Boyfriend (31M) doesn’t seem as enthusiastic about pleasuring me (28F).
We have been seeing each other for over 3 months and have been official for a short while. Before we slept together I told him how important foreplay is to me and oral sex/fingering and that I am multi orgasmic and like for us to take the time with those things. He has promised a lot and multiple rounds, but so far that has not happened. I go down on him every time, and he promises to take his time with me but when my time comes he is literally looking at the clock, saying how he wants to skip to piv and then I feel like guilt tripping me sometimes saying yeah but you don’t want to skip to piv.
He seems very hesitant to go down on me and I have to ask or it becomes a real point of hesitation. I already brought this up and he said that there aren’t any scent or taste issues.
I also asked him to go down on me after he finished but he doesn’t take initiative either. It seems really the case now of I have to be really assertive during the moment and that sucks the fun out of it for me, because it really seems like he isn’t interested or is just going with the motions as long as he gets his. I am really starting to become resentful. He promised again that now then he will just spend the one hour (which isn’t a full hour because he also has to do his nighttime routine and his dog has to go to sleep), mostly on me. He has made promises before of next time it will be my turn. And when my turn comes I am also not satisfied because I feel rushed and like if I want more he doesn’t have patience.
Another thing, he has a puppy. A german Shepard. And I think his dog is adorable and sweet. However, he told me that we can only have sex after the dog’s bedtime. This really takes out the spontaneity out of it for me and makes it all really routine. Which also means we have way less time for sex because his dog goes to bed at 10 PM and that’s when my boyfriend showers and he wants to be asleep by 11 PM. I also feel rushed because of this and if it is after 11 he often comments on it.
I have no idea how to handle this, but I think he should train his dog for when we have sex. In that regard he said he doesn’t want to leave him in his crate (which I didn’t ask) because he thinks it is sad. But shouldn’t it be possible to teach him to sit? He said the dog will destroy everything while we are busy and he doesn’t want that. But he also doesn’t want to leave him in his crate so that isn’t an option. I want to suggest teaching his puppy to sit and wait or play while we are busy, I have seen this suggestion from dog owners, but I have no clue. His dog is a puppy, but he is huge and he does break a lot if things/chews and breaks pillows etc on the couch. Even when we are there. My apologies if this wasn’t as coherent, typing it all out quickly on my phone.
Do you have any advice for me? Thank you for reading all of this.
Edit: another reason I want to suggest him training his dog to sit away from us during sex is because I have given him a blowjob twice on the couch and his dog almost went to take a bite of his dick. I don’t want to have sex with the dog jumping on us the whole time. And it is a huge dog even if he’s still a puppy.
TLDR: My boyfriend (31M) keeps making promises to go down on me and take his time with me and with time now keeps suggesting quickies and looking at the time, he seems to really want to go to the finish line and isn’t spending the time on me that I need and want and I end up feeling rushed and resentful. He also has a puppy that imo needs more training. My boyfriend thinks that we can only have sex after his puppy goes to bed after 10 PM. This kills the spontaneity and time for sex for me. Can you advice me on how to take this further? I have already had talks with him.
9 comments
Does your bf think that it is an issue? If not then that itself is a problem.
If he does thinks there is a problem then what suggestions does he have in order to solve this?
Right now the entire burden is on you. If you two are not in this together then that is a bigger issue.
So he is too selfish/lazy/insensitive/unloving to care about your sexual pleasure, and he prioritises his dog’s feelings over yours, and he’s too irresponsible/lazy to train said dog.
And you are dating this man why, exactly?
You can’t change someone who doesn’t care. If his dog nearly biting his penis didn’t make him change, I don’t think anything can.
You move on.
You’ve talked to him and told him what you want and he’s not making any changes. So, what you’re finding is you two aren’t compatible. This is why we date, to find compatibility. You two are not.
You are just incompatible. This is the honeymoon stage where he should at least be pretending to care about your pleasure and trying to impress you. If getting oral out of him is this difficult now, then I guarantee if you stay, he will faze it out completely eventually and expect bj’s and piv exclusively. You will be his human flesh light. He’s an inherently selfish lover. It’s obvious. Just walk away before you get any more invested in this one sided relationship.
What is wrong with guys who don’t eat out their women, honestly I can’t wait to get an opportunity to please a woman, if you please her she’ll repay it 100x, know your worth your better then that if he can’t please you find someone who will work on it with you
I mean, you can’t communicate any more clearly.
He doesn’t prioritize your pleasure. He doesn’t prioritize you. He ensures it’s all on his (and….his dog’s..) terms
Walk
move on, a lot of guys pretend they like giving fore play. only the ones that truly love it do it well and wear the crown lol
this is so fresh, you can move on
Simple rule: no oral for me then no oral for you.
I don’t know what you can do.
Maybe it’s the routine thing for him. Sounds like he’s someone who struggles to adjust and break out of the routine.
And the dog and all that. It’s hard to be in the moment and take your time when you’re stressing about something like that.
But ultimately he’s not prioritizing your needs. Really this shouldn’t even be a conscious thing.
You generally want to pleasure your partner sexually, and he doesn’t feel like it’s important.