Edit: Hey guys, I’m trying to reply to all of your comments and inputs. I find your answers really interesting, plus I’m a bit lonely these days (after my breakup) so this has been real nice. Thank you!
Edit2: This has been amazing! Thank you all so much for the many replies and insights, sadly this post has been locked but it seems to me, we’ve all got a lot in common, only the approach differs 🌞
34 comments
I realised we should’ve been best friends and not boyfriend/girlfriend. We had both fallen out of love.
I grew up. He didn’t.
he was toxic and abusive, and I really don’t know how to function properly in a relationship.
He quit his job and had no interest in getting another one. He still expected me to do all the household chores, on top of my full-time job. He left trash lying around literally 5 steps from the trash can. He pressured me into sex after I came home exhausted from work, when he just watched tv all day. He’s probably not the reason I’m asexual now, but it certainly didn’t help.
He abused me and caused spinal damage to our unborn child
Midlife: He decided being married & a dad was less fun then bar hopping and messing with women 1/2 his age.
He cheated a week before we were going to get married
We both have some issues that we should have fixed…
he believes those who are lgbtq+ are living a delusion. i’m part of the community
but he said he was okay with it as long as i didn’t publicly advocate my lgbtq+ support. even a flag in my status wouldn’t be allowed.
at the time i was actually considering complying to it because i was younger and just wanted the boyfriend experience and he had so many other amazing qualities.
this wasn’t the actual nail in the coffin though. i was severely struggling with bdd so i didn’t have a confident sense of self and would keep jumping back and forth with wanting to be together and he decided it was best to just put an end to it (we weren’t officially dating but it more or less felt like it at times. we were planning to officially date when we had our own shit figured out a bit more)
it was definitely a good idea to end it since we were both dealing with struggles and had very different values (mostly political opinions) in life. it wouldn’t have worked out in the long run, but we had great chemistry in other departments
I saw very quickly how immature he was. Did not want to be put in the role of some guy’s mother again. No more of that!
She slept 18 hours a day when I spent a week with her around New Years. Chilling in a basement with her, her sibling and 4 cats (loved the cats) all day, every day, for a week. She has promised to take me out (literally just on walks or to the free pool) and she didn’t. Then I found out she had been chatting up another girl for the entire last month of our relationship.
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My fault entirely. I had and still have severe anxiety of long-term commitment.
He didn’t have much emotional intelligence and hence no emotional connection. It was like having a relationship with a wall, and I was so unfulfilled and miserable with boredom.
not compatible (different interests, visions ect). sexually unsatisfied.
my current relationship is going well, but before that my ex fiancé cheated on me. so i gave the ring back and moved on.
Meth.
I realized I was never going to have the life I wanted if I stayed with him.
Because he was incredibly selfish, controlling and greedy. Then I found out recently that he was actually cheating the whole time as well, so that was nice.
He was always drunk and incredibly toxic. When he was drunk he was crazy about me. When he was sober he didn’t always know what he wanted. But he didn’t like it when I was talking to someone else. 🤷♀️
His friends and family didn’t like him having a gf (I was his first) and questioned him so much he believed them and broke it off. He regrets choosing their opinions but it’s too late.
He expected me to work all the time even on my days off (I work in education so we have snow days when I told him we had one he kept telling me that’s no excuse to not be working), wouldn’t listen to me when I told him I couldn’t meet some days (we live in Michigan and during the winter you never know when it will ice up or snow) and it boiled down to not having a lot in common and him wanting a lot of attention even when I was at work
Edit: he also critiqued me when we had sex and would put on porn and go “do it like that next time”
i could never relax/feel comfortable around him. not because of him, but because im like 99.9% sure that I have social anxiety and im like that with everyone (not diagnosed because I don’t want to tell anyone). I feel bad for him though because I never told him that, so from his perspective, I wasn’t interested in what he said, I didn’t actually like him, etc.
