Tl;dr: I’ve been in a very happy relationship with my gf for several yrs. Recently, I ran into a girl I hadn’t seen in years and she invited me to get drinks with her some afternoon. I’m pretty sure she has a bf but I don’t know if I should go. I want to be friends with her but I don’t want to make it feel like a date or do something stupid that would compromise my relationship. Please advise. Thank you!
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Recently an interesting event happened and I am having a dilemma as to what I should do about the situation. While going through a local park, I ran into an old female friend of mine, who I hadn’t seen for years since high school. We talked for a bit, caught up on how we were doing in life. Basic stuff, but the conversation felt natural and friendly. She seemed interested in maintaining the convo, so it wasn’t one of those awkward situations.
We parted ways after a few minutes of chit-chat and I continued making my way through the park. It started getting dark after around 30 minutes, so I turned around and headed back to my car.
When I got back to the parking lot, I was taken aback by what I saw. Looking, there were literally just 2 cars in the whole parking lot – mine… and hers. She had parked right next to me, with her car and headlights turned on, waiting for me.
As I opened my car door to enter, she popped out of her car and hastily asked me if I would be down to get drinks with her some afternoon. I didn’t quite hear what kind of drinks or how many exactly she said though – not sure if she meant like coffee or alcohol.
In the moment, I didn’t know what to say, so I just quickly said “sure, I think we follow each other so we can talk more”. Then, she said “ok”, got in her car, and left.
I sat there in my car and contemplated on what had just happened and what would’ve been the correct thing to do. I’m not sure if it’s appropriate or not to hang out with her and get a few drinks somewhere, so any advice would be appreciated.
I genuinely think she’s a cool and very interesting person; we share some nature-loving aspects, so I’d like to be friends with her. It also takes some balls on her end to to ask a guy to get drinks with her, so I appreciate that.
But I also want to prevent this from going down a different route. I’m not trying to get tipsy and careless and do something stupid that I will later regret. Or vice versa.
I think she has a boyfriend and probably knows that I am also in a relationship. But still. I don’t want to have to go through a dangerous situation which feels almost like a date.
So what should I do?
Any advice will be appreciated.
21 comments
There’s nothing wrong with hanging out with her if you’re honest with your girlfriend and tell her about it. And you shouldn’t get too drunk, either.
Did you mention your gf in the conversation with her? Because it sounds like she is asking you in the hopes of a potential romantic connection. I would not feel ok about my partner going to get drinks one on one with a new woman he just met- that feels too much like a date. If you really do want to pursue a friendship (and ONLY a friendship) with her, then you should a) immediately tell your gf that you reconnected with a friend and ask if she’s cool with you getting coffee with her sometime and b) re-direct this girl to getting coffee rather than drinks.
Men and women can be friends. Go and have fun. Do not lie to your girl friend about it.
Would probably ask your girlfriend how she feels about it?
The fact that you’re asking us rather than your girlfriend is odd. This is a situation that can only be resolved with her. It’s quite unsettling that you’re already worried about the possibility of this going another route. To me, that indicates you like her in some capacity, which you should tell your girlfriend about as well. If you genuinely find nothing wrong about getting drunk with another woman and liking her enough that cheating is a possibility, go for it. Just be honest with your significant other about it.
My initial reaction is that men and women can be friends and there is nothing wrong with that. The comment about how “it takes some balls on her end to ask a guy to get drinks with her” makes it sound like you think it was initiated as more of a ‘date’. Would you bring your girlfriend to this meetup?
Just always be honest with your girlfriend, the other girl and yourself.
You can always ask your gf if she wants to come. But Def let your gf know and get her thoughts.
Just dm her and be like “gf and I are going to ( whatever place) at this time, you should come hang out! If she takes it badly, that’s on her, and you have your answer.
I’d have no problem with my bf meeting up with an old friend. As long as I’m in the loop, there are no trust issues. I do want to meet the other person, though. That’s just me, I like making new friends.
I mean there’s obviously nothing wrong with having friends that are the opposite gender of you, but it kind of already seems like you’re thinking something is very possible of happening if you’re ‘tipsy and careless’…
It kinda sounds like she just wants to be friends to me. Esp. if you have a GF and she has a BF.
Are you asking if it’s ok, or if it’s ok to hide it from your gf (bc that’s what it’s sounding like?). I think as long as you tell your gf you’re good.
Be up front about it. Message her “hey it was cool running into you and I’m glad we got to catch up. Let me know if you want to get a coffee and chat some more.” And you tell your girlfriend you’re going to catch up with an HS old friend. Be clear that you have a gf. And don’t assume this friend is looking for anything more than friendship either.
First, talk to your GF. Don’t let her think this is going on behind her back.
Next, talk to this other girl and tell her “Why don’t I bring my GF, and you bring your BF. Maybe go out for dinner and catch up? I’d love to hear what you’ve been up to…”
Just take your girlfriend with you, or other friends if your girl doesn’t want to go. Make it a social gathering, instead of something intimate with only 2 people.
Honestly as a gf, I would not be ok with my boyfriend getting drinks with a girl I do not already know and was comfortable with.
NO. Go out in a group and take your gf too.
This is how my boyfriend would write (or something similar) when he got approached by female like this,
“There is this cafe I often go with my girlfriend, they have nice cakes and coffee. I’ll ask when my gf has time next week and we can hangout together there!”
If you’re girlfriend is not interested in joining. You can also propose to just casually meet-up in a cafe during the lunch break, so the set up doesn’t seem or sound like date. Mention your girlfriend in a subtle way like, “my girlfriend likes the coffee there!”
It shows friendliness and gives subtle message it’s not a date, you’re not interested in a date with her, just normal hangout.
Edit:typo
You’re already saying If you got tipsy/careless enough it could go down a different route.. if I heard that as your girlfriend I would be livid that you’re even entertaining meeting her alone for drinks. If you have to see this woman, make it a double date with your girlfriend and her boyfriend. Unless you haven’t actually mentioned you’re in a relationship which your post slightly implies- and it doesn’t seem you know for sure if she has a boyfriend either.
Take ur partner with you so you’re setting your boundaries and also able to have a good time regardless.
She waited by your car for 30 minutes. That’s not normal. Do not go out with her unless you bring your girlfriend.
Take you gf with you if you decide to meet for drinks. Otherwise block her.
> I’m not trying to get tipsy and careless and do something stupid that I will later regret
Why is this a worry? It sounds like you may be asking this question because you are wrestling with giving yourself permission to take steps you know are inappropriate.
The obvious solution here in general would be to tell your girlfriend about the encounter and make it clear to this woman that you’re taken but would be fine to get together as friends. The fact that this wasn’t your impulse but rather you are concerned about being tempted to cheat makes me think that perhaps you can’t handle that kind of situation and shouldn’t go.