Hi before you judge me that I was searching his phone please be so kind and acknowledge that I’m kinda drunk and this situation has occurred year before today ( I found out because he was showing something on his phone before and he received a message – didn’t go through his phone then) thx ily
So me (20F) and my by (22m) of 4 years are currently wine drunk, we have pretty good relationship (although I can keep my jobs for longer period of time but it’s okay ). We had sex and he has fallen asleep, I started going through his phone because I’m kinda mad that he didn’t spend more time with me today and as soon as he came he just fell asleep ( I know it’s body functions but I’m still a kinda upset) so i went through His phone. I found out that he contacted 2 of His ex flings. He didn’t mention anything specific or romantic but it still bothers me as he often says that exes should be exes and he doesn’t want to “travel back in time” because it’s useless. But that’s kinda funny because he contacted his 2 exes at the same day saying stuff like ,,Hi I was just thinking about you” (she responded with simple “ok”) and 2nd girl with ,,Hi do you still remember me?”(she didn’t even see that message).
He wrote it exactly year and 2 months ago.. I know this was a hard time for him because he relapsed, but still that’s not an excuse for contacting your ex right… well I feel bad because this has happened before one time and I feel upset that maybe I don’t even know what he is up to. We live together, have nice relationship- he always cleans,cooks and we spend nice quality time together (even intimate life is great in his words -but I’m his 1st)… I don’t want to bother him with it and seem like I’m bossy but it kinda bothers me because it wasn’t a long time ago.. should I confront him or let it slide ?
3 comments
Lol being drunk has become an excuse for not being responsible these days. Sad!
There are two ways you could do this.
A) Talk to him, bringing up something that happened a year ago, and possibly angering him or breaking his trust (you went through his phone). If you go this route, definitely let him know you aren’t accusing him, you’re just letting him know that him texting with ex’s makes you uncomfortable. Obviously with this one you’d have to bring up going through his things.
Or
B) Forget it happened and never bring it up again, keeping the status quo, but possibly allowing him to feel like he got away with something.
It’s really your call.
I would probably go with the first out of guilt and just overall wanting all the cards to be on the table (so that nothing slips out in a surprise argument). Just let him know you are sorry for going through it, and that you wont be doing it again. After that gague his reaction and move accordingly.✌
Let it slide is not an option since it’s clearly bothering you. I wouldn’t think much of him contacting his exes, doesn’t mean he’s not happy with you or whatever sometimes you just appreciate that person or just want to know what they’re up to especially if they were important in your life and he was having a hard time when he contacted them.
Also if you’ really value your relationship do not go through his phone please just ask him what’s up if he’s not spending enough time with you or your needs are not being met. I personally suck at communication and having those hard conversations almost send me into a panic attack but I certainly wouldn’t choose this alternative which is running all over my partner’s privacy and sabotage a relationship that supposedly makes me happy