What is something you want to tell but never told anyone?

15 comments

1. My sister and I sometimes talk about how we think our mother is somehow still alive(she passed away 4-5 years ago)

2. That I’m lonely for the first time in my life. I spent years raising my son by myself and was perfectly happy but in the past 6 months or so I’ve suddenly felt desperately lonely, I won’t tell anyone because people have always viewed me as a “strong independent woman who doesn’t need anyone else” – and up until recently that’s been true. I think I’m worried it will change people’s perception of me in a negative way. Other than that I’m an open book, I’ve been raped, had an abortion and done things I’m not proud of and will happily open up about those things but hell will freeze over before I tell people in my real life that I’m lonely af.

3. What is your secret?

   We all have different ways of handling things, especially during these hard times. I want to know what is it that helps people keep it together.

4. I’m pan romantic

5. I’ll likely die by suicide.

6. My reaction to friends and people I know getting engaged, married or having babies is initially sadness and jealousy. I have to force myself to give the ‘right’ response.

   I feel shitty about it. Of course I’m happy for them, but those negative emotions are stronger right now because I’m unhappy in my life.

7. I’ve never been in love. I sometimes doubt I’m capable of loving someone else in the way others seem to be able to. I’m scared I’ll never find my person and I’ll die alone.

8. Sometimes I feel like I’ll never get myself together. I have no sense of direction anymore and that’s a problem.

9. I don’t like anyone in my friend group, but I feel stuck with them/don’t have another group of friends. These were people I was friends with in high school. When I went to college I made different (better) friends who I was close with during that time. After I graduated, I moved back home to be with my boyfriend (now husband) because that’s where he lived. So naturally, I lost touch with my college group (except for two girls). The only people I knew back at home were my high school friend group, so that’s who my husband and I hung around with.

10. My father passed away 2 years ago. I still send him emails and random DMs about my life. I miss him. I couldn’t see him when he was dying. Covid and no international flights.

11. My friends boyfriends or hookups message me constantly. I just delete them and act like I don’t see the messages. I have tried to tell one friend, and she ended our friendship insisting it’s the way I dress and that I’m flirtatious but I have my friends best interests in mind!

12. That I still suffer so much from a single sentence my ex told me when I was at my lowest when didn’t know how to continue with my life (many things amongst which ..my dad slowly dying from cancer). I feel so much shame for my actions but also so much pain still from what he called me. I feel like I’ll always carry it with me.

13. That I don‘t just ‚like‘ this guy. I actually think I am in love with him.

14. Well, this week I learned that my friends see me as a bit of a prude. One of my girlfriends and I were talking about what attracts us most when it comes to guys. I told her about the soldier I sometimes meet on my daily run. The army often uses the old industrial park for military exercises, so soldiers are a common sight around here. And the sight of him in full uniform with a beret and everything makes me giggly. He’s always so friendly and polite, plus, he has a warm voice and a sweet smile. The first time I met him I was sorely tempted to turn around and ask if I could come home with him. This was like a big surprise to my friend, who actually gasped and said my name all shocked. I said nothing, but it did annoy me. I told another friend about it, and she said “well, you never talk about that stuff.” And she’s right, I don’t. There’s a reason for it; my only real relationship ended in a very messy breakup that I actually gave up on recovering from. I didn’t get any kind of closure, besides, life goes on and other things took priority. I didn’t have so much as a crush for a whole decade. So, to blush over an attractive man again after all that time made me feel good, and normal. I didn’t tell my friends that, nor that since first meeting Private Awesome, I’ve worn my running jacket with the zipper pulled down just a little bit ❤️

15. I miss my daddy. Every day I think about who he used to be, and how I was in love with him. He’s still alive, but he’s so different now that the daddy I used to love is now dead.