im 23f, bf is 23. we’ve had multiple instances of him asking for anal, i told him its not something im comfortable with and will never do. he said its okay and we can just have regular sex. the last time we has sex (weeks ago) he almost put his dick in my ass, i started crying and we stopped. he said it will never happen again and it was an accident. today i was finally comfortable enough to have sex again. we’re in doggy and his dick falls out, he quickly enters my ass and then he took it out, said it was an “accident” because they’re “right next to each other”. i dont know what to believe, i dont know if my boyfriend is raping me and gaslighting me or if these are genuine mistakes, looking for advise or a male perspective or something
42 comments
How long have you been together? Because it sure is interesting that he only started having these “accidents” after you told him you will never do anal with him.
This kind of accidents can happens (from my own experience) but twice in a row… After he had been asking for it….sounds like he try to gaslight you
Sis, we have been married over 20 years – never once, no matter what position we have been in, has my husband accidentally pulled that crap. The two can not be mistaken for one another.
If he makes that “mistake” make darn certain he doesn’t enter your vagina after because he could cause a nasty bacterial infection from fecal matter.
It’s *possible* to accidentally almost enter, if you’re clumsily fumbling around. But to *actually* put it in like that, by accident, seems unlikely to me. Especially given the timing of it.
So I think it was deliberate. I think he was hoping you’d grow to like it, or maybe he was “punishing” you, or maybe he just didn’t care what you wanted.
Either way, consider whether your trust in him can be restored. If not, the relationship is dead anyway, it’ll just take some time to fizzle out.
Imo, leave.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Accidents happen. But if my partner had cried because of an accident like this, you can be damn sure that I would be super duper extra careful for a while to make sure it didn’t happen again. Two “accidents” like this with none prior to you telling him you would never be comfortable with anal is suspicious. Either he did or on purpose, which I think is mostly likely, or he doesn’t care about you enough to be careful. That’s pretty damning either way.
You cannot accidentally put it in someone’s ass. you have to really push it it at least at first especially if you’re not using lube. this is honestly kinda rape.
It’s on purpose for sure he’s just trying to see if you’ll let him get away with it. I’m sure if you didn’t speak up he would’ve kept going. This is the type of guy that will record you without asking. I don’t think you should trust him with your body
I swear this is like the 4th time I’ve read this exact post in the past two weeks.
Let’s say you choose to believe it’s an accident (don’t). If you decide to continue to allow this, please make him wash before continuing with vaginal sex. You will get a horribly painful infection moving from A to V without a good washing first.
It’s not an accident. He’s trying to see how much he can get away with. He doesn’t respect your “no”. Next time he does this…. and he will try again… stop having sex completely. Get dressed and leave, or make him leave. Draw a clear boundary. If he can’t respect you, he needs to be your ex-bf.
It very much sounds like you are dating my ex.
I doubt it was an accident.
He is doing it on purpose. He doesn’t respect you. He wants anal and he doesn’t care what you want. He will keep raping you until you stop fighting.
It’s not an accident, he’s doing it on purpose. He probably thinks it’s a slick way of getting you to agree to anal, but it’s really just assault.
He knows what he’s doing and you know it.
Why would you want to stay with someone capable of that?
I had a boyfriend who tried this same thing. He asked about anal and I said no way. We had sex, and he “accidently” shoved up my butt. I screamed and threw him out of my bed and told him to leave. A couple weeks later after apologizing profusely, I gave him another chance. He did it again, but tried to hold me down. He forgot I was a weight lifter. I threw him physically out of my bed and out onto the street. He came back a few months later and wore me down to get back together to give him another chance. In bed he pulls out a huge dildo and shoved that up inside me. He was dragged out of my house in handcuffs, all black and blue, and I haven’t seen or heard from him since his rape conviction and imprisonment.
It’s never an accident. If they can’t tell the difference between the two openings, they need to stay in Kindergarten.
It’s not an accident you don’t accidentally have anal sex. He’s doing it on purpose and it could be classified as rape since it you didn’t give consent.
It *can* happen but honestly after you being deliberately clear about what you like and don’t like and then the crying incident, that doesn’t strike me as an accident. Best case he’s clumsy and doesn’t care. Worst case he’s a giant gaslighting piece of shit.
Okay, he said this would never happen again and the very next time……it happens again. Coincidence? I think not. Frankly, you probably should end things with him but if not, take a break from each other and explain that if/when you start seeing each other again, if it happens again you’re not only going to break up permanently but when someone asks why you will be saying because he’s a rapist.
That’s right someone tries to do something sexually to you without permission is rape.
