how long before the breakup did you know it was over?

8 comments

1. Depends on who breaks up with who.

   When I broke up with my ex I knew for about a month that was what I wanted to do. It was evident that this wasn’t working out, but I kept second-guessing myself.

   When two of my other exes broke up with me I knew about a week or so in advance because they stopped communicating as much as they usually did and they were overly more distant than before.

2. It was around a month. I had given up on trying to mend the relationship and the constant arguing was draining me mentally.

3. Honestly just a couple of hours. I was foolishly willing to continue putting up with the bs until I got some sense knocked into me.

4. about half a year.

   i was in a hospital for ptsd, depression and bulimia, but was sent home for a week because i had contact with my covid positive sister on the weekend prior. i was negative but it was hospital policy that you couldn’t get non-emergency treatment for ten days after contact. i decided to stay with my bf for that time.

   well we were drinking at his place with two friends who had tested negative. we were also negative. i specifically asked everyone if they were cool with staying at home as i didn’t want to risk catching covid at a bar. everyone said yes of course no problem. i already had called a few friends as a backup plan if the guys had said they really wanted to go out.

   well up until 2am it was all good. i was basically sober but the guys were drunk af. they said they just wanted to go and grab some cigarettes and then come right back to head to bed. i trusted them. well and then 20 minutes went by. then an hour. and so on.

   by 3am i was sobbing because i didn’t want to believe he’d be this inconsiderate. he knew i had been waiting for years for this hospital stay. he knew they’d kick me out completely if i got covid from him. he knew they’d also kick me out if i went to a bar or whatever. my whole mental health was at stake in that moment and i was extremely vulnerable as is.

   he eventually came back around 6am. i heard his friend yelling at him to stop being a fucking coward and talk to me already. he didn’t talk much when he came to me. i just asked him why. why did he lie, why did he do it anyway, why did he put alcohol before me once again. after all i did give him the option that i would stay somewhere else for the time.

   he said he didn’t care when he decided to head to the bar. it was his idea. his friends did not talk him into doing it. i just broke down sobbing because i knew it’d always be drinking before me. we’d been broken up once before because he preferred drinking to consoling me – when my grandma, boss and a dear customer died within a single week. and before that, he had left me alone in the middle of a city i didn’t know when i wanted to go home and he wanted to continue to drink.

   i know i should’ve left right then and there when it happened the second time. but i couldn’t. i loved him so much it was insane. i packed my stuff and went somewhere else to stay, but didn’t even leave the bed for days because it hurt so much. yet i decided to give it another chance.

   but honestly, deep down i knew we didn’t have a future then. i was naive and in love with all his potential. eventually, he broke up with me because he said he just wasn’t happy anymore.

   it was the best thing that could’ve happened. his drinking got worse, as he got into a fraternity just two weeks after breaking up. i talked to him yesterday and he already has several injuries from doing stupid drunk stuff.

5. Month ago, but I was second guessing myself so in the end he broke up with me….but good thing is that I wasn’t hurting myself for so long after break up because I was crying because of him month ago so I had like two mental breakdown day after and than I move on…but that month was horrible too many downs and only few ups

6. Probably 3-4 weeks. He started seeming less interested and was making up excuses to not see me. Ive always been told that people who want to spend time with you will make time for you. Sure enough, his flakiness led to him friendzoning me.

7. Honestly, the moment I proposed to him but I thought it was nervousness and I’ll get over it. I never did, he became verbally abusive etc etc.

8. 2-3 weeks before. We were casually dating with a deadline, but have hung out so much before I felt the slow fade. I guess I got a bit attached so I got anxious and grieved it before the final goodbye. I knew I couldn’t do anything about it as he owed me nothing. He’d reply to me as soon as he can during those weeks though, would put up with me and seemed happy to see me when he’d invite me over after I would ask, so was confused and I felt like I was overthinking things. Everyone told me to cut him off, but I wanted to see the whole thing through. Turned out that on our last night, when I asked him about it, he just told me that he felt emotionally dead due to work and that he was sorry if I felt like he was awkward. In that point, my hunch that I was not much of a priority to him was confirmed. I still feel a little pang on my heart these days but not as much as the grief I felt on those two weeks. We had a great time together and I appreciated his presence that’s why I’m feeling like this 😅