I(33f) met this guy(32m) a few days ago through a double date with friends. We are both looking for a serious relationship, he is a perfect match on paper and really nice. But he was shy didn’t talk much, and I didn’t feel any attraction. Still I wanted to see him again alone this time. Today was our second date which was much better. He seemed interested and talked to me a bit more. But still I don’t feel attracted to him even a bit.
So dear people of reddit, can attraction happen overtime?

15 comments

  1. Hi! I’m 33f dating a 32m also. It’s been about two months for us and he is amazing but maybe not what I’d choose for appearance but he’s cute. I will say he has gotten much more attractive to me as time goes on and the sex has gotten better each time too. I’m glad I didn’t run because in hindsight I was definitely looking for a reason to run and protect myself. But I definitely can understand needing to feel that attraction

  3. I rarely if ever feel immediate attraction outside of “oh that person is pretty”. For me it takes a little bit to develop.

  5. If you’re not feeling attracted, do not waste this guy’s time and heart hoping attraction comes. He will think you are into him and then you will crush him.

  6. I think yes. As you see someone’s personality and true self, maybe you’d begin to be attracted to them. If you were repulsed by their appearance though, then no I don’t think so. There would need to be something to work with so to speak lol. But maybe I’m way off

  8. In my experience the better I get to know someone the more attractive I find them. This doesn’t necessarily mean *sexually attractive*, but more like I’m drawn to their appearance than I originally was. I notice a beauty in them that initially I hadn’t seen.

  10. I had a guy perfect on paper. Tried to convince myself that he could be it, if only I can get realistic about my compatibility needs.
    When I say perfect , I mean it.

    However no attraction. It was straight to log term feeling. No long conversation getting to know each other. No heavy make out session sex was meh.

    I took way too long to figure out that I need attraction and compatibility. One or the other isn’t good enough for me.

    I’d say, give it a month or so, but don’t wait to long if you keep trying to convince yourself.

  11. True attraction literally only happens over time to me. I’m “demi” and it takes me sometimes many months before I know if I’m really into someone even if I spend a lot of time with them or have some kind of immediate attraction or vibe. Online dating is a non-starter for me because of this.

  12. Not for me. It’s either there from the beginning, or not at all. Everyone’s different, though.

  13. Probably my biggest life mistake started exactly as your story. I met a guy who was perfect on paper and all my friends and family were telling me how amazing he is – and he was, I just didn’t feel attraction at all. I gave it a chance and I was really hoping and pushing myself to fall for him, but it never happened. It however happened on his side, he told me he loves me and sees me as his future wife, he was planning our future together, while I was still convincing myself it can grow. One night I caught myself lying to him that I am on my period and that’s why I don’t want to have sex and there I realized I really have to break this off. I did and he was very broken hearted. I regret to this day I wasn’t honest to myself and to him at the beginning.

    So from my experience – you can give it few dates but if attraction still isn’t there end it as soon as possible so this guy doesn’t end up broken-hearted.

  14. You can definitely build attraction over time. True attraction is deep and beyond physical. Chemistry only goes so far, most people get stuck at chemistry and never build true attraction.

  15. I would hate to be with someone who had to “stick it out” (to quote another comment here) to become attracted to me. But maybe he won’t mind.

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