I’ve been single since 2016, working on my career
and getting myself in a more stable position
financially and otherwise. Never had any man
physically hurt me or any traumatic situations. I’ve
been slowly dipping my toe into the dating scene by
adding guy requests in IG. For whatever reason
after I add them they hit me up and I just freeze. All I
want to do is hide. I have great friendships with men
and get along well with male coworkers but when it
comes to interacting with men and they show
interest | feel myself shut down. I don’t understand
why and would love nothing more then to find a
lasting relationship because I finally feel like I’m
ready but then I can’t get past hello. I guess what
I’m asking is has anyone been though the same
after years of being single? How should I get over
this roadblock?
tl;dr: I want to start dating after years of being single but can’t seem to feel comfortable when men flirt with me.
4 comments
It sounds like you need therapy to work on why you shut down in these instances. If you have normal relationships with male friends and co-workers though I would suggest maybe going down that avenue. Looks for friendships first and if something develops then let it. Good luck to you 🙂
Because it’s randos from instagram sliding into your DMs. For some people that works and they find it fun and a way to meet people. For others, and I’m one of them, that’s super unnatural and without any reasonable mutual context I feel like the conversation would be forced and artificial. Every single partner I’ve ever had I met “organically”, through friends, hobbies, whatnot, and knew for a few months until things start progressing toward dating. Online dating, be it apps or insta or whatever works for many, but doesn’t for many others. I would try meeting people in more natural environments and see if you still feel the same. If yes then perhaps consider therapy, but if you’re anything like me you don’t actually have problem with dating, just with how unnatural these online contacts are.
Honestly the last time I dated was in 2012 and I can’t really say anything when it comes to dating advice but what I can suggest if you want to just start having a conversation make sure you’re in an environment that you know and understand so something like me personally I feel a lot more comfortable in environments that talk about things that very much interest me such as working on cars or fixing electronics and so on. If you set yourself up in those environments that you feel comfortable knowing what the subject matter is and just kind of start the conversation as friends rather than trying to look for someone to date it might help trick your brain and stop the freezing response that seems to keep happening when you try talking to a guy. Make sure that you take things slow and you don’t push yourself to far too fast and what I mean by that is Don’t force yourself into a situation you do not feel comfortable in because it’s not worth it and you’re just going to have a whole lot of headaches if you do. Like I said I can’t really give advice on dating cuz I’m not very experienced in that but if you need to talk or need advice on what might actually be something people talk about on different platforms or in person please feel free to message me my cat’s always open for stuff like this, I do hope you’re well and everything gets more peaceful for in the future. 🖖
I found that being one to initiate flirting helped me feel less like men were coming at me.