I (24M) have been with my girlfriend (24F) for almost 4 years now and although since we started dating we realized we had several things not in common but we continued dating with no major issues until we broke up 2 years ago. Nevertheless, 3 months after our broke up we came back together and have been together since. Here´ s a quick summary of some things we are not compatible with and (in my opinion) are the reason she is having this thought: First of all she is a devout catholic, we have never had sex because she wants to wait until marriage and we have barely do “things”. At first, I got frustrated about this but later on, I figured out sex is not the only reason you can love someone, so ok with that. Although throughout the years we have been taking steps on this topic, there are still barriers Catholics cannot overlook. You get the idea. Another “incompatible” thing is regarding family and friends gathering. She is not a party person in the sense that she can assist a party or family gathering but will get bored if drinking games or loud music is involved. She likes the board game type of night. I do not. I like parties and drinking with my friends and on several occasions, we get into discussions because I want to go to some of my friends house to “party” but she won´ t or she will just sit down and be quiet and discrete. Another “issue” is regarding his family, as they have been educated in a different way (old school catholics) they won´ t let her travel with me, even to a 30 min drive town nearby or the beach. They won´ t let her go out with friends until late in the night or stuff like that. I have to admit she does not agree with her parents but at the end of the day that affects our relationship and the experiences, we could have.
This and maybe other minor details are what is making her think that we are no longer compatible and I think she is having doubts about our relationship. Although I do not agree with some of her ideas or her family I truly love her and I´ m planning on marrying her as soon as I can (economically speaking). What can I do to reinforce our relationship and take away those thoughts of her? I definitely do not want to lose her.
2 comments
It sounds to me that you are accommodating her priorities and not your own. From personal experience, I can confirm that this may not end well. Unless she sets some boundaries, her parents and their opinions will constantly drive her decisions, even after marriage. Ask yourself if you want to deal with that. Ask yourself what you would ideally want. Ask yourself if you have tried enough experiences that you otherwise have not because of relationship barriers. Your 20s are your time for learning about what you really want.
It’s possible to love someone and know you have to let them go because you are two different people. I dated someone for 3+ years and we both realized, painfully, that we were not meant for each other — even after talking about our future together earlier on.
I know you asked about how to “not lose her,” but you first have to know who you are without her — you are both still growing into yourselves as adults. If you make your happiness dependent on her, then you are denying yourself the capability to become your own source of happiness.
I know this is tough cookies, but I say this with genuine compassion. Bless!
Outside of her parents having too much control of a 24-yr old woman, I agree with your gf tbh. You guys aren’t that compatible and it seems more like you’re trying to make her into what you want her to be than to accept that you have different priorities than nobody seems willing to budge on (and rightfully so, nobody should change those kinds of boundaries for someone unless they genuinely want to). If you’re that worried about losing her, maybe you should try fitting more into her style and see if you can gel with it. But honestly I think it’s time to break it off and find someone more your speed. Sorry if it’s not what you want to hear, but you came to Reddit and I’m being honest.