When a baby is born, how should their last name be decided?

34 comments

1. Through a reasonable and thoughtful discussion between the parents/caregivers.

2. By the person giving birth (with the exception of surrogates or people who intend to give the kid up for adoption.)

3. Their parents have 9+ months to discuss this

4. Preferably, such questions should be decided before trying to have a baby. Or during pregnancy.

5. I think giving the child both last names or using one as their middle name is an easy solution. If the parents aren’t into that, I would personally default to using the last name of the person carrying the baby.

   EDIT: if no one’s carrying the baby and they don’t want to give the baby both last names, I don’t think there’s a “fair” way to decide this. I guess, then, it would just be up to the parents to figure out who cares more or if there’s some other way to compromise (i.e., the baby gets Parent 1’s last name and Parent 2 gets to choose their first name, etc.).

6. My opinion, which I preach to my daughters, if he’s not going to marry you, the kids get your last name. Who wants to have kids with a different name after he bails.

7. Ultimately, it’s up to the parents. I feel sorry for children though who have their father’s last name when their father isn’t in the picture. For example, all of Tristan Thompson’s children have his last name, yet he doesn’t even acknowledge one of the kids and none of the kids have met one another.

8. i’m mexican and we get both of our parents last names so i think that’s a good idea. preferably for the mothers last name to be first tho since they literally make and birth it.

9. Ask the baby its opinion.

10. Whoever pushes the baby out of their body can name it. Both the first and last name.

11. Ideally before the baby is born, and by the parents. They should probably have that discussion before even getting pregnant. I don’t have an opinion on how they do it, as what works for me might not be the thing others want.

12. If neither wants their partner’s last name only, then let the kid have TWO last names. I know kids who do.

13. If unmarried, I think it should automatically be the mother’s last name. If married, I would say it needs to be a serious discussion before even getting pregnant on what they want to do and I don’t think any weight should be given in favor of using the man’s name just because of tradition because that’s just sexist.

    Personally, my dad is a third generation only child, my last name is *extremely* rare, and I’m the only option left when it comes to carrying on the family name, so I think people in my situation should be able to pass down their last name 99% of the time.

14. Personally it would get my name because I’m not doing work for 9 months and then don’t even put my name on it.

15. Depends on the last name, and the family and the parents.

    My mom’s last name is kind of a curse word with a different spelling. My dad’s last name has absolutely nothing notable about it. They choose Dad’s, and I’m very grateful for it.

    On the other hand, both my parents really didn’t care about continuing the family name. That can be important for some people. So it also should be part of the conversation. Especially if someone is attached to their cultural heritage and that cultural heritage show in the name.

    Also the first name you choose. If nothing else is important for you, maybe choose the last name that goes better with the first name you want.

16. I guess it would depend on the circumstance. If I’m raising a baby with someone, I would probably give them my partner’s last name (I don’t want to be married, ever). If I’m raising the baby alone it would have mine. We’ve always used middle names to honor deceased family members (mine is my great grandmother’s name, my brother’s is my grandfather’s who passed when my dad was a kid). So I would like to continue that tradition and not use a middle name for my last name.

    Hyphenated last names are super common where I live (non U.S). But most people end up defaulting to only using 1, and it gets ridiculous when both parents have hyphenated last names. Your kids won’t get 4 ie the mom is Smith-Erickson, the dad is Wilson-Phillips. The kid won’t be Smith-Erickson-Wilson-Phillips.

17. I think that’s something the parents should decide. It’s a private matter for the family unit. I see nothing wrong with choosing between the surnames or hyphenating them. Each family has it’s own unique situation to consider. It should be up to them to decide what works for them.

18. In an ideal world, the parents establish that long before they ever plan to have kids.

    If it’s not ideal and there’s any source of disagreement, locals laws usually have an answer (and it’s usually the birth parent’s name as default).

19. depends on what the parents want. many give their kids the fathers last name solely for tradition. if im not married then my kids will have my last name, because i birthed them

20. My partner and I both have short last names so a hyphenated combo didn’t seem too onerous, and that’s what we went with. I’ve seen names that are combos too – like if one person is Mackovicka and another is Ravenelle, you could name the child Sally Mack-Raven or Ravenicka. I think if things like this we’re more commonplace it would seem less weird and instead be kind of fun.

21. My opinion is that the child should NOT automatically just be given the father’s surname. (A couple kids in and pretty soon you have a family in which everyone has the same name except Mom, which has a weird “outsider“ feeling to it.) I like the traditional Icelandic system, in which girls are named for their mothers and boys are named for their fathers.

22. If the couple is together and plans to remain so then hyphenate. If the plan is for one parent to have custody then their last name

23. In my culture, all children keep their fathers last name forever.

    Women don’t change their name after marriage. Their name is oart if their identity signifying their family and heritage.

    I found it pretty bizarre when women change their name in the west after marriage. Imagine if you are a writer ir a professional, your degrees , diplomas etc

24. In whatever way makes the most sense for and/or works the best for the parents.

25. If the parents don’t share a last name, it makes sense to hyphenate. Although if the parents both have different hyphenated last names, I would lean on the side of the mother since they’re the ones who had a parasite in them that permanently altered their body and brain.

26. I guess whatever the parents decide? My son has my husband’s last name, largely because it sounds better with what we wanted our son’s first and middles names to be 🤷‍♀️

27. Through a discussion between the parents of course. There’s no “should” when it comes to which name to pick, it’s just whichever you feel works best for you.

    I have my dad’s surname even though my mum didn’t change her name when she married him. That’s just what my parents decided was right for them

28. As someone who does not plan to change my name ever, I want to give my child my last name. I would compromise by hyphenating with the father’s latest name.

29. If the parents are married and share a last name i think so should the kids depending on the relationship. If they arent married if the relationship isnt great or just in general they shouldn’t get the fathers last name.

30. Whichever parent’s last name sounds the best

31. I think society as a whole should be a lot more flexible with last names. All parents should figure out what works best for them. We’ll either give our kid my SO’s name or hyphenate, whatever seems more practical at the time. We both have pretty short, common last names so hyphenating isn’t too awkward, but I also don’t really care if I share a name with my offspring.

32. it depends on the couple

33. The way we decided was based on functionality. My last name doesn’t work well in my husband’s country and my husband’s last name doesn’t work well in my country. We chose the name based on what country we live it, to ease our childrens’ lives.

    My husband’s parents chose to go with his mother’s last name as his father’s last name (while fairly common in the area) is also an insult.

    In both cases, the choice was made to make a child’s life easier.

34. In my country if the parents can’t agree on a last name the child gets the mother’s name.