I had to leave the house. I came home from work. I cooked and called her to come eat. Kelsey went on about all of her exes and her sexual past. It’s okay, she’s done it before. She talked about their male organs and made comparisons. I didn’t engage.
She started her “free woman talk”. Her narrative goes that she’s a free spirit, that relationships are very unwanted and that again, she’s supremely over the top and unreachable as a woman.
I kept quiet. Honestly there’s nothing I could say to appease her when she’s ranting. She said she should be with a doctor or a lawyer because she has that kind of quality, not with me as I’m not sophisticated enough. She never finished college, she’s not exactly elegant but okay, fair enough. I would have never used that to bring her down.
I didn’t respond, so she got up and poured her plate over my head, then poured the bean casserole too. I inmediately got up to leave and she started screaming. I called the police not because I wanted her taken away ( they wouldn’t, she’s a mental patient) but to make sure the authorities get the record straight that I’m not abusing her.
An officer showed up and I took the opportunity to take out all my clothes and all my pets ( birds, dogs and cats) with all their belongings and went straight to a friend’s house ( he offered) . I showed the officer my recording ( video I took when she refused to let me out of the house). I’ll be staying with my friend until I find a suitable place that’s pet friendly, so if I’m lucky in my search, it will be next week.
My family has been warned. I changed my number and will go get a new device just for my peace of mind. I’m deleting all my social media because I got dozens of messages from her. She can’t show up to my place of work because of it’s default tight security, but I’m taking a detour just in case.
I just wish she gets better and finds a good balance in life. I still feel bummed out because I didn’t get to sit down and end things property, but this is it. I put her first too many times while she never took responsibility for herself or her actions. I don’t know if I can do anything to help her of if I should. She has a job that I didn’t agree with ( serving drinks at a bar, although she’s not a bartender) because alcohol is an issue. She angrily refused to get a different job until I found out she was cheating. She promised not to do it again but didn’t leave her job. I don’t know if her latest crisis has anything to do with her being into someone else. I forgave her at that time and it didn’t pay off. A Reddit use said that she’s just abusive, abd that her attitude has nothing to do with her illness and that got me thinking.
I love Danie so we’ve discussed that I’ll be going to therapy to avoid old self esteem issues to seep into my new relationship.
33 comments
Honestly you dont deserve to be treated that way mate you did tge right thing she didnt seem to respect you in any way mental patient or not.
Yeah that’s not a “mental disorder” that’s just being an abusive, man hater. There is no mental disorder in the DSM5 that makes you pour food on people or make your partner feel like shit about themselves. Honestly, she just sounds like an asshole.
The good news is you’re out of there. I’m sorry things happened that way.
Therapy will help and you’ll be better.
Wish nothing but the best for you OP.
Get away from this wacko. Let her fulfill her Wonder Woman destiny then. She shouldn’t complain too much since she will be with a doctor or a lawyer in no time. Don’t feel bad for her. Get away from her she’s her own problem now.
“Wonder Woman, I’m setting you free.” Then block her on everything and go no contact. Mentally unstable people never take things well.
Hopefully you know, but you have no obligation to see to her well-being, but if you want to do that, it should definitely be from a distance.
I think collecting your pets and things and leaving with a police presence is as proper of an ending as you’re going to get. Don’t open yourself up to more of her bullcrap by trying to talk to her.
Oh man. I know the gut wrenching feeling of having to hurt someone you care for but at this point you have to primarily concern yourself with your own mental AND PHYSICAL well being, what you’re describing had already gone way too far and was headed towards a brick wall.
I don’t think there’s anything you can do to help her at this point. I hate to say it, but speaking from personal experience, I also think you have to be prepared to deal with the psychological aftermaths of this for a while. Therapy is a great idea.
Sounds like she used whatever mental disorder she had or claimed to have to act like an abusive asshole. Unfortunately many people tend to do that…
I live with several mental illnesses and wouldn’t dare think about doing that to my boyfriend. her behavior is absolutely appalling and you shouldn’t stand for it anymore. find someone who will love, respect, and cherish you
Don’t use the term breaking up.
