My roommates (22M, 21M, 21F, 20F) and I (21NB) want to move out together without our other roommate, K (20F) after our lease ends at the end of the summer. We met when we all moved in together in September 2021 and we all hit it off and started talking about either renewing the lease together or moving into a different house around the end of last year. K was originally included in these discussions but she has just gotten worse since then. She is untidy and doesn’t clean up after herself even when we ask, she airs personal business, runs her blender two or three times per day, always at night, works out very loudly in the mornings, etc. We’ve had conversations about these things, but she makes no effort to change. My roommates and I have decided that we can’t live with her and it’s gotten to the point where I do not want to be home when she is.
The housing market where we live is not great at the moment, so we are starting to look at housing and need to give K a heads up that we don’t want to live with her so she can start looking for a place to live. It also doesn’t help that finding a 6 bedroom house is basically infeasible and we were incredibly lucky to have the housing situation we have now.
The problem is that if we let her know now, she won’t handle it well and we will have to spend the whole summer with her. We’re not sure how to go about letting her know that we are all essentially kicking her out of our housing situation while also trying to keep the rest of the time we’re going to spend living together as tolerable as possible. Is there a way to remain civil in this? How do we go about having this conversation?
TL;DR: My four roommates and I are moving out without our sixth roommate, but are stuck together until our lease ends at the end of the summer. We need to have a conversation about it so she can find a place to live.
7 comments
It’s like ripping off a bandaid, just have to tell them. They need time to have a new plan, so the longer you wait the worse it will be.
Her feelings are going to be incredibly hurt no matter how, when, or what you say. There’s no way to have the 5 of you comfy cozy in your feelings and living arrangements when you are going to be issuing a devastating rejection to your housemate. You need to recognize that things will be tense and uncomfortable for you. There’s no way to have your cake and eat it to here, sorry. The important thing is to remain kind and empathetic. Her emotional situation is going to be so much worse than any discomfort the 5 of you feel. Try to remember that.
Just tell her you’re not renewing the lease. She might infer that you’re all trying to still live together after this, but you don’t have to tell her your plans, it’s none of her business. And she can choose to find new roommates to keep the lease, or she can move out too.
If you were trying to kick her out of the house while you stayed that would be awkward. But since you’re planning to all move out then that makes this really simple and not even that awkward in comparison.
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i honestly just wouldnt tell her one bit of your future plans together, only that the lease wont be renewed. each of you can just say that you will be moving out and that plans beyond that arent set.
Personally I’d just sit her down 1 on 1 and tell her the truth. If she’s not able to see how her actions have caused you to feel this way, it’s better to inform her for the future than leave her in the dark.
Say what you wrote here, that you’re unhappy with her noise levels and that she’s not conscientious of her room mates or the living space. Tell her you’ve all made your mind up and that you think it’s best for her to either leave or find somewhere else to live.
Yeah it’s harsh but the truth is so much better than leaving her in the dark.
Don’t give details. You guys aren’t renewing the lease. She doesn’t need to know you guys are sticking together. Don’t discuss plans around her and just say you have other plans if she asks individually to be roommates.