My fiancé and I make decent money, but we are struggling with some credit card debt as well as trying to save for a house and a wedding. He works in IT and makes about 90k and I work at a college but also do freelance work and make about 70k. We live in a very high cost of living area so 160k doesn’t go nearly as far as it used to.
For about a year, he has been really unhappy at his job. His main boss left, and the school isn’t not replacing him which is leading to just a mess of disorganization. Everyone has way too much work on their plates and he’s getting really burnt out. With the “I’m not happy at work” convo comes the consideration of joining county hazmat. He is a volunteer fire fighter so he has alot of skills that would cross over. The starting pay is $39k a year. A lot of them get over time, so maybe $55k starting.
He asked me a while ago if I would still love him if he were broke and I said of course, what ever the wind brings we will weather it together, but purposefully leaving a decent paying job for something with that low of a salary when you have a bachelors and masters degree seems like a really big financial mistake. I’ve given him lots of ideas of jobs he could look for that would be more lateral, because I don’t want him to be unhappy at work, but he’s stuck on this hazmat thing because a few of the fire house guys work there and are always pushing him to apply when there is an opening.
On top of this, he stressed about money…a lot. We made a plan in the beginning of the summer to work on paying down our credit card debt of about $25k and I hustled hard and paid off about $4k of my $10k. He decided to take a loan out of his pension, so he’s going to now get a few hundred dollars taken out of each pay check. He brought up wanting to leave his job again last night and I was having a really bad day (I’ve got some legal stuff going on and I got bad news from my lawyer) and I finally snapped and got upset about it. I said I did not support that decision, and tried to get him to see that things at work may get better or to maybe look for the same job at another district.
Now he’s upset because he said it was just a thought experiment and now he feels like he can’t come to me to talk through things. I told him that he is putting way to much of the emotional load on me and constantly talking about cutting your income in half and then having a melt down later in the week about the lack of money we have right now……is wearing me out.
I feel crappy because I can tell he’s not happy. I’ve been at a crap job and it really drains you. But I’ve also been broke and that comes with it’s own set of stressors. I spent the morning looking at other school districts in our area to see if there was something open for either of us. He has also been at this job for almost 10 years and I feel like he doesn’t realize he actually has a really sweet gig (lots of paid time off, 10 min commute, ect). It’s also frustrating that he wants to give up a well paying job when I’m working 12-14 hour days.
What do I do? How can I be supportive here?
7 comments
Being at a job you’re miserable at sounds horrible. However being able to make bills & save is incredibly important. Why not try to live off the ‘expected’ income he’d get by switching jobs. Move whatever extra just into savings so it isn’t spent accidentally. See how stressful, or manageable that would be perhaps?
While there is nothing wrong with taking a job at 1/2 what you are used to if it will make you a happier person, its also ridiculous to do so while in deep debt. Id suggest working on the thought experiment with him. Sit down and analyze the effect this will have, both financially and emotionally on each of you. Once that is done he may have a different view. Or you may both come out of it with a completely new plan forward for both of you.
With $25k in debt with your current salaries, I agree with you that switching to a job that makes half as much or less sounds like a bad idea. He should look for jobs he would be happier with that use his degree and pay more. However, at the end of the day it’s up to him, and you should support him.
I agree that your best bet would be living off what his new earnings would be and putting all the money saved toward paying off debt. If you find it impossible to do so and he’s unwilling to relinquish his plan then you’ll have to consider whether the two of you are fiscally compatible or not.
Being not happy at a job is awful and draining. I would never make my partner stay in a job he doesn’t want. There’s other ways to cut money. No one deserve to live miserable.
He should do it. He will resent you if he dont if you trust him it shouldnt be a problem. All he have to do is save money from current job then switch jobs..
Lots of good advice but wanted to add that he needs to check out the terms of that loan. Where I work you have to pay it back in full if you quit.