All my life I’ve never really had friends, which is something that’s really bothered me over the years. I feel I have missed out on many essential experiences my peers had during my teenage years as a result, and I really don’t want to lose out on the “college experience.” More importantly though, I just don’t want to be lonely: I’m moving away for college. I’m so sick and tired of not only being lonely wherever I am but often also not having great relationships with the people I do talk to.
I know this question is extremely vague and the odds are that I won’t get any tips that I haven’t heard before, but I just wanted to put this out there on the off chance I do. I’d love if I could get some help.
2 comments
Form a very clear picture in your mind of why ***you*** want friends.
Yes the normal experience your age is to want a bunch of friends. Not everyone is normal.
Make very clear goals for why you want friends. Do you need someone to play sports with? Someone to play video games with because you find single player games boring? Someone to watch movies with because it’s not satisfying to you watching them alone?
People operate under reason. Reason is a two-fold thing. There is the goal, and the acts you take to reach the goal. Making friends is an act. What is the goal you are trying to fulfill through your actions? It’s generally okay to have personal goals that only involve you. Just don’t involve other people if they’re not necessary to your goals.
Go out and Genuinely connect with people in real life. Your college should be offering orientations designed for you to meet students. Go to them and talk to the students there e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.