TL;DR for still getting tattoos even though my bf hates them? Even though I told him I’d only get my arm covered since it bothers him that bad?
Background info- My bf (20) and I (20) have been together for 5 years. Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been OBSESSED with tattoos. I would draw all over my body to to mimic them, for years I wanted to be a tattoo artist, when I was 11/12 I created a binder where I store hand drawn ideas and inspo I’ve printed out from the internet. I wpuld give myself stick and pokes in middle school (they’ve faded since) My plan since I was in elementary school was to start my tattoo journey once I hit 18. This art form is really important to me and I love learning the history of tattoos. I have essays written about ancient tattooing, indigenous tattoo traditions etc because I’m not just interested in the appearance of tattoos I really appreciate the history. Tattoos are very important in my culture. I’m mixed race and on both sides tattoos have cultural significance.
Anyways, he hates them. He absolutely hates tattoos. He’s disgusted by them. He doesn’t appreciate them as an art form. When I got my first (I have 3) tattoo he was so upset. I was so in love with the tattoo and excited about it but I couldn’t express that around him. The tattoo has a lot of meaning behind it and it’s something I’ve wanted since I was a child. But he was very open about it being a stupid idea and that’d I regret it.
Today I have a consultation at a tattoo shop. I told him beforehand I’m getting it. I told him since it bothered him that much I would limit my tattoos to my arm. I’m giving up my lifelong dream of being tattooed because I know he HATES them. I thought it’d be a good middle ground to settle on. But he still hates the fact that I’m getting my arm done even though I “sacrificed” the entire rest of my body to stay “normal”. I’m overflowing with excitement and I wish I could talk to him about it cause he’s my best friend and I want to share how important this is to me. When I bring it up he furrows his eyebrows and gets quiet and talks with an irritated tone about how they look bad and he doesn’t want me to etc etc. From my point of view its my body and he should love me regardless of some marks of ink. It’s something I’m very very passionate about and I’m getting them for me not for him. It’s different if I was getting a huge face tattoo or something, right? He gets so moody and immature when I mention it that I don’t bring it up at all unless I have to (like telling him I have a consultation).my tattoo obsession predates our relationship and i feel like I shouldnt have to sacrafice a harmless passion. he hates piercings so I told him I wouldn’t get any and I even let my smiley piercing grow back. Its just hurtful that hed let something like a tattoo effect how he views me. I don’t want him to pretend that he loves it but I feel hurt knowing my bf would let something like a tattoo effect how he sees me. Sorry for the grammar and long paragraph but I need an outside opinion.
15 comments
My opinion is that if this is such a dealbreaker for you both in your own ways (your wanting to get more ink, and him being completely averse to the idea) then you should go your separate ways. You’ve already compromised by only having one arm inked and that’s still not good enough for him. So why bother? If he cannot accept that it is your body and your choice, then you should end this relationship. Because there just isn’t any further method of compromise is there?
I’m curious why he wants to be with someone who has tattoos if he hates them so much.
And I’m curious why you want to be with someone who hates something you love.
Do you know the difference between a tattoo and your first love? Tattoos are forever.
You two are incompatible. You know that, right?
You may match in every other area of life, but in life goals, you’re completely incompatible. The tattoo issue is breeding resentment on both sides. He hates them and likely resents you for getting the three you have already. You love them and resent him for not supporting your desire to get more. The resentment on both sides will continue to build until the relationship starts to suffer. The resentment will seep into other aspects of life.
He forgets to wash some dishes. You’re upset because you saw a great design you’d like for an ankle tattoo but know that you can’t get it because of him. Voila… argument over dishes but it’s really over tattoos.
You go out with friends to celebrate getting tattoo #4. He doesn’t go with but stays home and stews about it. You come home happy, he’s mad. Voila… argument over your going out.
Be smart about this. You two will never survive long term. You’re better off ending things while you’re still on reasonable terms and finding someone that would support and maybe even join your tattoo journey.
