to the gym again, journaling every day, reaching out for support, taking care of myself, letting myself feel whatever feelings arise. To be honest I’ve been doing really well.
About a month ago, I met a really sweet guy. We hung out a few times and there was definitely mutual attraction, but at that time I was very hesitant to get involved in any way, so I made sure he knew. I told him about where I was at and he completely understood, and we decided to be friends.
A few weeks later, I started to feel more ready for something physical. So I communicated this to him and also said, big picture, I do want a serious relationship with someone, but right now I’m still emotionally unavailable and don’t feel like it would be right to lead anyone on.
He told me he was just looking for casual as well, and we both agreed to give it a try.
Well, to my (not-so) surprise, the sex was absolutely fucking amazing. Mind blowing. We were both stunned afterwards at how good it was and that was only the first time together.
Then we got together again a few days later, and it was even somehow better. I don’t think I’ve ever had sex this incredible in my life. The eye contact is so hot and we just connect so deeply. It’s honestly a completely new level of intimacy than I’ve ever experienced. He said the same.
This has helped me so much in the process of moving on from my ex, especially since it’s showing me what I was missing in our sex life. I was honestly really sexually starved and having these needs met feels incredible.
But I’m realizing that, with all the personal work I’m doing and in therapy, combined with this newfound experience, I’m starting to feel ready for a relationship way sooner than I expected I would. And I know that that means I’ll have to probably end things with this guy, since the boundaries are clear that it is just casual.
I honestly feel stuck, hahaha. I want to make sure that I’m not investing too much of my time into something that isn’t going to go anywhere once I decide I am ready for something serious. But this sex is absolutely insanely amazing and is making me feel SO good, I don’t want it to end. Damn.
Any advice?!
2 comments
Well feelings can change.
I’d say be honest. Maybe his feelings changed too? Otherwise you could also start dating and keep him as a fwb as long as you’re not having anything serious with someone else.
You seem AWFULLY certain that he hasn’t caught any feels for you. 😉
Communicate. Talk to him. Tell him that contrary to what you said, you feel like you’re ready for emotional intimacy and a big-r Relationship a lot sooner than you thought you’d be. How does he feel about that?
If he’s adamant that nope, sorry, he really doesn’t have room for that in his life, that’s a bummer, but you can ethically still keep right on banging him. And then when you meet someone you want to get serious and exclusive with, you end things with this guy. Seriously, unless you’re worried that you’re going to fall HARD for him if he keeps fucking you that well, why end it before you have to?
But if tells you hey, well, maybe keeping it “casual” isn’t as important as he thought and he might want to see where this road leads…huzzah.
Either way, you don’t necessarily have to end this. Just let him know where your head is at, see how he feels, and go from there.
Also, congrats on what sounds like an absolutely glorious rebound relationship.
Good luck. You got this.