Recently one of my close male friends has been asking me about girl advice and then he would end by saying “ okay thank you, but would this work on you?”. Which for me was super bizarre but I would answer and say “ yes it would work on me” and he would say great! I am using that on her then.
I still don’t know how to take that, the way his tone was and the way he formulated the questions was like if he wanted to know ways to manipulate me for the future. I might be overthinking it thought…when me and him first met he wanted to date me but I told him I didn’t feel the same way. Then we actually developed a friendship and have hanged out together a bunch of times, I’ve even met some of his then gfs.
5 comments
You’re overthinking things.
He does not view you as a romantic relationship, simply platonic. When I ask my girl friends about these things, you want to know you’re getting ACTUAL advice, not something like “Just be confident” generic stuff. So by asking would this work on you, he’s more seeing if it is practical vs theoretical.
It’s completely normal for men and women who are friends to seek dating advice from one another and is also normal to ask if the advice would work on you. Not sure why you think he’s some evil mastermind trying to gather intel to manipulate you in the future—he just wants advice from a woman about how to get with another woman. This is not about you, at all. Men will ask female friends what to do or what their GF means when she says things—this is just how M/F friendships work.
I can tell you right off that your friend has feelings for you and is probably waiting around for you to fall in love with him. That’s just the reality when men and women are “just friends”, especially when the man is not someone who has a lot of success with women, like him. That being said, it doesn’t make him manipulative or that he’s got some sort of nefarious intentions, but he absolutely has a crush on you. Good news is, he’s not too hung up on you and is looking to date other women. So good for him. I’ve seen many man who was just in love with their female best friends and had a hard time accepting there was no future with her.
As far as him asking “would this work on you?”, it seems like a reasonable question since it wouldn’t be very good advice if it wouldn’t work on you. If the idea of him some day making some kind of move on you that would make you friendship awkward for you is something you’re worried about, the best thing is for him to get his own girlfriend, so you should help him.
He’s trying to get around bias. When you ask women for advice, they often tell you what they would want to be true, but they don’t take into account whether it’s possible for guys to actually approach them how they describe. By asking him if it would work on you, he’s asking you to run it through your head and think if that’s realistic and something that happens for you, or if it’s just the ideal way for a guy to approach you if everything aligns.