He wasn’t ready for commitment and basically ignored me for a while (I basically had to beg to see him for an hour each week). When I realized I was having an emotional affair (I know how it sounds, I genuinely didn’t realize it was happening for a while), I broke it off. It ended up being the best thing for me as I’m currently in a relationship with my best friend, and the break up really showed me which friends of mine were real or not.
My ex is an awesome person but he’s very contained and methodical whereas I enjoy a more adventurous life. Not like I jump out of airplanes or anything, but I seem to need more spontaneity. We still love each other and coparent our son well, but we decided we were not a good match in marriage.
He decided to throw away our 10 year marriage and 2 young children for a chance at happiness with someone 10 years younger than me (almost 20 years younger than him).
Plot twist: he had never met her and she ended up being a catfish. I wish I was making this up.
Because he went back to water a dead plant.
I did not appreciate him. He was a much better husband than I was wife.
Btw, more women need to take accountability for their relationship failures. The comments here demonstrate that. I’m dubious when people place all the blame on their ex like they were completely innocent. I see that with both genders but way more with women.
His feelings changed. I could sense him growing distant, but he insisted it was just stress. After a year of this, I finally point blank told him I felt like he’d withdrawn from the relationship and it wasn’t fair to me to keep investing my time and mental/emotional bandwidth on him when he wasn’t doing the same.
He admitted that he didn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore, but he was afraid to tell me because he didn’t want our friendship to end.
I was obviously hurt, mostly because I felt like he didn’t trust me to handle that transition like an adult.
We’re still friends, but I admit I do keep him at arm’s length. I also predict that if/when his next relationship fizzles out, he’s going to try to rekindle things with me. Which isn’t going to happen. I give people one chance.
He was an avoidant and it made me more anxious. It turned into cycles of pushing and pulling and it made us fucking miserable. Then he cheated and broke up with me. Every relationship had it’s issues, but if it feels like a lot of work most of the time and you’re tired constantly, it’s probably not worth it. Get a puppy, it’s much more fun!
He didn’t put in any emotional labor or effort. I spent the last 2 years trying to fix things, improve communication and help us learn to love each other. He’d get mad and ignore me. When my grandma died he wasn’t there to help. That’s when I stopped caring, then when I told him I wanted to end things that’s when he wanted to start trying. But it was over for me.
I care about him immensely, but couldn’t see the rest of my life with someone who complained the ground was wet when we hiked. And that I made lasagna with too many noodles. And that I didn’t play any games right. And that I didn’t run at a fast enough pace. And that I ate a cupcake one weekend.
But a huge factor was that he tried to talk me into not getting a dog.
I had to break up with him twice, and formerly ended things yesterday. We were engaged.
He drugged and raped me.
We were at a houseparty for Halloween at one of his friends’ homes. I had repeatedly said I wasn’t going to have sex there, if he wanted it we could finish partying and go back to mine or his. He says okay, I think nothing of it, we continue with whatever we’re doing. A couple of drinks later, I take a few sips of what he’s brought me and something doesn’t feel right. The next thing I know, it’s 12 hours later and I’m waking up on a bed in this house, my underwear pulled down and its clear I’ve recently had unprotected penetrative sex. I clean up as much as possible, go downstairs, and my boyfriend is sat there with a few other guys who laugh as I walk into the room. In the most condescending voice, I’m asked if I remember anything, and when I say no I’m shown a video of me passing out on a bed and all 5 of them, my boyfriend included, raping and violating me, laughing the entire time about how stupid and weak I am.
I didn’t wanna have sex with him. It wasn’t even that the thought of sex with him disgusted me, at first I thought I was just asexual but I’m not.
I think it’s cause I started viewing him as a family member but not as a boyfriend if that makes sense. Like we were so comfortable after 3 years, our relationship became like siblings. Like by the end I loved him how I love my mom but not how you should love a partner. It’s kinda funny to me now cause we started off as FWB all through high school.