TLDR: the guy I matched online stood me up three times, all proposed by him. I ignored his texts afterwards but don’t want to ghost anyone. Is this text message okay to send to him telling him such behavior is not cool?
I (32F) matched with a guy (29F) online and had been chatting frequently for a week or two. He asked for my number and then also asked to follow my dog’s Instagram account. Then he proposed to have dinner on Saturday last week but then called me in the evening twice (missed the first one coz I was on FaceTime with my friend) saying he’s sorry and proposed to meet on Sunday. I said okay let’s do that and we continued talking for another like 30 minutes on the phone. He said he’d really want to meet me in person too. And then Sunday afternoon, he told me he couldn’t do it because he went overtime with his friend and only got home around 5pm. I said okay then let’s find another time. Wednesday he texted me in the morning if I wanted to have lunch with him at a place he recommended to me a few days ago in my neighborhood, I told him i can’t do last minute plan because I already had lunch date with my friend. So I proposed Thursday and he said sure. Then no text at all on Thursday. I decided to go there by myself anyway coz they have good lunch food there. And then Friday night he tried to text me. I ignored his message. And then Saturday again with “heyyy” and I ignored again. I’m a person who would give people second chance but not three times in a row. I don’t want to ghost him either.
So my question is if this message is to harsh to send to him and tell him I’m not okay with such behavior without sounding too harsh:
Hey. It’s been nice to match with you but I think maybe we have different values when it comes to keeping our words especially with plans. Sometimes we would get caught up in things but it’s not hard to send a text and let others know. Feel free to text me again when you are certain about your plans 🙂 Have a great Sunday 🙂
19 comments
I think the message is fine, but personally i’d omit the “*Feel free to text me again when you are certain about your plans 🙂 Have a great Sunday :)*”No need to give the person an excuse to text you again when he “is certain about his plans”, also u can drop the sarcastic smiles haha.
so he cancelled your first date 3 times?? your very first date where you were supposed to meet in person?????????????? that sets a horrible precedent.
I would just block him. No text message at all. I think this is one of the times where you can actually block a person and not feel bad about it. He had it coming after accepting your invitation on thursday and then not even sending you a message to confirm. Sure you can be busy and things can come up at the last minute, but that guy showed you he doesnt RESPECT you.
Ouch. Possible reality check needed.
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He ghosted you three times. Don’t give this guy a fourth ghost. You owe him absolutely nothing, but if you send a message for your conscious please do it and be done with him.
Sounds like he has you setup as a backup for his other dates/plans.
Girl that’s too much unnecessary detail, be direct. “You’ve cancelled on me several times before we’ve even met once, and that’s a pretty bad first impression, so I’m not interested in pursuing anything anymore. Please don’t text me any more” or something like that. He was rude so he should be called out directly for the rude behavior – you don’t need to be mean about it, but don’t talk around it passive-aggressively. Be honest.
You don’t owe this man any message. Just block his number and delete it. No need for any explanations. He has messed you around 3 times now.
It’s not like you actually showed up at the location and waited for him. And it sounds like the third time you had plans of your own so even canceled that. Women will play games and cancel plans just try and make a guy think about them more. So he was a little busy? Big deal. If you like him do what you want it doesn’t always have to be a game of win or lose though.
If you don’t want to see him again just text this:
“It’s been nice talking to you the last few days but I don’t think we are a good match. Good luck with dating!”
Then block his number.
I think the text is fine but I don’t think you should offer a second chance given his lack of effort.
As a people pleaser I can say this. Just leave him on read. Like the dude obviously is just looking for someone to talk to and isn’t interested… no need to try to be nice when ignoring him would be a perfectly acceptable response
Lol you’re being way too nice. Just end it. Don’t give him an opportunity to come back.
How you do anything is how you do everything.
I don’t know what he looks like, but if he’s really hot, it might be where this is coming from.
Would you give him the same chances if he was a 6 vs an 8 or 9?
Not worth your time if you’re looking to date seriously.
If you want some vitamin D, that’s fine. Set your expectations.
Just block him. He doesn’t care what you think or how you feel; if he did, you’d be a priority & you are not.
Keep it simpler and skip leaving the door open for future plans:
“Hey, I don’t appreciate that you stood me up three times. I’m no longer interested in meeting you.”
Don’t give him anymore chances! Ignore is phone calls or texts
I actually think he might be catfishing you and might be ashamed to actually meet you in person because his profile pic is fake.
Personally, I would not even send me a message and simple block him and move on to other guys.
Text is WAY TOO nice.
Something similar happened to me except I have a habit of needing a confirmation before taking people seriously. I just unmatched the guy and never brought it up after he did that three times. I rolled my eyes when he texted me “to cancel” a few hours before his proposed time for a date, as if he was actually on my schedule and I was already out having fun. Ask for confirmation, if they don’t, make other plans. Life is too short for wishy washy folk. I hope you find a better match soon!
Why leave the door open? Why the compliment?
“Hi there. I was interested at first, but I don’t want to date someone who doesn’t respect me or my time. All the best!”
Take a moment to think about what he will say to his friends as he shows them your text:
Look at this girl. She is so desperate that I no-showed her three times and she still says “Feel free to text me again when you are certain about your plans :)”