I’ve had sex a few thousand times probably. I’ve accidentally hit the wrong hole once. And it didn’t go in. You can clearly tell when you are in the wrong place
This is rape. My ex did this too. It’s not an accident. The anus and vagina look and feel very different.
He assaulted you repeatedly.
The man raped you. Gaslit you.
What would you say to a friend if this happened to them?
naaaahhhhh that wasn’t an accident.
he is testing and pushing your boundaries. Does he care if you said not multiple times or if it’s going to hurt since you’re not prepared ? NAHHHHHHHH he doesn’t care
He is r*ping you leave immediately
How many times does this have to happen before you realize it isn’t an accident?
And how many “accidents” will it take for you to realize he doesn’t respect you saying *NO*?
My boyfriend has made the accident one time and the moment I started crying he stopped immediately and held me kissing my forehead apologizing. Making sure I will be okay. We Stopped completely that night. We’ve done anal before too. He felt so horrible for hurting me. He has been extra careful with it ever since and I communicate with him if he’s closer to one area than the other. Both anal and vaginal sex feel different so imo he’s gaslighting you. I’m so sorry :/
Baby that’s abuse. You said no and he did it. He did it cuz he wanted to. Don’t think too much just leave him. You’ll find another. Do it before it gets worse please. He will make you believe it’s an accident until you let him do it. Don’t make it happen just to pleasure him if you don’t enjoy it
I call rape
Kich his dick hardest with your leg kick while he is in deep sleep. And then apologize genuinely for this accident.
I actually like anal, but it’s difficult for me to put anything in my ass without a lot of lube and prepwork I don’t need for PIV. I really can’t see how one accidentally puts it in the ass.
Reading this a dude, I don’t think he did this accidentally. It’s too convenient and too close to those previous discussions.
No decent bf, after being told NO to anal, would have these kinds of accidents ESPECIALLY after the last one broke you down to the point of tears. No matter how into it he could be after that incident he should be HYPER aware of making sure not to do anything with you butt-wise solely because he made the person he loves fucking cry with it beforehand.
His sheer disregard and disrespect for you OP would make me hesitate to allow sex where you, as a woman, wasn’t in charge position wise ie on top, etc. He’s shown, thru either sheer callousness or idiocy, that he can’t think of anything other than his own pleasure/wants/needs during sex and disregards you during it. I mean I don’t even know if this is something worth continuing the relationship over.
I only can imagine that the next time you two have sex where he’s in a position to have another accident that he won’t stop after 1 thrust because “it happened too fast and you seemed to like it”. Like….damn.
Me and my husband have been together for almost 10 years. He has almost accidentally stuck it in my butt maybe MAYBE two or three times and we was intoxicated both times. And we have been having sex for almost 10 years.
I only say this, because overall. They know the difference. Yes, accidents happen but not like that. Not within weeks of each other and not when you two have had an explicit conversation
He is literally a rapist. He is raping you each time he does this. It is not an accident. He is a rapist. Get rid of him for your own sake. You do not deserve to be raped.
Once I’d believe is an accident! 2nd time there is no way specially since it’s literally the first time you have had sex since accident number 1
I’ve been fucking for 20 years, haven’t accidentally slipped up an asshole yet. Get a dildo and tell him he goes first or it’s not happening.
He is trying ……. he is trying.
Don’t believe one fricking word he says.
I’ve had it gone in once but that’s bc we were having rough and fast sex. The chances of it happening twice??? Im sorry, but he’s a POS
It is very hard to push your dick into an unlubed unwilling asshole. It’s not something you can do on “accident”. Certainly not multiple times. Leave. Now.
I’ve been having sex for a whole lot of years. Like, 30 years. More than one partner in my life. Started at age 17.
I’ve been in many ‘sex accidents’, but penis ‘accidentally’ in anus not one of them.
Go with your instincts on this one.
These aren’t accidents, you can very clearly tell when you are in the butt. These are him trying to force a sex act on you that you’ve already said no to because he’s hoping you’ll be like “Ooooo maybe I like it,” or just let him do it. It’s not okay.
Your boyfriend is raping and gaslighting you. It is not easy to put a penis in a tight dry hole, right beside a looser wet hole that widens naturally to accommodate. The fact that this suddenly keeps happening means he does not care about your consent.
Male here. He has raped you and gaslit you.
Time to dump him and tell him it was because he sexually assaulted/raped you.
Man here. Accaidental brushes can happen. From doggy there is absolutely no mistaking where you’re at. It isn’t easy to get in generally. For him to quickly get it in means he was trying…and trying very hard.