Tell her that you’ve thought about all she’s said, and realized that your relationship is unfair to keep her free spirit contained, and that maybe she would be better off with someone more sophisticated, like the doctor or lawyer she desires. Explain that you wish her nothing but the best, you tried your best and you’ll always remember her, but it is time for you two to go your separate ways, and it would be best if she not contact you again. Put this in writing, send it to her via return receipt mail.
Then, take a copy of the letter and the video of her abusing you to the police and file a restraining order cause she is unstable. She needs help, and it may take an involuntary stay and evaluation to get her that help. The restraining order is the means to both protect yourself as well as get the conduit to get her the overdue help.
Abusers will do it again and you should not care if you hurt her I know it sounds harsh but it’s the truth. After they abuse there’s a honeymoon period full of apologies and promises to go to therapy ect but it’s just a cycle cut her out for good go to therapy and be by yourself for a while and heal!
OP, your own mental health is important as well. You cannot help someone who’s lost and is not willing to help themselves. Dealing with someone who suffers from mental illness is not easy and it’s not ideal to have relationship with them as they are not in their right mind. It’s not fair for both parties. Focus on yourself, your safety and your healing. All the best to you OP.
No contact mane block on everything, sometimes you gotta throw the whole person away
Did you get burned or anything from the food???? Holy crap
When someone behaves like this, there is proper way to end things.
Leave it at this and continue to move on and don’t look back
I hope you stay safe man. Awful thing to go through, but you’ve made good decisions for your own safety. I hope you heal from this 🙏 take care
You were her partner not her therapist. It’s not your job to “heal” her, she needs professional help with that. The only thing you can really do is help yourself. Treat yourself like you deserve to be happy. You did the best you could do for her, now it’s time to think about your happiness and future.
You did good to get out man. People like that only escalate. They are exhausting and mentally draining to deal with. And you don’t owe her a damn thing. She and her toxic behavior caused the break up. You owe this abusive girl nothing.
The fuck is her entitlement coming from? What makes her think she deserves anything she says she deserves? How delusional can one be?
Brother, run for the hills. Get out of that relationship. Criticism is ok, but a partner shouldn’t be belittling you.
Are the police able to press charges? Pending charges can compel her into treatment in some places.
You deserve better and freedom. Mental illness does not excuse abuse
Thats not love dear, its a trauma bond.
And I think you might have used her real name at the end there.
Need to stop using mental illness as an excuse,
Good that you are out. She sounds like a narcissist, not only mental disease. Hope you find a place to rest up, safe from her.
Run
Most people who are abusive are mentally ill. People don’t usually want to intentionally hurt people, especially people they love. I’m unsure what advice you are wanting, maybe just making sure she has family to go to after her hospital stay and you’ve done the rest.
I’m glad you are getting help. I’ve been there.
There may be things about her that you love, but you don’t love *her*, as you don’t fully know who she is. She herself isn’t sure of who she is, either, and that’s a part of her symptomatology. Given the events you related, I’d say she doesn’t have control over her actions, and, by definition, needs inpatient intervention.
In her narrative, you are of little importance, as she is of “higher caliber”, as it were. This is her expression of grandiosity, and is just part of her “arranging her domain.”
Whatever else you can be, you can’t be her live-in psychotherapist; no one can take on this role.
I don’t think that in the near term, she can be able to have a relationship with you, or anyone else. Not knowing her history, I can’t begin to guess if she’s ever going to get better or not; only time will tell. I sorry this has taken place in your life.
I wish you well.
You just have to tell her flat out that the relationship is over and be prepared to get a restraining order if necessary. I dated a guy with mental disorders and tried my hardest to make it work. He is too stuck in his ways and verbally attacks me and I was scared it would become physical because he told me to hit him if he upset me and had pushed me off the bed at times making me hit my head on the edge of the dresser and throwing hard objects at me. I just had to tell him it’s over and block him. He tried talking to my family and friends but they told him he needs major counseling and blocked him.
Mental illness doesn’t make you cruel.
Just walk away and never look back. Don’t give her another minute of your time.
