Slapping bags of soil, clicking tongs twice – what are some other unwritten rules for men that “you just gotta”?

33 comments

1. When tying something down to a vehicle, you MUST say “yup, that ain’t goin nowhere”

2. When petting a dog, you must absolutely ruffle the ears and gorilla palm pat it a few times. When operating a drill or other power tool, blip the trigger a couple times just to be sure it works.

3. Don’t speak and look straight when using the urinals.

4. Gotta test a drill whenever you pick one up.

5. I spin the tongs around my finger, as well as the clicking. A garbage can is a basket for a wadded up napkin.

6. Throwing rocks in bodies of water

7. If I encounter a bin of grass seed, I gotta go elbows deep, both arms.

8. Twisting the bread bag closed

9. Gotta smash those bags of ice on the ground before filling the cooler. Not too hard it will cause a break

10. A light spanking on the wife every time she bends over🤷‍♂️

11. Exclaim something loudly after sneezing.
    Ie
    “SHET!”
    “JESUS!”
    “WHEW!”

12. Audibly grunt when bending over or picking things up at age 40 plus.

13. If someone is telling a story and they say “do you know….” You must say “that name sounds familiar”

    That name does not and will not ever sound familiar

14. You must gather around the barbecue with all the other males.
    You must get excited when another man you know buys a new gas / Electric tool
    All grocery bags must be taken in ONE trip
    Hardware store trips must take a minimum of 45 minutes, if you have completed your shopping before the minimum requirement and your kids are in the car simply wait in the store, If they are with you in the store find an attendant and have a ridiculously detailed conversation about a product you will end up not buying.

15. Tapping the roof of the car to say goodbye

16. Tapping the top of my beer can 3 times before I open it.

17. Wander aimlessly around a store instead of asking where something is

18. You gotta pull the biggest icicle of an eaves or building edge very carefully, just to keep it intact long enough to throw it to the ground and smash it to a hundred pieces.

19. After building something, washing the car of mowing the lawn you must stare at it for a while and appreciate a job well don

20. Has nobody said pointing a stud finder at yourself yet?

21. Hitting C and CE on a calculator 3-4 times each, because reasons.

22. Pre-departure, 360° pocket slap.

23. Gotta kick a tyre to check it’s in a healthy state

24. Make a comment about how you “can’t use this without it going off” when you pick up a stud finder.

25. When you drive past a old job site it’s mandatory to let everybody in the vehicle know you built that

26. Walk by another man and make eye contact. Gotta nod to him.

    Its the law.

27. If a hole is being dug, go check it out

28. Asking for specs whenever another man presents a new purchase. New car? Horsepower. New phone? Batterylife. New bicycle? Gears.

    No matter how trivial, as long as it’s measurable and could be justifiably met with a simple “nice”.

29. Scrolled long enough but didn’t find it.

    Checking out a hole. Any hole. Example, you’re walking down the street and there’s some construction work going on and they’ve been digging. You gotta have a peak down there. “Yup…pretty good hole”.

30. When you wanted to leave ten minutes ago and a lull in the conversation provides an exit, you must slap both thighs at the same time, rise to your feet and say “right”

    When looking for scissors, make a cutting motion with finger guns.

    When sitting down for a meal with somebody, once you are both settled and in place, the first word out of your mouth – by law – must be ;
    “…so”

31. I didn’t see this one, if there is anything on the side of the toilet bowl, you must try to pee it down the drain.

32. It’s not heavy it’s just awkward.

33. I’m a woman but this post is giving me life. Yall are adorable! Thanks for the laugh