I (28M) am expecting twins in the fall. I make around $150k/yr as an attorney. My wife (30F) will be a stay at home mom and we will be buying a home with my mother who will give us support.
A big part of me feels like it’s not enough and I need to consider joining a firm that pays much more (closer to $300k) with the understanding that I may likely work much more and have less time for the babies as a result.
Am I way off base for feeling this way? I’m really looking for other mens’ perspectives and experiences on how they did it and how they felt about their situation.
23 comments
Think it depends on your geographic area.
Invest the money you make & work less, passive income is magical.
If you can pay the bills and save for retirement, enjoy kids while you can. 60-80 hour weeks are draining and could affect your health.
Username checks out.
$70k and it was enough to let her stay home from day one. You make more than enough. Granted, you may live in a very expensive place, and if I had to buy a home today instead of three years ago, I wouldn’t be able to do it right now on this salary. But locked into my current mortgage, I’m good man. Mortgage is about $1k a month, so add to that the difference for your area in a year and you should have a good idea of what you need.
Talk to your wife. You are both adults making adult decisions. What’s your priority? What are you both willing to give up for your children? How much child time would you have to give up to double your income? What would that mean for them long term? Don’t be asking us. Lay it all out on paper and have an adult conversation with your wife and partner.
My parents raised me and a younger brother making a combined 50k and while they certainly struggled, they never held that over my head. I know people who make 500k and still complain about how expensive kids are. It’s all relative to where you are and your lifestyle. Reality of the world is that it’s fucking expensive to exist and it’s probably only going to get worse. But you will probably be fine at 150k if y’all watch your expenses. Better to spend time with family than to slave away imho – you could always get a better paying job down the line if it feels necessary and once the kids are older. Whatever you do, just make sure you have a conversation with your wife about it 🙂 congratulations on pending fatherhood!
I made shit money but that’s the career. My wife made twice as much so I got to be a stay at home dad. We dipped into the red occasionally but otherwise did okay.
Canadian HVAC tech here. 30yo
Gross 100k, net bout 75.
Its Never enough. I have the necessities, we live comfortably, we just bought a house, have cars etc, we do better than alot of folks.
but thanks to our mentally disabled government, every year my dollars are worth less. I can’t afford to save, I invest what I can. Wich isn’t much. In 4 years I’ve basically Lost 15% of my buying power due to retarded government policies and records breaking gov debt, inflation and taxes upon taxes.
We have a 19 month old daughter. Our only one. And I kinda fear for her future with the way things are going.
Having money and having times with kids is difficult
I would think it would be a personal choice on lifestyle that you want to raise your family in.
City life vs suburbs vs rural.
Travel time to work and schools?
TOTALLY personal
28 years married, 3 kids.
I was making $24K/ wife was making $55K.
Here’s a big tip. You’ll “never” have enough money unless your a Bezos or Gates.
When you’re young you have energy and can spend time with the kids. We started at 23. Had them all in 5 years.
Now, they’re graduating college, we’re headed to Europe for 3 weeks.
If you wait, you’ll continually find one more mountain to climb, one more status to achieve.
Kids level the field. They teach you to budget creatively, and get what you want albeit at a slower pace.
Also, kids don’t really care about money, that’s a parent thing. They want time with you and your wife. Having fun as a family isn’t expensive. It’s the diapers and clothes they outgrow every 2 weeks.
If you want kids, have them. Enjoy them. Retirement will come. Put money away and forget about it.
On a very serious note, once you’ve pulled the trigger buy life insurance (term) but more importantly independent disability insurance. You’re far more likely to get a serious disease or be injured than die.
My wife got cancer, was out of work for a year with 3 in college. Because we owned the policy (not through work) it was 100% tax free. We made 80% of her gross salary (our SDI and CA SDI). Kids never worried about tuition and the bills were paid. Wife’s fine now but the financial security of knowing everything was covered was immeasurable.
Good luck!
About $1500/month. The military isn’t paid well.