Having been in this situation before, I’ll be blunt and say it outright: break up with him. There’s no way to repair this fundamental lack of respect he has for your body. It’s something that will slowly infect multiple facets of your relationship until it crumbles. The clear disdain he has for you exerting control over yourself, coupled with the gradual resentment you’ll feel towards him because of this, is a recipe for disaster. You have already begun sacrificing parts of yourself to appease him, this needs to stop before you lose who you are. This isn’t just about a tattoo. It’s a battle for your sense of self.
I’m a tattooist and I can say for sure a tattoo lasts longer than most relationships. If it’s a deal breaker for him, let it be. If it’s a deal breaker for you, let it be. You two don’t sound compatible and it’s not his place to call the art stupid just because he doesn’t like tattoos. I don’t like sushi, I don’t call everyone who wants it stupid. Get the tattoo girl!
If you ever need any tips on how to get into the industry I’m happy to give you tips. It’s a hard thing to break into but it’s doable with passion, which you sound like you have plenty of!
Respectfully, your bf sounds like a controlling little b!tch.
Tattoos are normal. He clearly seems to have some deep seeded issues he needs to resolve. Insecurities maybe?
Frankly, nobody is worth giving up your dream. Especially if they call it stupid and provide zero support. I’ve seen dudes like these too often, I can see him use it against you (assuming he hasn’t already in arguments) and make it seem like you’re out of line/not respecting him etc etc.
It’s your body. Tattoo and pierce whatever the fuck you want on yourself.
Take it from an older guy, your bf needs to shut the fuck up and respect that. If he can’t respect that, then maybe it’s time to reevaluate the relationship. You’ve grown and matured, seems like he hasn’t.
Sorry for the directness, but I just wanted to be direct. He’s in the wrong. You haven’t done anything wrong at all.
Hoping you eventually find the clarity and answer you need.
Hoping you don’t give up on your dream. Think of the joy you’ll give people when they get their first ink from you. It’s the same joy you feel when you get your own. Rooting for you 🙏🏽💪🏽
He might break up with you if you get them. If you understand that and the tattoos are more important to you, you’re allowed to get them. Tattoos will be a turn off/dealkiller for a lot of guys (not all, but many). You have to decide what’s most important to you. Weigh out all the potential consequences of doing it vs not doing it before you make a decision.
I once was talking to a girl, the topic of tattoo’s came out and i said how i was planning on getting some tattoos done. she said she hated tattoos, with the only exception of very small ones.
i knew that a relationship wouldn’t work, so i didnt pursue it. precisely because this would happen. you two are incompatible. breaking up is the best solution.
I throw the boy in the trash and keep working on the sleeve. He loves who he wants you to be, ie his vision of “normal”, and not who you are
You’re going to get a lot of advice here saying that you should break up with this guy. And honestly, I think you should consider that. You’ve been with him since you were 15. You’ve grown and changed, he’s grown and changed.
Look, if this was just “I like tattoos” my advice would be different. But you love tattoos. They are a huge passion for you. You have every right to get as many tattoos and piercings as you want. Your body is yours, and yours alone. That “moody and immature” behavior? It’s not going to get better.
Also? He HATES tattoos. He hates the ones you already have, and it’s only a matter of time before he starts bothering you about laser removal or something. There’s really no compromise between “I want to cover my body with beautiful tattoo art” and “I do not want my partner to have any tattoos at all, ever.” You are living in a miserable compromise where neither of you get what you want.
Break up. You’re so young, and you have such an amazing passion for a beautiful form of art. Don’t let your high school boyfriend crush your passion for another year.
Why does his opinion matter with what your doing with your own body?
I have a single, small tattoo and I don’t mind the look of one or two small ones on a partner. Personally, though, I find a heavily-tattooed look very unappealing so I wouldn’t date someone who was, and if my s.o. was dead set on going on a “tattoo journey” (whatever that is) I’d wish then the best and break things off. Getting mad and trying to strongarm someone into changing/not changing their appearance for you is super douchey, though. I wouldn’t take that from this guy.
This relationship is not going to last, get all the tattoos you want.
You both should break up, but just letting you know a lot of men dont find tattoos attractive at all.