M’y partner and I (both afab) were having sex but I only wanted to be on top, I didn’t want them to touch me, and I said this when they tried to. Later they asked to touch me and I said I didn’t want to be touched (again). They rolled away and got really pouty for a lack of a better word, but I think it was more frustration or feeling rejected. They were really distant for a few minutes and I got really anxious, as we’ve been having some other problems recently. I haven’t seen them like this before when I say I don’t want something in bed; they are normally so respectful of my boundaries! I asked if there was anything else they wanted as I was still feeling anxious about their body language and didn’t want them to be upset for the night. They asked if we could kiss a bit and I said yes and a while later they started touching me. I was a bit uncomfy but it was fine for a bit, but then it wasn’t and I told them I was done and to stop. They did stop and I started crying really hard. I felt really dirty and gross and upset with myself for not saying no when they started touching me; they couldn’t know I didn’t want them to touch me because i never said so. I wanted to please them by letting them touch me and I thought I would get in the mood once they did start touching me, but that didn’t happen. It been two days since then and I still feel upset. I spent most of last night crying and feeling unsafe, even though I was alone. Has this happened to anyone? Advice?
1 comment
I’m really sorry that happened to you, but don’t blame yourself. I’m not an expert or anything but ideally you should’ve reinforced your boundaries instead of doing something you didn’t want to try and appease your partner. But I think there is also the fact that they kept pushing on your boundaries, and that’s 100% on them. And if they felt rejected they need to accept that you not feeling comfortable with that isn’t a reflection of your feelings about them.
It’s not your fault, and please know you never owe your partner anything like that (I know it’s hard though, I hate when people are upset with me too). And also they absolutely need to apologize for touching you after you said not to, and for acting pouty (even if they did just feel rejected, which they should also work on). It does seem like the problems in your relationship are seeping into your sex life though, so maybe if you both work on those that will help.