At 150k it’s doable, just create a budget and follow it religiously. Of course 300k would be great, but not at the expense of the added marital stress it would bring, and the time away from your kids
I want kids, and I make like 80k a year lol. My girlfriend doesn’t make anything at the moment but was on track to be a nurse before being kicked out and shunned by society for not getting the jab. (After paying for schooling, and having the best marks in class at 98% average they booted her 1 month from finishing)
Our plan was for her to start making money and then get maternity leave which would help a lot.. now we are thinking I’ll just have to put in more hours to make it work.
At 150k a year, I think you’re doing fine. Your mortgage is higher than mine.. but relative to wage you’re doing better.
Reminds me when I was working in Detroit, MI and one of the custodians asked me if I had kids yet. I said something about wanting to make more money, the custodian responded: “You eatin’ every night? Then you got enough money.”
I was blessed to be older when I had my first (37 years old) and have actually gone from principal back to teacher (my wife teaches as well). Fortunately in my state salaries have been rising and I will be making as a teacher what I made as a principal in 2018-2019.
Regardless the point is: No one ever said “I wish I spent more time at work.” Whatever you decide to do know that you need to work to live, do not live to work. You’ll turn your back for a min and your children will be grown. Make sure they know who their Dad is and he’s not a stranger.
First kid in 2003. I made $52k a year and my wife made $31k. Living in NorCal. It was not enough, no where close to it. But, you will never have enough to start a family.
We had twins about 10 years ago. We combined for much less than 150k. It didn’t feel like enough but we made it. Kids are good, we’re good. You’ll be alright. It probably won’t ever feel like enough since you had a life before them, now you’ll have to adjust for them. You’ll all be ok. Your heads in a good place if you’re worried….(don’t worry too much tho)….it means you’ll be on your toes and ready for everything that’s about to get thrown at you. It’s about adjusting and calling audibles to make it work. You’ll be good. Good luck.
I was making $9 an hour when I had my daughter
It’s absolutely normal to feel this way and you’ll realize you’ll make shit happen. People are worse off, with more kids and find a way.
You should look at the overall picture. Are you able to afford the necessities of life at your current income? Do you want the higher income because you won’t be able to afford as many/as nice of vacations/luxuries as you did before kids? If your better income option comes with working more hours, is that income increase worth the added stress on your wife of not having you available as often and losing that potential time with your kids?
I am a stay at home mom. Husband is a CNC Machinist, projected to make about 80k gross this year IF he continues to work 70 hour work weeks for at least half the year. If he works just 40 hours, he would make less than 40k gross for the year. We have debts, but everything is paid and we do spend on some minor luxuries. Sure, we would love to have more money available to us for things like a real vacation, doing some updates to our home, saving better for college, or being debt free but we make do with what we have.
Excellent advice from another person about life and disability insurance. Also examine how your health insurance/benefits work in the event you need to take an extended leave for medical reasons. My former employer offered short and long term disability which I used during pregnancy- I paid my part of the premiums for benefits while under short term disability and the company paid the full premiums while under long term disability. We recently learned that even though my husband’s employer offers short and long term disability, he would lose all benefits after the 12 weeks of FMLA were exhausted unless we paid under COBRA (which would cost more than the 67% per week he was getting paid under disability.)
When we had our first kid my wife was making 70k and I was also making 80k. We had a busy life and though I had a lot of quality time with my daughter, i wanted more of it. We had a couple more kids and my wife got a big promotion. I wanted to quit my job, have less “stuff”, budget smart and see the kids as much as I could and be a stay at home dad. We have 7 kids now, and are living comfortably on 200-250k. To answer your question I estimate we could live comfortably on 100-120k though if we had too.
Money was very tight when my daughter was little. There was no spare money for anything much.
My daughter only recently found this out (she’s in her 20’s now) and was completely shocked. She remembers a happy, fun childhood full of family days out to simple places like the beach, museum, botanic gardens or the zoo.
As long as you can pay the bills and put food on the table comfortably you’re golden. Children remember experiences and time with their family. A cheap day at the beach is just as memorable as an expensive trip to Disneyland to them.
Youll want more time at home, not less.
What you make isn’t as important as your debts and how you plan for the future, Do you have an FA to help? More money s always good, but you need a pro to manage it to maximize the amount no matter what that might be,