How do I (M32) get over my married best friend (M32)?

This is a throwaway account because I’m genuinely scared of being found out.

My best friend, let’s call him Nico (M32) and I (M32) have been best friends since first grade. We’ve always done everything together, have always been super close, and I never had many other friends besides him. We helped each other through some tough times and he has always been something like my “safe haven”.

I might not have been completely aware at the time, but looking back I think I have been in love with Nico ever since we’ve first gotten to know each other. Of course at the beginning it was more of an innocent infatuation, thinking he’s just the coolest person I know etc., but when we got older I started to get sexually attracted to him as well, and since we spent so much time together he was just my ‘everything’.

We grew up in a conservative and homophobic environment, which lead to me never allowing myself to even actively think about him or other boys and men this way, until more recently. I’ve known that I’m gay for some years now, but I never told anyone I actually know in real life and I have never been in a long term relationship with anyone because of my internalised homophobia and my struggle with self-acceptance (and well, because my heart has always been with Nico).

In the past, Nico has said homophobic things, but I’m pretty sure that was also due to his upbringing. In the mean time he has changed a lot and grown to be a lot more liberal, but I’m still unsure how he would react to me coming out to him as gay, even without him knowing that I have always been in love with him. I just don’t want our friendship to end or change.

Nico met his wife about 6 years ago, let’s call her Sally (F38). Before Sally, he never had a serious relationship either. This has led me to believe that I might have a chance with him st some point after all. When we were teenagers there were some cases of drunken kisses that we never talked about. I thought/hoped he could maybe feel the same. But well, then he met Sally. Sally is amazing, she is smart and funny and easygoing and I totally get why he would choose her, I really wish it could be this easy for me as well. Sally and Nico got married a few years ago and have a child together. I was Nico’s best man at the wedding, which really ripped my heart out. Sally has always been most welcoming to me and invited me to stay with them etc. They have even named their child after me, which to me is completely crazy and heart-breaking. I feel like if they knew about my true feelings, they would be mortified. So, I am terrified they could find out, which is also why I am scared of coming out.

Obviously, I am miserable in this situation and I have been for ages. I don’t want to be miserable anymore. Hopefully I will start therapy later this year. I know I have to move on, but I don’t know how. I don’t want to stay alone forever, crying after my childhood friend who obviously isn’t interested. The last time I tried to put a distance between us, I worked a year abroad with much less contact than before, it didn’t help at all. I was thinking about him even more than at home. A lot of you might be quick to recommend cutting them out of my life anyway, but there is one more issue. Nico and I have founded a company together which is going pretty strong, but also means that I can’t just leave and cut them out of my life.

I seriously don’t know what to do. I feel like I will always be alone and sad, because I will never be able to have a family like he does and even if I’m ever able to love someone else, I’m scared they would always feel like a second choice. Also, I am scared of losing Nico (and Sally’s) friendship and my close relationship with their son.

TL;DR: I (32M) have been in love with my probably straight and married childhood friend (32M) for 25 years and I am miserable, I don’t know how to move on without cutting him out of my life.