I (18F) have explained to my boyfriend (26M) multiple times how porn makes me feel. We’ve been together a little under a year and I’m pregnant with both of our first child. We’re having a son in late February. I have deep rooted trauma from porn. I was introduced to it at a young age and also have past relationship trauma. I have explained this all to him when i caught him the first time. He used to delete his search history but because I’m honestly probably crazy, i put parental controls on his phone. So today when he was showering i looked at his phone and thought i was going to get sick. He’s watching shit about fucking a pregnant wife’s midwife (he will never be allowed at any further appointments). I’m just so lost at what to do because we just signed a year lease on our first house together. I’m hurt and disgusted and i can’t believe he’s doing me and my family like this.
6 comments
Honestly, because most men just watch porn, period. They’re not going to stop no matter what. If they get pushed to stop, they will just lie about it to keep the peace.
And double honestly… this 26 year old who got an 18 year old (possibly 17 when you met?) pregnant is definitely not going to be the super rare guy who is so morally upstanding that he gives up porn for his partner.
>i put parental controls on his phone
Look, let’s be real here. This relationship is a mess and you’re not going to turn it into anything other than what it is. Probably best to just dump him and figure out how you’re going to raise your kid.
Watching porn is normal, in my opinion, and for many people stopping it is just not realistic as it’s tied pretty closely to masturbation. He watches it on his own without involving you, from what it sounds like. If you snoop and get burned, it’s your own fault. I get that it makes you uncomfortable but that does not mean that you get to dictate what he watches and doesn’t watch when he’s alone. Putting parental controls on his phone is incredibly invasive and controlling.
99.9% of men watch porn. I think you just have to accept it.
I’m shocked that a 28 year old man who dated a teenager 10 years young than him doesn’t respect her unreasonable demands.
What I don’t get is that people who watch porn who know their partner doesn’t enjoy it don’t just…leave?
Like, I don’t want kids. If I heard my so wants many children I don’t just “hang around”, I break up and wish that person the best.
It’s ok to be incompatible.
There is so much wrong here and none of it is the porn.
I say this in the kindest way I can. You are going to be a mom in the very near future, it is time for you to stop behaving like a child. It’s sad you have to do this at 18, but this is the situation you are in.
First, find therapy to address your trauma. This is the biggest problem you have and unaddressed it with continue to negatively impact your life, as well as your child’s life, and any relationship you’ll ever have.
Second, unless you expect your boyfriend of committing murder or worse, leave his phone alone.
Third, did he promise to stop watching porn? If so, the problem isn’t the porn, it’s the lying.
Fourth, and perhaps the most important point, you can never ever change another person. You can only change yourself. You can actively work on being a better person or you can allow circumstances to turn you into a worse person.