I wish I had video of my dates to watch back. I just cannot figure out why I can’t make it past these initial stages. I have been single and trying for 7.5 years (until last August I lived in a heavily touristed, but otherwise rural area. I partially blame it on this). I do go on dates pretty regularly if I want to. I get laid at least several times per year. I have done what I can for my OLD profile, and I get consistent matches. I have hobbies, I take care of my body, I dress well in clothes that fit. I flirt and escalate physically while on dates. I don’t dominate the conversation, interview women, or get drunk.
I don’t just OLD, I approach women in public on a pretty consistent basis and get phone numbers (which typically don’t lead to dates, but they do on occasion). In general, even if on the date the woman says they would like to go on a second date. After, they either ghost, or I get the “I am sure there is someone out there for you but it isn’t me” kind of text. It is draining and makes me so sad. I have a lot to give and I want to share the love I have and be loved in return.
I am lonely and I just don’t know if I need a coach, or to try a matchmaking service. Therapy might also be helpful. I just don’t know where I am missing the mark and it is so tough to figure out where I am going wrong when the dates I go on seem to go well. The last one lasted four hours and we fooled around in her car for awhile during the date. When I texted the next day to ask if she wanted to see me again it was a no. It makes me want to give up, but I can’t because I don’t want to be alone.
Any advice?
4 comments
Do you contend with anxiety at times? More than a few times a week? Then that likely affects your self-confidence. Less than high self-confidence, makes you less attractive. So, reduce your anxiety if you’re predisposed to anxiety.
Nothing you’re saying is ringing any bells, but I bet there is something really off-putting that you aren’t noticing. I recommend you read books like “How to be a 3% Man”, “Models”, “No more Mr Nice Guy” to fill in whatever gap you’re missing. If I had to guess there is something about your life that makes you seem like a bad long term partner, like you live with your parents, don’t have a car, you have a dead end job, etc. but without knowing you it’s just a guess.
Besides that you can always explain your situation to the girl who rejected you and ask her for honest feedback.
What do you mean “fooled around in the car?” And how did that date end? With her pumping the breaks? Off the bat, I suspect you also have a follow up problem.
There is something you’re doing on these dates that’s turning them off. Hard to say. Could be anything. Do they seem interested, asking you questions, giving detailed answers? If you’re interested in a long term relationship, are you maybe alluding to this? It’s probably best to keep conversations light on a first date. Are these first dates like a job interview?
Also, I suggest at the end of the first date, nail down a date and time for a second one.
“Let’s get together together again on Friday.” If she says she’s busy, “ok how about Saturday?” If it’s still a no, ask, “alright, what works better for you?”
I thunk you may find that is better than leaving it open ended ie “let’s do this again sometime” and then waiting a few days to arrange a second date.