I have no clue. I think I have mid-20s energy.
So I’m asking for help.
I have all the basics covered.
I am financially secure. I am emotionally secure (did therapy to prove that). I am educated. I have a family. I have close friends. I get out of the house to do things. I exercise. I cook.
What do you want to see in my profile that will make you eager for a first date?
I feel like if I get too specific (“So *The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent* was essentially a love song to the standalone Breaking Bad movie *El Camino*. The connections are subtle but if you have forty minutes to spare I will happily…”) then I lose people.
If I get too general (“never wash spoons in the sink – the risk ain’t worth the reward”) then I lose people.
Where is the sweet spot?
9 comments
As a guy, be authentically you. You want to attract women who will like that more than anything else
No offense, but going to therapy doesn’t prove anything about your emotional security. It’s great that you went, but I might not frame it this way.
Be yourself.
Am a 35M so not the demographic you’re asking, nor do I use Hinge.
As someone else mentioned going to therapy proves only that you went to therapy, and nothing additional to that. If I read something similar to the above on a profile you would instantly be on the back foot.
Similar to the you I’ve got an amazing job, great work life balance, awesome friends, but unlike you I don’t see these as selling points at all — mostly because in my circles almost everyone I know is earning more (i.e. doctors, lawyers, management consultants) and has pretty awesome friends as well.
Chances are the women you’re dating are being flooded with men who are similar if not better. Maybe it’s a benefit that I’ve never tried to differentiate myself on the ‘basics’ because I found out later that my girlfriend (an attractive dentist) was being pursued by a multi-millionaire property developer, a couple of doctors, and a couple of dentists. All of whom probably tick off the gamut of basics, largely to a better extent than I do.
Just food for thought. You’re not always competing with gen pop – you’re often competing to very similar people to yourself, especially if she’s swiping on a specific type.
Oh boy. Uhm therapy isn’t a one and done. The way you have phrased it makes it sound like “oh I had a problem and I fixed it. Check! I’m done with therapy, never again!”
I’d phrase it in a “went through a rough patch and appreciated how therapy played a positive role during the process” when you are on your date since it’s a bit wordy to be on a profile.
If a guy said that to me, I’d be floored. It’ll give me
The idea that you have a high Emotional IQ, willing to communicate/reach out for help and willing to do so if we have clashes amongst ourselves in the future.
You’re way overthinking. You’re more focused on checking boxes than being your authentic self and that screams insecurity. That’s a swipe left every time.
what really matters is what you like, not what you are like… Books, records, films – these things matter. Call me shallow but it’s the fuckin’ truth.
When I’m looking at profiles, I’m not comparing guys. I’m looking at each individual profile for things that tell me that this guy has similar values as my own, a compatible lifestyle, and that we’d have at least a few common interests, and that I have qualities that he’s looking for in a partner as well.
What are you looking for in a partner? What do you have to offer someone with the qualities that you’re looking for in a partner? There’s no magic formula to attract the most women because every woman is different. Better to present yourself honestly and attract quality matches.
It varies! I get excited for different profiles than my single friends who are around the same age.
You sound like you have the basics. But those don’t really sell compatibility. I have friends with a dark sense of humor, and seeing that excites them. Others that are adrenaline junkies, and seeing someone with outdoor hobbies excites them. Others that are into literature, and those references excite them.
In general:
– Show, don’t tell. (Instead of saying, “I’m adventurous,” say “Took an epic road trip on the Pamir Highway.” Instead of saying “I’m well read,” say “I’m reading X right now. What are you reading?”)
– Lists of likes/dislikes do surprisingly well for at least one prompt. It gives a lot of things someone might relate to. But it only works if you’re honest bc people will ask about the things you list.
– Be positive. If someone seems bitter about OLD, makes snide remarks about either other men’s profiles or women, says things they aren’t looking for, it’s an automatic no for most people.
Be yourself and consider a profile review here.
I’d be careful with the therapy stuff, it’ll definitely be hit or miss with women. Some will see it as a positive and that you’re trying to better yourself, but in my personal experience the stigma with me going to therapy is still so very much there. Some see men who need therapy as a weakness and that there’s something wrong with you. I’m not saying everyone will think that, but it’s harder for men to be open about that stuff.
In my personal opinion I’d keep anything about therapy out of your profile unless they explicitly ask about it or something.