Hi guys. I’ve currently started dating a guy who seems perfect on paper but is extremely clingy… almost to the point of controlling/obsessive? He’s really sweet but extremely intense. On our first date, he wanted to come back to my place and also said he wants me to meet his parents and wants to meet mine. Then on our second date he asked if we could be exclusive. The thing is, it’s like his whole world revolves around me. He’s constantly asking to come over, day to day. And if I’m busy, he’ll ask where I am, who I’m with, how I know them.
He’s bought me flowers and puts a lot of time and effort in, he’s said he really likes me and wants us to be in a relationship. He’s told me that whenever I want him over, he’ll be there. And that I can call him anytime, anyway. He also constantly texts me throughout the day and replies INSTANTLY, even if it’s been a few hours since I read the message.
I’ve talked to him about this and told him I’m introverted and also need a lot of space which he says he will try and give me. But I still feel extremely overwhelmed. I think he might either be quite insecure or codependent? He’s also asked me how many people I’ve slept with. We’ve only been on about 4-5 dates but it feels like relationship is moving SO fast.
I feel overwhelmed, exhausted, drained. I know that he has all the best intentions for me but it just seems that his whole world revolves around me. He doesn’t even seem to have opinions. He always says “we’ll do whatever you want to do” or “whatever you want, I want”. He’s also already posting me all over his social media accounts.
Please help. Thank you. He seems great on paper and I think he’d really care if I got into a relationship with him but I simultaneously feel overwhelmed.
8 comments
Does he have any friends/social life/hobbies that you’re at all aware of?
Sounds like in the past he possibly has had issues with been dropped real fast by partners and/or quickly replaced and/or mistreated by people in general. excluding the social media and wanting to be exclusive very quickly and the random gifts i kinda did similar things with a girl i met last year but the thing is we mean well when doing this but we don’t quite realize how intense/draining it can be for the other person until we’ve pushed them away with the intensity.
Not saying the behavior can’t be changed because with quite some work it can be managed ok-ish though it probably won’t completely disappear. it’s a complicated thing but it kinda sounds like what he’s doing.
If you talked about this and his behavior didn’t change, that’s your cue to get out. He is putting you on a pedestal and is obsessed with you, which is incredibly unhealthy.
Trust me when I say it doesn’t get better, I’ve dated a few guys like this. One wanted to turn a gift from his deceased grandfather into a gift for me after we had been seeing each other for four weeks… these kinds of people may have sweet intentions but they have severe issues, don’t waste your time.
“I feel overwhelmed, exhausted, drained” If this is what the beginning of your relationship feels like, it is only going to go downhill from here. He is forcing a relationship and overstepping normal boundaries. This man’s whole world revolves around his ability to control and cling to you. Trust your instincts and get some space. You don’t owe him anything.
OMG I went out with a guy with the exact same type
constantly telling me that he’s available for me ANYTIME despite having full time & side jobs
wanting to see me almost everyday
texting me nonstop throughout the day etc
i felt so overwhelmed by his clinginess that i stopped going out with him after a few dates
I dont think this kind of relationship is healthy at all, are you sure you wanna continue going out with this guy?
> I feel overwhelmed, exhausted, drained
You shouldn’t this feel this way early on.
You maybe will feel this way much longer in a relationship as y’all experience actually difficult situations, but early on you just need to cut and run.
‘Perfect on paper’ sounds like he’s a big disappointment in reality. Unfortunately you’re dating the real life version. A new relationship is supposed to be fun and give you energy, not make you exhausted. How are you supposed to share a life, house and future with him if he drains your energy so much?
Yes it could turn toxic and controlling, if not abusive. It’s up to you to keep seing but likely it will get worse.
He wants to meet the parents to secure the relationship and make it less easy to break up.