My boyfriend used to have a girlfriend whom they’ve dated for years but have since parted ways. His ex-girlfriend was also my manager previously working in the same company, and coincidentally she’s also my ex-classmate.
I’m not as career driven as her which is why I’m not really that keen in pursuing higher roles in the company. There are some misunderstanding between me and her as you see… she has not gotten over my boyfriend at all and they broke up because of spite (her side). She kept thinking that I stole her boyfriend … but I did not… it’s around a year or two where me and him did a lot of volunteering work and kinda … just got together as we clicked really well.
As for my boyfriend I’ve known him since Uni days yeah… all three of us went to the same Uni together just that he’s our senior. I used to be in the same outdoor activity group as him during those years.
I’ve recently found out that she still hopes to get back together with my boyfriend … and to be very honest, I am absolutely inferior to her since Uni days, I’m not a top student, she is. At work, she was promoted really quickly while I’m still at the same spot. I’m not career driven. I’m just a very simple lady who wants to support her boyfriend and maintain family life.
tl;dr: I did talk to my boyfriend about this and he didn’t like how I’m doubting him … actually I’m just inferior. What should I do? He even dragged me to the jewellery shop and assure me that I’m the one for him not her.
6 comments
What are you doing to manage your anxiety?
>’m not career driven. I’m just a very simple lady who wants to support her boyfriend and maintain family life.
Do you think your boyfriend doesn’t know this about you? Why do you think you’re not the partner he wants? Is he doing something to signal that he’s unhappy with your life goals? Or is this negative self-talk that you’ve invented for yourself?
I think you don’t see the values that some men prefer. Career goals and success aren’t the valuable qualities that a large portion of men value.
He wants loyalty. He wants you to be confident that what you two have is strong. He wants solace and peace of mind. He wants you to provide a feeling that being with you is like a warm “home”. He wants your support and trust in the both of you.
From a man’s point of view – you are using the wrong measuring stick and creating a bad vibe. Trust in the fact that he chose you and wants things to be good. Don’t bring her into the picture of what you two have going for yourselves
Probably a good idea to look elsewhere for a job. Apart from that, he has made his choice, there is no point in messing things up by worrying about her or whether you are good enough.
I’m not reading a single indication that your boyfriend feels this way at all? Maybe stop thinking about her? You don’t even know that whatever gossip you heard is even true.
If you want to be more career minded then do that, if you don’t then don’t.
I mean, my husband didn’t marry me for my college grades? Nobody does. Nobody cares about college after college.
Looking for another job would probably be a good idea.
Honestly, if you’re not career focused, look for another job where you’re not triggered by her any longer.
She’s not part of either of your lives and you’re not in uni anymore. Move on.
You need to manage your anxiety. Finding a new place to work is a totally reasonable way to do that.