Need tips for breaking it off with someone after four dates and getting to “third base.”

38 comments

1. Phone call is good

2. If you’re only 4 dates in, I’d say a phone call or text is sufficient.

3. A phone call is probably best. Text is also acceptable if you think she’s not into it either.

4. Honestly, text is fine given just 4 dates even if you got to third base. If she asks to have a call to talk, that’s fine too.

5. Email

6. Text or phone call. Just be honest about not being over your ex.

7. I’ve just communicated with them via whatever is our main vehicle for communication up to that point. That usually is electronic. You can’t control how she sees you once you break it off.

   I’ve talked about the in person dump and most people hate it (including me) when it’s not a long term thing, you’re meeting up with someone and very excited only to be handed your walking papers so to speak. It’s easier to process everything in the privacy of your own home.

8. I think you’re way less of an asshole for breaking up before actually sleeping with her.

9. Which is third base?

10. Send a text

11. Just text her, it’s not a big deal. I see no reason to not just be completely transparent and say that your not feeling the romantic chemistry with her and that you wish her the best.

12. I would do a phone call, and next time don’t set up the fifth date if you know already that it’s not working for you on the fourth date.

13. No next date, just be honest don’t waste anytime. A text is fine, Don’t over explain. She may be upset but it’s the most respectful way to be rejected.

14. I’m not a female but my opinion call, don’t see her if you do then she will be looking forward to the date and likely excited not expecting that. If it was me I think that would feel worse.

15. phone call (not text) – bc you dated her before also so there’s more history, it can be still be a brief call

16. Oh god, please just text her, and the sooner the better so she can process it and move on. I feel like the worst thing would be for her to excitedly get ready for a date with you only to get dumped! And don’t go into a whole speech about how she’s wonderful and you just don’t feel a spark but you wish you did, blah blah. Be kind and gentle but concise and direct.

17. What…does getting to “third base” (you can just say oral sex) have anything to do with wanting to break up with er?

18. I would say phone call. You have spent some time (4 dates). Just be honest and up front. You are still getting over your ex and you jumped back in too quickly. You need some time to work on yourself and want to respect her time and feelings.

19. You have a history with her, so I say call. Sooner rather than later.

    Because you reached back out to her, I think you should call her. You essentially asked her to re-consider you, and now that you got that from her, you don’t want anything else. That’s within your rights, I just think it will be easier to run into her out in the world if you break this off by phone.

    If you were only 4 dates in (instead of dating a second time like now) then a text would be fine. And I would focus on the point that you’re not over your ex (rather than no chemistry since you initiated this second round).

    Of course you could just text her. But you risk of completely souring any positive idea that she may have about you.

20. Don’t have dinner with her again, it gives her the false impression this dynamic is going somewhere. Call or text her and tell her you’re not as emotionally available as you thought and it’s best to cancel your dinner date.

21. if you’ve gone on a few dates and hooked up with someone, obviously don’t text. Have a very kind conversation over the phone, facetime, and offer to go for a walk to unpack it if she wants … I think there’s a happy medium between ghosting and setting yourself up for a really bad date where she is excited to further the relationship and you’re trying to end it.

    If you’ve had good conversations and reached third base, breaking up in a text is cowardly and lame. I can’t believe the comments I’m seeing on here. I ALWAYS break up with someone either in person or over a nice phone call with room to still be friends, and I’m mostly still friends with all of the guys I’ve ever dated. Treat people with as much respect as you’d want to be treated with, period.

22. Humm… Phone call. Be a gentleman about it. Be honest without including the story about your ex. The same thing happened to me. I broke things off with my ex. To find another one 2 months later. I realized that I was the one making her happy. But I wasn’t happy. Yes, I was still feeling for my ex. But I put myself in a situation that I thought it will make me heal from it. I was fooling myself. I don’t know how people do that. I can’t and I couldn’t. I was honest about my feeling without mentioning the reason as to why. I didn’t want her to feel used or that she wasted her time. We left on good terms and we are good friends now. That my input on the situation. The rest is up to you.

23. Lol 3rd base. Lil old to talk about it like that. Just be upfront about not wanting a relationship? Do it the main way you normally communicate. You can give your reasons why if you want or just say you’re not looking for anything serious. 🤷🏼‍♀️

24. I feel in person break up is good when you’re in an actual relationship this early on a phone call or text would be better. At this stage I’d prefer a text. I hate getting ready for a date expecting a fun day then getting dumped.

25. If you can put your mouth on her genitalia or vice versa, you can use your mouth to call her. Give her the decency of voice.

26. You’re probably not really that great of a catch. /s Why do people feel that ending will be the end of the world or even cause pain to the other person. She may have just been acting too.

27. Don’t waste either her or your time by going on the date. Call or text her, short and sweet, no need to elaborate – just say something along the lines that you’re not ready or in a position to date at the moment, wish her well, and move on.

28. Just be honest

29. She might be feeling the same as you do, to be honest. Just be polite and tell her you’re not feeling a connection and don’t think it’s wise to pursue this further.

30. As you had sex, I’d kind of think maybe it’d be better if you had the conversation over a phone call rather than a cold hearted text… I mean, you can still do the text thing if you want but I’d feel a bit crap if I read that to be honest, especially after being intimate!!

    Id say definitely be honest with her, and let her down gently. I’d also include that you feel you realise you aren’t ready to get out there and you need time to heal from your previous relationship
    Honesty is the best policy , and again.. this way she will really know that it’s mostly a you issue than it’s hers

31. No date. One guy I broke up with via date he told me he wish I just told him vs the whole ordeal of the date. I personally prefer text. So text but offer phone call if she wants. Just be honest and say hey you’re not feeling a romantic connection and want to stop it from progressing further.

32. You sound 16…. Seriously

33. I’m a woman, I was basically in your shoes yesterday. We’d slept together a few days prior but I wasn’t really feeling it, and neither the sexual or romantic chemistry was there. Then I ran into my ex a bunch this week and felt pretty discombobulated. Texted the guy last night to let him know — imo you don’t need more than that if you’re only a few dates in and you’re not exclusive.

34. You decided to use someone to get over your ex. Make sure you own what a shitty thing you have done. You knew before you slept with her this was a rebound.

35. what are you 12? third base. what is this bullshit. no wonder you have no clue how to break off this bizarre relationship. grow up and be honest with her

36. Ghost her bro

37. I feel like people should make sure they’re over an ex before dating again, rather than using another person to make that decision, only ends up in someone being hurt and feeling used

38. Send her a link to this thread