So me and my gf Claire have been dating for almost a year now. It’s been going great imo. The only issue has been that our parents don’t approve so we don’t get to hang out a lot. As a result, I’ve been hanging out more with my bff Haley. Me and Haley’s parents have memberships to our local country club so we often hang out together there.
Sadly Claire and Haley don’t get along. They just have completely different personalities I guess. When me and Claire started dating it seemed like they started fighting a lot more. A few months back me and Haley were hanging out at the country club and she kissed. She basically said that she liked me and that Claire was no good for me. In the heat of the moment I kissed her back but I quickly regretted it since I still loved Claire. Fortunately I think Haley realized the spot I was put in and backed off a few days later.
Somehow eventually Claire found out what happened and wasn’t happy at all but we worked it out. Over the summer I don’t think Claire and Haley talked once. This year I decided to do track and cheerleading. Claire has been doing track for years and was excited to hear I was gonna try to join the team. Me and Haley decided to try out together for cheerleading and we both got in. Claire told me today that she’s not ok with me doing cheer with Haley and asked me to drop the sport. Claire knows I’ve been hanging out with Haley the whole summer so I’m not sure why now she has a problem with it now.
Obviously I want to do what makes Claire happy but at the same time I really want to do cheerleading. I can’t make Claire and Haley get along and I don’t think I should have to choose between them.
TLDR, my gf wants me to quit cheerleading because I’d be doing it with my bff. Me and bff kissed once so gf and bff don’t get along. I could use some advice.
12 comments
Don’t drop cheer. You realistically won’t get an opportunity like this again once you are out of HS.
I would say go ahead with cheer. But you need to sternly establish your boundaries with Haley in respect of Claire.
your gf has a point, you have a point, Haley has a point. eh. bf
I think you need to keep in mind that Haley isn’t just a friend your gf doesn’t like. This is someone who wants to date you and has actively sabotaged your relationship. You already cheated once. You need to set really clear boundaries and prioritize one of these relationships. It’s not fair to your gf to spend all your time with someone who thinks you should be dating her instead. Eventually your gf is going to have had enough and will dump you.
Simply put yourself in Claire’s shoes?
So imagine Claire had a close friendship (similar to that of yourself and Haley) and this friend decided to kiss Claire? Kiss her knowing she was in a committed relationship with yourself? Then, only backed off, when they didn’t feel the emotion was reciprocated. To me, an outsider looking in, it seems like Haley has deeper feelings for you than that of just a friendship. I certainly don’t think about kissing my friends intimately. I can see why this might make Claire feel somewhat uncomfortable. Now, I don’t think you should quit cheer and an opportunity like that nor do I think she should demand that you do. But, I understand how she feels. She clearly feels insecure about your relationship and threatened (rightly so) by your friendship with Haley. Essentially you cheated on this girl with your friend and Claire now has to be reminded of that every time she sees/hears about your friend Haley. You need to have a discussion with Haley and set boundaries. You have to also accept the fact that Claire might not be accepting of you continuing your friendship with Haley, again, understandably so. She can change her mind, that’s her right. She might tell you she can forgive and forget but in reality, perhaps for her, it wasn’t as easy in the end as she anticipated it might be. You need to have that discussion again with her. Ask her what she is willing to accept in terms of your friendship with Haley and then take it from there.
You might not think you have to choose between them, but it’s unrealistic to think you can both stay with your girlfriend AND be so close with the person you cheated on her with and who has made it clear they want more than friendship with you. Hayley crossed a line, and from what you’ve said, Claire found out about it from a third party so you didn’t even do the decent thing and come clean to her yourself, of course she will be insecure about how much time you spend with Hayley now.
Do yourself and both of them a favour, take a little time and really think about which relationship you want to pursue here, because continuing as you are will see Claire constantly paranoid about what could be happening between you and Hayley, and Hayley will be continuously on the hook without the chance to get over you, and that’s not fair to anybody.
You cheated on your gf, and you still have a relationship with this person? This will not work out unless someone is taken out of the equation. I’m guessing you’ll break up bc she won’t want to deal with this any more, but realistically this will not end in a good note.
lol you cheated that’s that
You cheated on her you want her to be okay with that?
You both need to break up, it isn’t going to work out and I’m telling you straight up. Even if you decide to keep this going it is going to inevitably fall apart. You cheated already and have no idea what boundaries are. It’s a race of time to see who cheats on who next out of spite
You cannot be this dense. Why is Haley intent on continually hanging with you when this could have been a shared interest for you and your GF. Pick a side and stop being that guy who has a girlfriend and a backup. Either prioritise your girlfriend and realise Haley needs to back off or go with Haley but the game you are playing only has one winner…Haley. She already disrespected your boundaries by coming on to you when you have a girlfriend. Your girlfriend forgave you so put her first…or don’t …but enjoy whatever cake you want to eat but realise now it wont be both cakes. That is your real problem. You want the gf and the best friend which would work except the best friend also wants to be your girlfriend so DUH…you can only have one.
I feel bad for the gf she needs to leave. You cheated on her and then continued to hang out with the person you cheated with.