Dude are you fucking nuts? You don’t want to feel bad? She was just giving you a rant about how she could do so much better after cheating on you and then pouring shit you cooked for her over your head! She’s lucky you didn’t crack her in the mouth and your worried about making her feel bad by leaving her abusive ass? My God dude how good was her pussy that you didn’t leave a long time ago?! Dude you need to love your self more, nobody should be worth more to you then you until you have children and then they are worth more to you then you but then you are number 2 unless you meet a good woman who is worthy to be with to be with you and start a real family at which point she is equal to you!! This bitches mental problems are not your problems, and you should never have elevated her in your mind beyond a side piece!! Love your self most of all and you will find a partner that’s willing to treat you the way you deserve to actually be treated, and the only reason your are now deciding to leave her is that your own self worth and self esteem made you believe that you deserved the way she was treating you after you forgave her over and over!! How does that make you any different then an abused wife?! You put up with abuse after abuse and deep down you took it because you felt you deserved it and the more she beat you down the more your self worth went down and the more you put up with and felt you deserved it! It wasn’t until she crossed the line and treated you worse then you treat your self worse then you felt you were worth that you said enough was enough! To everybody man or woman you are all with more then that! Love your self and you will never put up with someone who doesn’t live you as much as you do!! There would never be abusive relationships if everyone loved them seoves because nobody would put up with it long enough for it to turn abusive!! The second she said she could be with a lawyer you should of said “good bitch, go find your self a lawyer or a Dr dumb enough to put up with your crazy ass bullshit and get the Fuck out of my life cuz I’m done with you, go get passed around at work like you like with nobody giving a shit about you cuz I’m done with you” then poured the soup over her head, that would of been the proper way of breaking it off, grow some fucking ball and don’t ever let anyone giving one test you with anything less then respect!! I don’t care of you feel your worth it or not! Get used to telling people who aren’t with your energy to Fuck right off and I promise you you’ll start getting pretty dream good about your self, stop whining, you don’t need and damn therapist to kiss you but and steal your damn money!! Stop thinking you need anyone but your self and be self reliant so that you don’t need pieces of abusive garbage to validate your existence!! Above who has ever beat you down was wrong, they did it because they knew you were worth more then them because they were the weak ones and you were the strong one and they were so threatened by your strength that they had to beat you down so that you would believe that you weren’t!! Listen to what I’m saying and know that I’m right and that you have to snap out of this self pity cycle these jerks have pushed you into! Every second of every day is a new chance to be a new you, choose to be who you want to be every second of every day and you can be anything and anybody without anybody else just do it! Fake it until you make it if it doesn’t feel genuine yet but what else do you have to lose!! Be the person you want to be and forget pieces of crap like that because the days of people like that coming into your life are over! They will run away to find easier targets to be parasites on!! Mental Illness is no excuse for abuse and the only reason they think they can use it as an excuse is because other people have let them get away with it!!
What advice are you looking for? It sounds like you’ve broken up already. Why do you give her name as Kelsey then change to Danie?
I am very proud of how you handled all of that mess. I have a lot of family members with various mental illnesses, and honestly getting yourself as worked up as they are is only a recipe for disaster. Her tirades and the way she rants could be a sign of her illness, but the things she is saying (degrading you, comparing you to her exes, speaking about your d and size, etc etc) are not. That’s just her and her crap behavior.
She’s cheated on you, verbally and physically abused you, and clearly isn’t taking steps to help herself learn coping techniques or change her behaviors with therapy etc, so getting out of that situation is the best thing for you.
I am not sure what the very last line in the post implies, whether Danie is a new gf or the one the post is about, so I am a lil confused, but sometimes you just don’t have the luxury of breaking up face to face like a couple of rational adults when one of them is extremely irrational.
I have BPD. I’m sad to admit I’ve had 3 manic episodes where I harmed my husband. I don’t remember them. I absolutely broke down when I found out I did. After the first, I 100% IMMEDIATELY sought treatment. It took some time (in which the other 2 episodes occurred) but I’ve been on a medication/treatment plan that has prevented those episodes for 6 years (and i still meet with my psychiatrist weekly). After the first, I begged him to leave and keep himself safe. He didn’t (but would record when he realized I was having one) but if I hadn’t sought help he more than likely would have. Your ex was straight up abusive. Not seeking treatment whilst knowing you’re harming loved ones is abuse. I’m so glad you got out of that situation. I wish you the best <3