Me and my boyfriend both 19m live together in a flat. We are both university students and have been dating for about a year and a half.
We have never really had a lot of sex or sexual contact, at the start of the relationship I thought he wanted to take it slow which I was fine with. But as the relationship has gone on we hardly ever touch each other.
We have had sexual contact under 25 times in our history.
I want more than this, and have told my boyfriend lots of times to which he says yes we will. But whenever I ask him if he wants to or if he’s horny it’s always a no – no matter the time of day or what has happened in the day.
We have had many lengthy conversations in which I have told him how unhappy it is making me that we hardly ever touch eachother. He tells me that sex is a big thing for him and he feels bad about it afterwards for days, while we are doing it he enjoys it but before and after is always bad. He has a specific kink – almost the only things that turns him on – and the few times we’ve had sex we always play into it.
He has had previous relationships with 2 other men and they had sex.
He tells me that he is attracted to me and it’s nothing about me or my body that makes him not want to have sex. Ok fine, I still want to have sex though and him telling me that doesn’t change that.
Honestly I’m sick of it, it’s making me miserable and I can’t see why it’s such a big thing for him if he’s managed to do it with other people and it’s just me he doesn’t want to have sex with.
I have always been understanding with him and always tried to look at it from his pov but it’s got the point where I don’t even want to ask him because I know he’ll reject me yet again.
We have lived together for about a month and touched each other twice despite being ample opportunities. He assured me once we moved into the flat things would be different and we would do it more.
Honestly this is so draining for me, I feel bad every time I bring it up with him because he’s told me he doesn’t want to, I don’t know why he can’t understand where I’m coming from and at least compromise.
Extra info: he normally bottoms and I top. It’s not just sex that I want- I want any sexual contact. I have offered to bottom plenty of times and the one time he said yes, he lost his boner before he could get it in and said he didn’t want to do it any more.
4 comments
You sound incompatible. Break up with him and find someone who better suits your needs.
No you’re not a bad guy. Neither is he. You’re just not compatible. If you were like 50 with a whole life together and this was a new thing I’d say try to work it out but at 19? You’re too young to get stuck in an incompatible sexual relationship. Just break up and you can both go find what you really want / need.
Sounds practically platonic. No it’s not unreasonable for you to want more.
You’re not “the bad guy” but you are probably with the wrong guy if what you want is a relationship that includes sexual activity. This person just isn’t at peace with himself and his desires. You likely to need to find someone further along in the process of self acceptance. Good luck.